Author Topic: My Story Snuff 4  (Read 534 times)

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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My Story Snuff 4
« on: June 13, 2019, 08:37:17 PM »
          I stilldo not know how to link threads so, if anyone could do that i would greatly appreciate it.

      Today was the day of my surgery. I went a little scared. I then reminded my self that i survived the coward for the past 4 years and i can do anything. Not scared anymore. I used to ne afraid of being a single mom. Taking care of everything myself terrified me. Not anymore. I have conquered that fear. I did what the coward couldnt.
    My surgery went well. I woke up with no pain what so ever .  I can move my leg and it doesnt hurt. I am laying on my back moving my leg around becasse i can. Lol. I am so super excited about this. I havent even asked for any pain meds cuz i dont need them. YAY!.

       I hope you are all having a great day. I might be a little f'd up as im writing this so please forgive the rambling. They have given me alot of stuff today.

Previous Thread : https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10318
« Last Edit: June 14, 2019, 06:30:41 AM by UrsaMajor »

Offline Standing Strong

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2019, 10:27:36 PM »
Hi BR,

I hope the recovery goes great!!! So happy it went well.

-SS
W - 38
M - 41
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline BrenM

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2019, 10:40:04 PM »
Blue

It is ironic how through the LBS experience we do find our inner strength.  We are a tough breed, not just anyone could be a LBS.

That is awesome news!  It is great that you are comfortable and pain free....BUT...take things easy woman lol.  No skipping or pole dancing...just yet 🤣
« Last Edit: June 13, 2019, 10:41:50 PM by BrenM »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2019, 12:14:50 AM »
       Thank you standing and bren.


    The pain meds have worn off so i wont be pole dancing for a few more days. Actually, its funny you said that because i always wanted to take a pole dancing class but no one would go with me. They didnt think i was serious. I still might do it though! Lol!

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2019, 04:50:13 PM »
      My healing from my surgery is going well. I just have moderate pain where they cut me but my leg is pain free still. I can take the bandages off today but im kinda scared to. Im calling the surgeon on friday to ask him if i can go back to work next Monday. This is financially killing me. Time to get back to taking care of things.
     My future dil told me yesterday that the last time the coward was at their house the baby wouldnt go to him. He doesnt know him. It made me a little sad for him thst he did this to himself. But its his life.
         D14 went with him today for fathers day. He didnt spend much alone time with her. He had to have the wh0r^ and her kid with them. So unfair to d14. She is going for the week this week to his house. He was granted 3 weeks in the summer for visitation. A week of being ignored how fun for her.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2019, 05:02:47 PM »
   Whoever linked my threads, thank you very much.

     D14 is gone this week. She is at the cowards. I have a hard time when she is gone with him for so long. I miss her face. She is such a great kid and knowing that she is around the wh0r^ so much brings out a rage in me.
     I have to go to my dr. tomorrow for a follow up until i see the surgeon next month. My cut is starting to itch which is a good thing because it means its starting to heal. I still have some moderate pain in my leg that i hope is only temporary. I was hoping for no pain at all but not with my luck.
    I will be calling the surgeon tomorrow to see if he will alliw me to go back to work on monday. I really hope he says yes. I can go back with restrictions. Despite the fact that i nerd the money i am going stir crazy. Before the wonderful world of mlc invaded my life i was used to being a stay at home mom. I loved it. For the past 3.5 years i have been so focused on providing for my family that i have gotton auite used to being on the go all the time. I cant clean like i want because i cant bend, twist or lift at the moment so all im doing is laying around gaining weight. I cant stand it!!
     Having all this time to kill i have been going back and rereading some of the articles on mlc. After after 4 years of tjis i still question myself on whether it is indeed mlc or an exit affair. The article i read today about an exit affair and a mlc affair really made me think. Everything they described about the exit affair sounded like the coward. Does anybody else still do this after all this time? Im mad at myself for still feeling this much confusion over this. I really need to go back to work.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2019, 05:43:45 PM »
Don't be mad at yourself Blue--we all do this! But remember, the affair is but a minor part in MLC, though it is one of the most devastating for the LBS. I'll have to read that article.  I always go back to the fact that my H completely changed just before and at BD. And now he seems fine with never seeing our son, and not having any relationship with his family or old friends. But he is doing great at his job apparently. I don't know, they all handle it differently. But say it is an exit affair, do you see his R with the OW lasting? Do you think he will do to her what he did to you? Odds are high that he will either way. Would the old H have treated your D the way this version does? If the answer is no, then it is more likely MLC. Obviously not as simple as all that, but people don't change that drastically over night absent some major life crisis at play.

Sorry you still have some pain. Hoping that will go away and your pole dancing carer can officially commence!

Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2019, 06:38:58 PM »
        Kit,
          Thank you. The affair has lasted almost 4 years now. They live together and have the whole time. Will he do to her what he did to me? He cheated on her 5 months after moving in with her. With me, at the time his wife. She forgave him. Why wouldnt it last?
        The article said that they behave in alot of the same ways an mlcer does around/before bd. My opinion. Its just i seen alot of similarities in the two. I have actually always struggled with this. Most of the time i do believe it us mlc but every now and then my doubt pops up to say hi.     
        The coward is still working for the same company he was when were together. He hasnt been fired/quit yet so he must be good there. He does see d14 on his scheduled days. Most of the time but doesnt pay a whole lot of attention to her when he does have her. He doesnt go out of the way for our boys and grandson. He does pay support everyweek because he is to scared about going to jail. Alot of men who get divorced do these things. This is why i get so confused. I wish this stuff would go away as fast as it came on.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #8 on: June 23, 2019, 06:36:30 PM »
     I went to the dr. on friday and he said that i was healing very well and the pain in my leg would go away when the inflammation from the surgery was gone. I called my surgeon office after that and they are letting me go back to work tomorrow. Yay bank account!!
      D14 came home not moody. This was a pleasant surprise. I think she felt guilty about not helping me at all after my surgery.  Good. She told me that the coward asked how i was doing. She told him that i was getting around much better and that the surgery went well. He said that he was happy for me.
     D14 also added that she sensed some jealousy with the wh0r^ and their new female neighbor. She said that her look said " back off.he is mine". Maybe i should have said that to her .

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2019, 11:52:59 AM »
      Happy 4th!!!

    I have been back to work for 2 weeks now and i feel great. I wish i wouldnt have waited so long to get this taken care of. Oh well, lessoned learned.
       I started talking to j again this week. The tension and awkwardness at work was to uncomfortable. I think for now just being friends and hanging out once in awhile is all that i can handle at the moment.
           D14 will be spending the weekend with the coward.  The fireworks in my town are tomorrow night. He will be bringing d14 and her friend here to watch them , with the wh0r^ and her kid in tow. I still can not get used to this. Spending their sick idea of family time with my kid. A few years before bd, when this mlc was starting, he stopped going with me and the kids to the fireworks and carnival and now he takes his wh0r^ to all of them.
     The coward called d14 today. He was working about 1.5 miles down the road from my house and wanted her to walk down and see him. She did even though it isnt his day.  About an hour later he pulled into my driveway to drop her off. Once again he is pulling up to the house as close as he can. He has done this before. He would start out dropping her off on the road, then he would pull into the driveway getting closer and closer each time. I havent been making a stink about him coming to the house anymore to pick her up and drop her off.
      D14 said that she thinks that he is only happy when she goes to visit him. I guess i can inderstand that. Im happiest when im around my kids too but i go out of my way to see them and talk to them because i want to not because i feel like i have to.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2019, 02:15:28 PM »
       D14 went with the coward last weekend. He took her and her best friend to our local summer carnival. We used to go there as a family but not anymore. The wh0r^ and her kid and his friend drove separately and met them there. D14 let it slip that the coward and the wh0r^ were in the beer tent with their friends while the kids went on rides. She doesnt know if they were drinking. She wpnt admit to it but why else would 2 people who drink go to a beer tent. They watched the fireworks and then drove the kids to their house.  The only thing i can do is file a complaint making the court aware that he drove with my daughter while he was drinking. I have no concrete proof. They will do nothing . Nice.
       D14 also told me that sunday before she came home he took her out to practice driving. This idiot let this 14 year old inexperienced driver go 50 miles an hour down a dirt road. I shudder to think what would have happened if she would have lost control of his truck.
        Its bad enough that he has traumatized his kids and me in some way or another but now i have the added worry of what his irresponsible parenting may lead to. I told my lawyer a few years ago about him texting while driving with d14 in the car and she told me that there is nothing i can do till d14 gets hurt. This makes no sense to me. Where is the sense in all this.
      D14 also mentioned that he was talking to her last week about how much he hates his job and he is just sick of it now. He has , to my knowledge, never said this before.
      It amazes me still when i read other threads how some of the mlcers go through some of the stages of this faster than others do. I think the coward is still running and this is going to last forever. I know i am in a much better place than i was when this started or even a year ago but it breaks my heart whenever i hear anything about him still stuck in the tunnel. I cant cry over it anymore. I have no more tears for it but it still makes me very sad at times to think that its been so many years that we have had just a normal conversation about nothing, doing things as a family or him just hugging me just because. Little things. Its always been the little things that have mattered the most for me. Its the little things that have broken my heart the most.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2019, 04:28:02 PM »
      D14 was getting ready to go to her last week long visit of the summer tonight. The coward was blowing up her phone asking her where he was picking her up tonight. She called him back 4 or 5 times and was ignoring her calls. She was getting upset and told me something that she has been hiding for a year. She told me that the coward told her last summer about how he and the wh0r^ did cocaine. He went on to tell her that the wh0r^ got a nose bleed and passed out while doing it. He told her that happened because it was stepped on. I asked her what the hell stepped on meant. She told me it meant that it was passed between alot of hands before it hot to him and probably had been mixed with other things.
    How does this 47 year old @$$hole sit there and tell his then 13 year old daughter about his drug use? WTF? I told everyone that he was taking drugs 4 years ago and everyone just brushed me off like i was crazy. I friggin knew it.
     My best friend T said i should call friend of court and ask them what i can do about this. I want to protect my daighter but if i do that i will betray her trust. She made me promise that i wouldnt tell anyone. I told my best friend because i needed to talk about it.
     The coward also told her that he smokes pot but that was the last time he did any drugs. I knew he might have a problem with prescription drugs but cocaine?  I don't even know this guy and i dont think i ever did.
     The worst part is letting her go to his house around them and these friends of his.  I begged the court to do a drug test on him and they ignored me. Something needs to be done about these laws.

Offline em5731

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #12 on: August 12, 2019, 05:04:49 PM »
Oh man. It's going to be a long week for you. I can't even imagine what your going through. What if you tell him she isn't going this week. And then when and if he takes you to court. Then tell him what you know. Your poor daughter has to be around crap like that. It's really sad.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2019, 08:22:40 AM »
    Em5731,
              Unfortunately that not the way it works. Unless i have proof or she is harmed there is nothing i can do. That is what my lawyer told me the first time i asked for a drug test. Same thing with his texting and driving habit. Until he is caught or in an accident with her in his vehicle there is nothing i can do.

Offline em5731

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2019, 08:28:05 AM »
That's so sad. My ex was texting and driving at one point. And your right ,courts did not care. I'm lucky my daughter hates going with her dad. And tells him she isn't going.  So he leaves, at first was mad he left. Now I realize how fortunate I am. Sorry it's going to be along week for you.

Online Treasur

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2019, 08:38:10 AM »
What a tough situation.
I guess all you can do is encourage your daughter to have her own boundaries and that you will always support her if she says no, she does not want to be there if drugs are being used or get in a car driven by a drunk person. That if she says no, you will always drop everything and pick her up. I suppose on a positive note it isn't a bad life lesson for a teenager....that is is ok to say no...just hard that it involves her father. I remember having to walk out of parties or take friends car keys in similar situations as a teenager.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

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Online barbiedoll

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2019, 09:53:29 PM »
Clearly your MLC'er is out of his firetruckin mind..I can feel anger in my own veins.  Cocaine?   tells a 13 year old daughter ?  I just cannot imagine the lack of boundaries , the insane thought process and the incredible lack of parental care and guidance. And I do know the lack of the courts standing strong with mothers who voice these concerns. Backed into a corner here but Treasur said it best. Daughter can say NO and refuse to stay in an unsafe place. Perhaps some coaching and reassurance that you will pick her up in a second if she needs to call. I would talk to my lawyer as well even though that is very likely fruitless . At some point, I believe your girl will eventually refuse to go.  I am sorry.
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
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Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #17 on: August 14, 2019, 02:44:33 AM »
I was reading a story recently about a "program" that was started by a Priest with his own kids... If they got into a situation where they felt they needed to get out of, they could send he, his wife, or the older brother/sister in the house a text with the letter "X" (just the "X" and nothing more).  the deal was that whoever got the text would call them on their mobile and say that something happened at home and that they needed to be ready to be picked up in <however long it would take for the person to arrive> minutes... It allowed the teen to "save face" with their peer group at the time but also allowed them to get the heck out of a situation where they were not comfortable....

Perhaps something similar could be arranged between you and your D? Some sign that she can send that would mean she needs to get out of a situation?  I am not sure what that would look like when a parent is involved but just an idea that came up off the top of my head...
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Whyus

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #18 on: August 14, 2019, 06:38:47 AM »
hey blue, the others are right. I really like what UM has suggested.
The other Option is that your D14 tells her father that she wont get into a car if he has had a drink (or does cocaine  :-\) and that you will pick her up. Also that she will get oout of the car if he is texting because ist just dangerous.
Im sorry that you are dealing with such a tool.

I was reading a story recently about a "program" that was started by a Priest with his own kids... If they got into a situation where they felt they needed to get out of, they could send he, his wife, or the older brother/sister in the house a text with the letter "X" (just the "X" and nothing more).  the deal was that whoever got the text would call them on their mobile and say that something happened at home and that they needed to be ready to be picked up in <however long it would take for the person to arrive> minutes... It allowed the teen to "save face" with their peer group at the time but also allowed them to get the heck out of a situation where they were not comfortable....

This is so cool........ so simple but effective.
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Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 4
« Reply #19 on: August 14, 2019, 04:20:32 PM »
  Whyus, ursa, barbie, treasurand em,
        Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. D14 knows that i will drop everything now if she needs me. When she is gone like she is now i text her everyday and ask her how she is and how she is doing. I have told all my kids if they need me call me. It is always such a long week when she is gone. I feel like part of me is missing when she isnt here.
     I do really do like the text message idea ursa. Im going to talk to her about it when she comes home. D14 is very fortunate to have family, more than just me, to suppirt her and be there for her if she needs them.
       I have always known that the coward took prescription drugs but i never realised how big it was. When she told me about the cocaine i was shocked but at the same time i wasnt. If that makes sense. 15 years ago we buried his little brother. He was 24 when he passed. He passed away from a heroin and cocaine overdose. It was the most heartbreaking funeral i have ever been to. Seeing his parents go through that is something i will never forget. His mother was also addicted to prescription drugs. The cowards stepdad smoked pot with him when he was younger than d14 is. Lovely family history. I told him when his brother died how bad i felt that he wasnt here anymore. The coward saod to me that he didnt feel bad for him because he made the choice to do it. Now he is making the same choices. I still cant believe that he told d14 about this. I have so many questions that will never have answers. I just keep adding them to the list.
      I would ask my lawyer about it but she is no longer representing me. I owe her money and have had a hard time paying her.
      I dont think it will be to much longer when d14 decides not to go with him anymore. She has a lot of anger towards him. She doesnt respect him and never says anything nice about him. She is very resentful to fact that she gets hardly any alone time with her dad. The wh0r^ and her kid always have to be there. I have a feeling that another big blow up is coming between him and the kids. I will just sit back and watch. Take care everybody.

 

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