Author Topic: My Story Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....  (Read 1137 times)

Online One day at a time

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 966
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #60 on: July 14, 2019, 02:49:44 AM »
Good to hear that your holiday is going well UM. I actually was reading somewhere a few days ago that we tend to replicate what we see in our parents and that looks very true in you STBXW's case.. If that was what she was eating on her own, I would have no sympathy but the fact that she feeds the kids that is not good, I can see why you would be concerned. But then again, no surprises! Most MLCers struggle to actually parent.

Maybe August 30th will be a massive relief for you. I'm sure the build up to it is a bit nerve wrecking but once it's done, you can say you tried your best. It's all on her, there is no worse blind (wo)man than the one who doesn't want to see  ::)

H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H is with OW in her home country  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21498
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #61 on: July 14, 2019, 05:31:20 AM »
UM, the only difference is they are eating healthy half the time because their with you.  So it's not all bad.
Maybe the kids will want to spend more time with you as they start seeing the difference in how they are being taken care of.

I'm glad you're enjoying your vacation.   8)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Finding Joy

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 94
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #62 on: July 14, 2019, 06:08:52 AM »
Attaching.
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 38
BD-October 10 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), I believe he is on to OW 2(PA)
BD 2-March 2019-He is getting an apartment

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 8574
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #63 on: July 14, 2019, 06:31:19 AM »
UM, the only difference is they are eating healthy half the time because their with you.  So it's not all bad.
Maybe the kids will want to spend more time with you as they start seeing the difference in how they are being taken care of.

S12 already does and maybe there is hope for D8... At least I'm hopeful. The fact she did NOT want to go straight to mom until S12 talked her into it was telling.....
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21498
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #64 on: July 14, 2019, 07:21:50 AM »
Yes!  That is a big change!   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Dumbfounded

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2587
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #65 on: July 14, 2019, 11:56:08 AM »
I once knew a kid who was always begging to go home to the parent that was a hot mess. After some chatting, I came to understand that the kid felt a great responsibility to take care of the parent that was a hot mess. He wanted to go home to make sure his Mom was ok. I can’t help but wonder if that isn’t the case with your D.

Glad you are having a great vacation with the kids UM.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 8574
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #66 on: July 14, 2019, 12:13:12 PM »
DF,

This is 110% the case with D8. She is the emotional support companion of STBXW and has said that she worries what will happen to her mom when she's not there.

That's why her wanting to stay with me, even though we'll habe been gone 2 weeks was such a shock....
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline stillbaffled

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4345
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #67 on: July 14, 2019, 01:00:34 PM »
Instant noodle cups?  Wow....she only has them part of the time and your S has to fix himself Ramen noodles?!?!   

Have a great final few days. 

After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16 - his 53rd birthday
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starter

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 8574
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #68 on: July 14, 2019, 01:18:01 PM »
Instant noodle cups?  Wow....she only has them part of the time and your S has to fix himself Ramen noodles?!?!   

Have a great final few days.

Uhmmmmm.... Yep..... At least according to what he told me... Either that or Frozen Pizza.... (I'm on holiday and on my phone.. Otherwise you KNOW there would be a. Facepalm GIF here)

The whole discussion started because D8 and I were waiting for him for breakfast and he came down stairs, ate, and then went back upstairs and didn't say a word to anyone. I gave him a case of verbal chapped a$$ about it and then later thought about WHY he would do that because he and I ALWAYS discuss what we're having for dinner on the way home and then I cool after I go out with the dog.

We had a long discussion where he told me about what was going on and started crying. I apologized for ranking on him but said that I was NOT mom, that we were a family on a family holiday, and that he needed to talk to me so we could plan accordingly....Main thing was to communicate and not just "do stuff" without talking about it because there. Might be things he doesn't know about....
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline seahorse

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 896
  • Gender: Female
Re: Thread 34 - As the clock counts down....
« Reply #69 on: July 15, 2019, 04:39:33 PM »
UM -
So happy that you're having a good time.
It's such a turnaround for D to want to not rush home to her mom's place.
I hope she becomes aware that she doesn't need to be her mom's emotional support child.

Enjoy the remainder of your trip.

Sea
Seahorses have one mate for life...

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.