Author Topic: My Story Finally finding my peace and myself again.  (Read 727 times)

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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My Story Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #20 on: June 26, 2019, 10:46:05 PM »
Cheers ready, yes im sure she will let me know somehow  ;).
A Little tired today, K, I and 3 friends of mine were at an Anthrax gig in Hannover last night which means that im in work after just 4 hours sleep again. Nevermind, we work to live and dont live to work so ist all good.

I also recieved a WA message from SIL yesterday wishing me a belated happy birthday. It was really sweetly written and apologetic (her S17 had a birthday a couple of days before which stressed her out). I replied "Thanks sis, its all good no worries" with a kiss Smiley and I got the kiss Smiley back.
Have a great day LBS Army.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2019, 11:56:17 PM by Whyus »
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #21 on: June 27, 2019, 11:24:59 PM »
So I think that I have worked out why XW sent me that "Happy Birthday" message.
S21 has created and Instagram account for our cat, she is his cat really and he took her with him when he moved out.
He posted a pic last night and XW "liked" it, with a new Profile pic. She is with OM and she is pouting like a fish trying to hide those damb wrinkles! She used to hate women who took pics like that  ::).
Its so typical, she always does something small but "nice" to soften me up before she does something which may offend me, so typical.
I have to admit that it wasnt easy seeing XW and OM in that pic, it did send me Spinning for an hour or so but it soon settled.
I guess that we never really get over them, this would all have been so much easier if she had met somebody after we had seperated. Instead she is still with the guy who she was Meeting for 6 months before BD, I suspected nothing as I trusted her with my life. I guess they will always be a thorn in my side aslong as they are together.

K is going to a Festival with a GF on Saturday, the line up is fantastic. They are driving later and will come back Sunday sometime. I cant go as I have a Gig myself and we dont cancel once we have confirmed a booking.

Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online One day at a time

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #22 on: June 27, 2019, 11:35:51 PM »
Sorry you had to see that picture.. I haven't seen any of H and OW yet and I'm sure I won't like if when/if I see one... The pouting.. argh! H used to say that was stupid when people did that, he's now with someone who's pouting in 90% of her pics  ::)
I feel the same, if he was with anyone he met after we separated it wouldn't remind me of the betrayal.. Anyway, one hour spinning is OK, you are human and none of this is easy.. Enjoy your gig!
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H is with OW in her home country  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Silver

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #23 on: June 27, 2019, 11:39:31 PM »
"Pouting like a fish"  ;D I never undestood those pics either, people actually think they're looking good by doing it??  ::)

Though my XW 'met' (read: scheduled everything so it didn't look that bad) OM after we were 'finished', I still don't like seeing them together. That's just the way it is and it's quite logical isn't it?
Even seeing XW looking happy still makes me angry sometimes, even OM wasn't there at all, doesn't last more than a minute or two but still does. Maybe not ever getting totally over it but thinking about my 1st divorce, time did it's work, now after 14 years or so, seeing my 1st W with her H (like in fb) doesn't feel bad at all to me anymore. Took a lot of time but we are totally good with her today.

Have a good weekend mate, maybe have some man time while lady is away??

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #24 on: June 28, 2019, 12:51:13 AM »
Thanks guys, I knew that you would understand.
tbh, she does seem to be happy with her Young gym nerd. I may be a mask, it may be fantasy, it may be real but it doesn’t matter really does it. Fact it, this is not the type of guy who she would have been interested in before she turned into whatever she is now.
It stung a couple of months back when S21 said "mam is happy now", I replied with "so she wasn’t happy before then?" "that’s not what I meant", "well think before you open your mouth next time, he’s STILL HER AP or have you forgotten already?"...... he went quiet and I left the room before I said something which would have pissed him off big time.

Silver, I am going for some wind therapy after work and again tomorrow after breakfast, just me, myself and I. tbh, I think I Need a Weekend without K, she’s great but I Need some me time and a bed with just  my Little doggy  :)
She just skyped me saying that S19 and I can clean the house whilst she’s gone!! I replied "don’t worry, I will obviously do some housework but don’t expect me to spend the whole Weekend cleaning by 30+°C."

As always, after a certain time Little red flags are starting to Pop up here and there. My house is not dirty but it’s not spotless either. Sure K does more in the house than I do but I pull my weight for sure. The biggest Problem is that S19 doesn’t pull his weight, he only does something if we tell him and that has caused a couple of discussions between K and I. He has been good since our last Chat but how Long will it last= I have already threated to throw him out and it’s going to happen it he doesn’t Change. He is 19 now, he’s not a child anymore and I owe him nothing to that extent if he doesn’t pull his weight.
He can live with his mam for all I care, she is the one who "spoilt" him after all!

We played “shark eyes” for the first time with the whole band yesterday!!!!!! It’s going to be AMAZING! I love it and so do the guys, we just have to work on the vocal melodies as they are just, well , rough atm but that’s normal at this stage
« Last Edit: June 28, 2019, 12:55:55 AM by Whyus »
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Silver

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #25 on: June 28, 2019, 05:06:23 AM »
One of the things I have enjoyed after divorce is ME time.
What I have struggled with is to get housework done, not always but sometimes I just think f**k it (weeks when alone especially) and leave all as it is.
Fortunately having kids with me every other week, I HAVE to take care that stuff too. But it's nice in a way too, no one picks me even there's a little mess here and there and it's good that at some point I always get pissed off about it myself and start cleaning  ;D And having J come over regularly helps with that too  ::) Women have amazing effect on us, even though she never says anything even there was a mess.

Love to hear about  the song, mate, make it best one you ever wrote!


"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline gman242

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #26 on: June 28, 2019, 05:33:47 AM »
Hey man, I'm happy you're taking some you time. Honestly, that was the thing I never did before.. I sounded a lot like you guys way back when, before I met W. Going to concerts, playing concerts, someone always had something going on I was going to..

I met this girl before W and I was only with her because she was clingy and dependent on me. Nothing had ever worked out before, even though I always had dates, but there was a part of me that was angry that I didn't have the easy, comfortable, stand by your (wo)man type relationships everyone was settling into. Long story short, I enjoy the clinging and then really resented it.

I broke up with and I swore I was going to be alone and even seclude myself in monastic conditions if that's what it took to get my head on straight. And then I met W 3 or 4 months later. After BD, D and so on, that was my biggest regret ever. Not giving myself time to slow down, think, heal and come to terms with myself.

Maybe for us guys, or a type of guy anyway, it's been easier (and more fun) to turn the volume up to drown out our inner voices. Like the other weekend, I wasn't schedule to be at the airsoft field, but I wanted to use the excuse that I needed to pick up a gun to work on, to get out there, strap on my gear and play a few games. But I talked myself out of it. I spent time with S and myself, instead.

I just read something that said making time for self love / care is really important. I think it's easy to think, yeah, I'm exercising, shooting kids with BB guns, taking care of S.. I'm doing good, right?

yeah, but.. I think you also need to take care of your needs too. Give yourself time to think, really cook yourself a decent meal, fix something that you've been putting off forever around the house. Take care of all those "I should if I get some time" projects.

Don't feel bad dude.. I was all gung ho for weeks.. getting stuff stuff, walking, lifting, taking S to the pool, really slaying the house hold finances, cleaning and now for a week I haven't been able to get off the couch.

It's not easy and at least for me, I'm going to make sure the volume stays down for a while. As a bit of irony, I set up my record player with S the other night and we had fun playing records. He was really into how mechanical the whole thing was and how it worked. I need a good tube pre I think, but it was quality time well spent.

Slow down dude and enjoy it. All you dudes. I think in the long run it does a body good.  8)



Oh man, I feel ya. Kids are tough, teens are tougher. S is 17 and when he was in Colorado, I cleaned the house once and spent 50$ on food the entire time he was gone. He will not do anything he doesn't have to. He tries to clean, but he's not very good at it. Part of it the ADHD, but he's not getting the bigger picture. That's something I struggled with and man.. he's going to get it.  You gotta break out tough dad at some point.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2019, 05:43:26 AM by gman242 »

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #27 on: June 30, 2019, 11:47:36 PM »
Thanks for the Support guys and also for the confirmation regarding "me time".

On Friday K drove to a one day Festival with a GF, they camped 2 nights in Ks VW bus. I rode aroung the Harz mountains on the Suzuki which was amazing, the weather was great and hardly any traffic. I went for another ride on saturday morning then spent a while doing housework before driving 90 minutes to a gig which I had. It was a wedding (she was beautiful and about 15 years younger than him  :o).
The Gig was Ok, as we had Sound issues. It was an old "Palace" and we couldnt Keep the Sound down as there was too much "hall". Everybody there was totally happy but we have our own Standards and we have been better.

As I didnt get home until 5am, I slept until 12, then did some more housework untill K come home. S19 had also pulled his weight at home as I was away on Saturday, this made me a very happy dad. Lets hope that he keeps this up. I must have hit all the right Corners on the cleaning front as K was impressed  ;D. We spent the rest of the day chillin by 30+°C and live streams of Festival gigs we had seen.

Just another 2 weeks until Holidays, the Countdown has begun  ;).
Have a great weel yall
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #28 on: July 04, 2019, 11:57:06 PM »
S19 signed his work contract last night. His boss and "pate" came to our house yesterday to meet us and explan a couple of Things. He is to start a 3 year aprenticship as an insurance salesman. Yes, they have a bad Name but its a good serious Company and the pay is good, he gets 14 months pay a year for example.
K had asked S19 a couple of days back if he would rather have his mam there and he said "no, I dont live with her so it doesnt effect her. I live with you two." K was clearly moved and had to leave the room for a short cry, they were happy tears.
After they left yesterday S19 said "Im glad that mam wasnt here because she would have asked too many pointless questions and we would have been sat here all night". We all had a Little chuckle because it was so true.
He then thanked us for rocking the Meeting with "proper" questions, just the right dres code, Snacks and Drinks and not embarresing him.  ;D

I am not beating up on my XW with this post, it all came from S19 and Shows again that she is more of a "cool big sister" than a mam to him. I have to watch what I write though because None of this was XWs fault, she doesnt know what she is doing as she is so foggy, its all the fogs fault. The fog made her leave her H, Kids and pets for a Gym nerd who is 15 years younger! It was all the fog and she is innocent!
Sorry for that, I just got slated on another thread for saying "they know EXACTLY what they are doing!". Obviously they dont!
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Silver

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Re: Finally finding my peace and myself again.
« Reply #29 on: July 05, 2019, 12:38:32 AM »
I am not beating up on my XW with this post, it all came from S19 and Shows again that she is more of a "cool big sister" than a mam to him. I have to watch what I write though because None of this was XWs fault, she doesnt know what she is doing as she is so foggy, its all the fogs fault. The fog made her leave her H, Kids and pets for a Gym nerd who is 15 years younger! It was all the fog and she is innocent!
Sorry for that, I just got slated on another thread for saying "they know EXACTLY what they are doing!". Obviously they dont!

C'mon mate, don't give too much attention to that. You know like I do that they are responsible of what they chose.

Hey congrats for S19 and to daddy too! That's great news!
 


"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

 

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