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Author Topic: My Story Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8

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My Story Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#50: October 22, 2019, 03:02:02 AM
Hi RT!
Just catching up. I’ve been awol for some time :-\
So sorry! Hoping to update some but wanted to say hi to my strong friend!
H sounds like he’s aware of his loss and you sound like you feel he’s aware!
What I mean is you can sense he’s struggling and it hurts and confuses you just as much now as it did at the start!
The words “I’m leaving “ coming my H’s mouth can still trigger me😞

Back soon I promise!
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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#51: November 16, 2019, 03:16:17 PM
I’m always amazed how quickly time passes. SIL, D and I went home for my bday. It was truly awesome - exactly what I wanted. Saw most of my family and my childhood friends. Connecting with my roots was exactly what I needed. D told my that H told her he wished he was going with us 🤷🏽‍♀️ 

When I returned the guy I’m dating was waiting for me. It’s been nice to feel missed and valued. My actual bday was great. H was here with the kids as we had cake and gifts. I thanked him for the gifts. It was nice but distant - no hugs, etc. Two days later my favorite sports team won the World Series which was awesome. S and I were ecstatic. We went to the championship parade. Old me would not have gone. New me does things outside my comfort zone and enjoys it. It was a fun experience that my S and I shared - just like we’ve shared almost every baseball game for the past few years. It was also great bonding with me and my own dad. We watched all the post season games while texting each other commenting on plays.

I saw H the other day and that had been the first time I had seen him in a couple weeks. He fixed something outside, winterize the pipes, took out the trash, fixed the disposal. All without me asking - so odd. He posted a pic of him and ow today. They are out of the country. She actually looks better than I’ve ever seen her. He looks drunk and soul-less. They are standing next to each other but something about them seems stiff 🤷🏽‍♀️.  I looked at the pic and just kept moving.

Today I made a holiday card. First one since before BD in 2013. Might not seem like a big deal but it’s huge for me! I’m finally ok with the way the story is unfolding. There is no shame in the life I’m living. I’m ok with sending a card that does not have his name.

I’m approaching the busy time of the semester so I’m pretty wiped out at times but genuinely feel good about the person I’ve fought to become and the life she is living. One day at a time but most days with a smile.
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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#52: November 16, 2019, 04:19:51 PM
I was looking at Christmas cards this year too! This would be a first for me too since BD. The lines seem pretty clear now on who I would send them to. So I thought I might give it a go.

I am glad your birthday was celebrated with family and friends.

If H is wishing to be with you and your family celebrating you then yeah.. I guess things might be a little stiff with the mistress these days.  But these were are all his choices with plenary of second and third chances. I don’t get it. Never will.

Onward and upward.
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#53: December 26, 2019, 08:36:29 AM
Been a long time since I’ve posted. I ended up getting very sick which made the prep for Christmas stressful.

Former H waited until the 23rd to say he wanted the kids to come to dinner on Christmas Eve. I was expecting it so it didn’t bother me. They came home with expensive gifts. The tag said “from us” - didn’t have ow name specifically. My D texted a pic of her plate with just a slice of honey baked ham. Says the woman can’t cook. My son confirmed dinner was not good 😂😂😂. A few of my old friends were there. When she sent the pic of her plate I saw one and I told her to whisper and tell him I said hi. She replies a few seconds later to say that he says he needs to hang out with me. She shouted the hello across the table 🤦🏽‍♀️  She’s 17 - hates ow. She knew what she was doing. Another one of the old friends asked her if she was spending the night and she said no. He replied I figured you’d prefer to wake up with mom on Christmas.

I actually had a lovely Christmas Eve on my own. I was cooking and wrapping presents with old R&B playing loudly in the house. Overall enjoying my own company.

I Ended up having the nicest Christmas. former h came over in the morning to open gifts with the kids. He gave me some thoughtful gifts including a painting done by my good friend. He stayed and helped the kids set up their gifts. He helped them clean up while I cooked. He fixed some things around the house - including programming my garage door opener into my new car and taking out the trash. He then hugged everyone as he was leaving. First time he’s hugged me in years. It was a beautiful morning - relaxed and pleasant.

Then my not BF came over for Christmas dinner (we’ve been dating since May with no labels). Met my aunt, uncle and cousin and friends. They all seemed to like him. He helped clean up when it was all over - gave me a foot massage since I was exhausted from all the cooking. Went to sleep with a house full of teenagers and laughter.

It all felt so evolved 😂😂😂. I love my former husband always will and it is clear that he loves me dearly as well but we are both in love with other people. First time that fact has coexisted with no drama. This is so not the life I thought I’d be living. I thought I’d grow old with former h but that plan took a rough detour. I’m finally consistently finding the joy in the life I am living.
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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#54: December 26, 2019, 08:55:58 AM
Really, thank you for your update.

Life just has a funny way of changing things, doesn't it?  But you sound like you're happy now and that is wonderful to hear.

I hope you have a great New Year ahead of you.

Hugs
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#55: December 27, 2019, 02:06:59 AM
Hi RT,

That all sounds like the best possible result considering the situation that you found yourself in.... I am glad that your Christmas turned out so well...
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#56: December 27, 2019, 01:27:55 PM
Sounds like a lovely Christmas.  Mine was not so evolved. Haha!

I had a house full for a week and found that I was really missing my alone time. 
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#57: January 05, 2020, 03:07:44 PM
Great update Really! I‘M happy you enjoyed your time. Truthfully I am. I’m sitting here alone in my kitchen how many years past my H’s return wondering.... still wondering about it all?
Yes he’s back but is he happy and content? I truly don’t know anymore
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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#58: January 22, 2020, 03:39:48 AM
How is life in the New Year treating you, RT?
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
#59: January 29, 2020, 07:53:37 PM
Hey UM. Things are going ok. I’m really happy in my relationship. I have some insecurities about being left that I try to work through when they pop up.

I had some health issues that did trigger me. I felt resentful that if I needed surgery h wouldn’t be there. But my mom said she would come and new guy was very supportive. Its funny how new scenarios may expose other aspects of grieving still needing to be done.

We had a recent death in h family. It was a person I was very close to and it has stunned us all. I am now bracing myself for ow to make her full on debut 🤦🏽‍♀️

How are you doing?
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