Author Topic: My Story Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8  (Read 1539 times)

Offline 31andcounting

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My Story Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
« Reply #50 on: October 22, 2019, 03:02:02 AM »
Hi RT!
Just catching up. I’ve been awol for some time :-\
So sorry! Hoping to update some but wanted to say hi to my strong friend!
H sounds like he’s aware of his loss and you sound like you feel he’s aware!
What I mean is you can sense he’s struggling and it hurts and confuses you just as much now as it did at the start!
The words “I’m leaving “ coming my H’s mouth can still trigger me😞

Back soon I promise!
Hugs 31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline ReallytryingTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
« Reply #51 on: November 16, 2019, 03:16:17 PM »
I’m always amazed how quickly time passes. SIL, D and I went home for my bday. It was truly awesome - exactly what I wanted. Saw most of my family and my childhood friends. Connecting with my roots was exactly what I needed. D told my that H told her he wished he was going with us 🤷🏽‍♀️ 

When I returned the guy I’m dating was waiting for me. It’s been nice to feel missed and valued. My actual bday was great. H was here with the kids as we had cake and gifts. I thanked him for the gifts. It was nice but distant - no hugs, etc. Two days later my favorite sports team won the World Series which was awesome. S and I were ecstatic. We went to the championship parade. Old me would not have gone. New me does things outside my comfort zone and enjoys it. It was a fun experience that my S and I shared - just like we’ve shared almost every baseball game for the past few years. It was also great bonding with me and my own dad. We watched all the post season games while texting each other commenting on plays.

I saw H the other day and that had been the first time I had seen him in a couple weeks. He fixed something outside, winterize the pipes, took out the trash, fixed the disposal. All without me asking - so odd. He posted a pic of him and ow today. They are out of the country. She actually looks better than I’ve ever seen her. He looks drunk and soul-less. They are standing next to each other but something about them seems stiff 🤷🏽‍♀️.  I looked at the pic and just kept moving.

Today I made a holiday card. First one since before BD in 2013. Might not seem like a big deal but it’s huge for me! I’m finally ok with the way the story is unfolding. There is no shame in the life I’m living. I’m ok with sending a card that does not have his name.

I’m approaching the busy time of the semester so I’m pretty wiped out at times but genuinely feel good about the person I’ve fought to become and the life she is living. One day at a time but most days with a smile.

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 8
« Reply #52 on: November 16, 2019, 04:19:51 PM »
I was looking at Christmas cards this year too! This would be a first for me too since BD. The lines seem pretty clear now on who I would send them to. So I thought I might give it a go.

I am glad your birthday was celebrated with family and friends.

If H is wishing to be with you and your family celebrating you then yeah.. I guess things might be a little stiff with the mistress these days.  But these were are all his choices with plenary of second and third chances. I don’t get it. Never will.

Onward and upward.
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

 

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