Author Topic: My Story Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken  (Read 2901 times)

Offline Thunder

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My Story Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #20 on: September 24, 2019, 11:07:25 AM »
Hi MB, glad to see you back.   :)

I'm curious, did you get anything out of that other forum?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Treasur

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #21 on: September 24, 2019, 11:14:42 AM »
I didn’t read any malice in your post Brain.  I find your information about trauma very interesting.

Me too.
Yes people can be mean and scary sometimes. But not all of the time and not everyone. People can be kind and gentle too. X
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Anjae

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #22 on: September 24, 2019, 12:18:22 PM »
I didn’t read any malice in your post Brain.

I did.

I don't like people, let alone those with serious mental illnesses, come by and proclaim MLCers, not just a few or some, MLCers, as in all, suffer from the same issues they do.

Worst. In Brain's case, I have no idea who posted. Brain himself? One of his parts? If so, which one? I am sorry, but what you did (and have done several times) is/was profundly disturbing to me.

I suppose I am the mean, scrary person. I neither. I just deslike proclamations that I (since I'm a former MLCer), my MLCer, MLCers in general suffer from the same issues as Brain.

You're free to bloc me all you want, Brain. It does not change facts and it does not make what you did any less wrong or unethical.

I have no idea what sort of a person you are, other than one that comes around and says MLCers, and I means MLCers, not just some, or a few, suffer from what you suffer.

You never meet them, have you? How can you diagnose them when not even a professional would in the same situation?

People can be really mean (that's my 6 year old part talking). And scary (that's my 4 year old parts contribution).

This is what I am speaking about. I have no clue who posted. I have no clue who posts when.

I spoke with my 6 year old part. I told her she isn't welcome on here, that this is a forum for grownups, but I can't promise that she will stay away. Some of the things people write on here trigger my parts and I can't control them when they've been triggered.

Indeed. This forum is for grown ups. It truly is disturbing. One does not know if the post was from a grown man or a four or six years old kid. It is totally disturbing.


Please get professional help, Brain and kindly stop projecting your mental issues upon other people, MLCers as a whole included. Thank you.


P.S. If my friend who is a psychiatrist would come on HS and would start diagnose people he never meet or spoke with, it would be wrong, disturbing and unethical. A lay person doing is 100 times more disturbing. A person with parts doing it? ... I'm lost for words.

I cannot be the only seeing and knowing how wrong and unethical this is, can I? ??? :o
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Nerissa

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #23 on: September 24, 2019, 12:25:35 PM »

P.S. If my friend who is a psychiatrist would come on HS and would start diagnose people he never meet or spoke with, it would be wrong, disturbing and unethical. A lay person doing is 100 times more disturbing. A person with parts doing it? ... I'm lost for words.

I cannot be the only seeing and knowing how wrong and unethical this is, can I? ??? :o


Are we reading the same posts Anjae?  I just don’t see what you are seeing in them.  I read Brains own experience described, that’s all. 

Offline Anjae

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #24 on: September 24, 2019, 12:33:49 PM »
Are we reading the same posts Anjae?  I just don’t see what you are seeing in them.  I read Brains own experience described, that’s all.

I don't know. I am talking about the image Brain posted on the Links thread and his Reply 134 on that thread and his posts about his parts.

I agree. It wasn't meant to be encouraging but I thought it might be enlightening for those who wonder why MLC takes so long.

I do not know how you read this, but posted after the image with PTSD/C-PTDS and dissociative disorders, to me it reads as the reason why MLC takes so long (for some it does not, so even that is incorrect), is PTSD/C-PTDS and dissociative disorders.

As for the parts. I do find them disturbing. I find it disturbing not knowing who posted, who I am replying to. And I find it deeply disturbing that a person with such issues is going around HS doing what not even a professional would.

This is not the first time Brain does it. It is upsetting, it is not right.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline MyBrainIsBrokenTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #25 on: September 24, 2019, 02:38:30 PM »
Hi Thunder! I hate to say it but I didn't find the other forum helpful. I'm not sure why. I just felt uncomfortable there. Maybe that's something that I need to work on.

Treasur, you are so right. There are a lot of kind and gentle people in the world and a lot of them are members of this forum. And this is a good illustration of the problem with having parts. My parts have been traumatized and they are still living in that trauma. My 6 year old part is convinced that people are mean and my 4 year old part is convinced that people are scary.

A year ago I didn't know I had parts but they were there and they were passively influencing me. All that I knew back then was that I was uncomfortable around people I didn't know and that it was very hard for me to trust people. Now I know why I feel the way I do but it's going to take some work to change things. My therapist is going to work with me to help my parts process their trauma.

This all started with my first therapist doing inner child work with me. She wanted me to nurture my inner child but I couldn't do it. It wasn't working, which didn't make sense because I'm a parent and so I should know how to nurture a child. But I've learned since then that the inner child I was trying to nurture had been traumatized. Very few parents know how to nurture a child that has been traumatized.

Then, we made a surprising discovery. We found that my inner child has a twin sister. Then we started doing conference room work (Google Frasier's Dissociative Table Technique if you're interested) and more parts started to make themselves known. Then my diagnosis changed from C-PTSD to DID/OSDD and she referred me to my current therapist who is very skilled at working with parts.

There seems to be some concern that I'm saying that all MLCers have dissociative disorders and that they're all crazy like me so here's what I have to say about that.

I believe my wife and I have been going through what would be considered an MLC by most LBSes on this forum. I think it would be pretty presumptuous of anyone to tell me that I'm wrong about that since there isn't an official description or diagnosis of what an MLC is but we both seem to fit the script with some minor deviations, which is also script.

I've been diagnosed with OSDD Subtype 1b by two people who are experts with years of experience and strong academic credentials related to the treatment of trauma and dissociative disorders. I'm not consulting with doctors who are bleeding me with leeches. My diagnosis and treatment are based on the latest findings in 21st century neuroscience and developmental psychology.

I believe, based on my personal interactions with my wife and her family over the past 42 years that my wife's crisis has a foundation very similar to my own so she would probably receive a similar diagnosis.

I can't say that any other person's MLCer has a dissociative disorder or anything else since I have never met any of them, all I know about them is what somebody has written about them on this forum, and I am not qualified to diagnose anyone for anything. Even as a Critical Care EMT, I don't diagnose patients, I simply treat their symptoms.

I have seen people come to this forum, be identified as an MLCer or recovering MLCer, and then be flooded with requests for information. I am reluctant to identify as an MLCer because I DO NOT want that. I don't want to be treated like an exhibit in the zoo and I don't want to be asked to explain why anyone's MLCer is doing the things they are doing. It's hard enough for me to try to explain why I did the things that I did. Besides, I'm more interested in discussing what I'm learning about my childhood and how those experiences formed me into the person that I am today than I am in trying to explain the events that have taken place during the past 10 years. But I do believe the things I experienced during my childhood led to the events of the past 10 years.

I do find it difficult to understand how anyone could post on this forum with the website's underlying Jungian tones and then object to a discussion about dissociative disorders since the theory of structural dissociation of the personality has strong Jungian roots. As a bonus, the theory of structural dissociation of the personality is based upon solid current neuroscience. Jung theorized about the Shadow, modern neuroscientists can see it using fMRI imaging. And many of the characteristics of MLC that bother people are symptoms of trauma related disorders such as dissociative disorders. Things like sudden personality changes, the fog, lying, cycling, shark eyes, etc. Given that, it seems like it would be worth at least looking at it with an open mind.

In the snippet that Nerissa posted from one of Anjae's posts, I get the impression that everything I write should be discounted because I've admitted that I have parts ("A person with parts doing it? ... I'm lost for words.") Having parts doesn't mean that I'm crazy and it doesn't mean that I'm stupid although I might be willing to accept that admitting on this forum that I have parts might mean that I'm either crazy or stupid.  ::)

Everyone has parts, also sometimes referred to as ego states. At least I hope you all do. I hope you behave differently when you're with your children than you do when you're with your partner and that you behave differently when you're happy than you do when you're sad (Google ego state theory). The difference is that I have parts that have been walled off from the rest of my system because they're holding childhood trauma. That happened because that's what my mind had to do in order for me to survive my childhood without becoming truly insane. It doesn't make me stupid or crazy and it doesn't make what I write irrelevant.

I really like what Nerissa wrote on the Links and Articles thread about opinions. We all have and are entitled to our opinions but I'm not interested in discussing whose opinion is right and whose opinion is wrong. Without strong facts to back them no one's opinion is better than anyone else's. I live in the world of Academia. I love learning and that comes about through the sharing of information. Debate is healthy but don't try to tell me your opinion is right and mine is wrong unless you have some evidence to support your opinion. Otherwise, we don't call that debating, we call it arguing, and we don't have time for it. I usually try to support what I write by posting links to articles on reputable websites or by suggesting Google queries. I welcome responses that challenge my statements by providing similar references but if all that you can provide is your opinion that you're right and I'm wrong, you're not debating, you're simply wasting forum space and time by being argumentative and if you continue to do it I'll probably end up blocking your posts. I'm sorry if that makes me sound superior, dismissive, or unkind. I view it as being realistic.

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #26 on: September 24, 2019, 05:57:34 PM »
MBIB,

Hey, nice to see you! 

I hope things are improving for you.  How's the new school year going?  Still responding to calls?  I hit quite a few this summer but have missed several this month now that I'm back working long hours. 

Stick around and continue to educate me on things that I don't know much about.  I'm finding it useful and beneficial.   

BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline MyBrainIsBrokenTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #27 on: September 24, 2019, 08:36:05 PM »
Hi SB,

Thanks for commenting. I was thinking maybe it was a mistake to start posting on here again and then I read your post and now I feel better about returning. I do think, though, that I need to find something more interesting to talk about so thanks for your questions.

Things are going well at school. We're still really short-handed so I'm teaching an overload course again but only one this semester instead of two like during the Spring semester. My department is working with another department to create an inter-disciplinary program that I think is going to be huge and I'm leading the effort. We had a joint meeting with them last week. I presented a proposal for a new course that I would teach for their students and they liked my ideas so much the course was going to be an elective and now they're thinking about making it a required course for all of their students. If that happens I'll probably be teaching a quadruple overload in the spring.

Like you, I was quite busy going on EMS calls last summer but now I've had to cut back with school back in session. I missed a call the other day that I would have liked to have taken. A woman in labor and the baby was crowning. I haven't heard how it turned out but if I missed a delivery I'm going to be unhappy. Just one time I'd like to deliver a baby in the ambulance. But only once. Next month I'll be attending a big EMS conference. That should be fun. I'm all registered and have my hotel reservations. I'm glad to hear that you're still enjoying being a first responder. Any thoughts about becoming an EMT?

Have you found any good, new ice cream flavors? I found a new ice cream shop that I really like. It's a movie drive-in with an attached ice cream shop, pizza and sub shop, short order restaurant, and mini golf. It's really nice there. The last time I stopped they were having a big classic car show. There must have been 200 to 300 classic cars there. The show was almost over when I got there and the classic cars were just getting ready to leave. About a hundred of us stood by the highway watching them leave so most of them had to burn some rubber when they pulled out onto the road. It was really loud and there was a lot of tire smoke in the air.  :)

Are you still running? I laid off running for a while because my knee was bothering me but I think I've solved the problem I was having so I've been hitting it pretty hard and I've gotten a lot of my speed and endurance back. I ran in a 5K a week ago where I finished 1st against all of the old guys in my age group. I also finished 11th overall out of almost 350 finishers and finished ahead of everyone in the 20-29 male age group which made my 22 year old part very happy. I'm thinking of racing another half marathon. Last night I ran 10.5 miles at an average pace of 7:51 per mile and I wasn't really working too hard. If I can push that out to 13.1 miles and speed up by 6 seconds to 7:45 per mile I can qualify to run the 2020 NYC Marathon. I'm thinking it might be fun to run NYC again.

How's your weather been? Have you had any snow yet? How is school going for you? What do they have you doing this year? Have you started hoping for a snow day yet?

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #28 on: September 24, 2019, 09:32:06 PM »

I don't like people, let alone those with serious mental illnesses, come by and proclaim MLCers, not just a few or some, MLCers, as in all, suffer from the same issues they do.

I just deslike proclamations that I (since I'm a former MLCer), my MLCer, MLCers in general suffer from the same issues as Brain.

P.S. If my friend who is a psychiatrist would come on HS and would start diagnose people he never meet or spoke with, it would be wrong, disturbing and unethical. A lay person doing is 100 times more disturbing. A person with parts doing it? ... I'm lost for words.

I cannot be the only seeing and knowing how wrong and unethical this is, can I? ??? :o

I'm very glad you said this Anjae, because it explains so much about you.

You have self-diagnosed yourself with MLC. Is that right? I'm not even going to try to answer that. But I can tell you, whatever happened to you, it sure looks very different from what I see happening to my H.

But therein perhaps also lies the reason you have previously declared that my H is not an MLCer, because you have self-diagnosed yourself with having had MLC, and you don't like what you see in my H and therefore do not want to think you have the same issues as him. The easiest way to disassociate yourself is to simply say my H isn't suffering from MLC.

I don't know what happened to you, because I wasn't there. I only have your words to go on. But I live with my MLCer and my MIL. I am aware of the abuse he suffered as a child (because he told me himself) and even how he reacted to it (thanks to my SIL) No one can fool me into not seeing the FOO issues playing themselves out every day here.

I am going to use PTSD and CPTSD as an example that perhaps can help you to disassociate yourself from our MLCers who you don't want to be lumped together with. First there was PTSD. Then they realized there was a subset, with different causes and manifestations, and CPTSD came to be defined. Perhaps it is the same way with MLC. What you claim you suffered from never seemed to me to be anything like what most others' describe happening to their spouses on here, but perhaps that is because it simply is because they are subsets of something we all call MLC.

You say it is unethical to diagnose someone. That may be the case, but your argument reminds me of the same argument being made about Donald Trump. I read a good article the other day on that topic that I suggest you read because I think it applies to us when we analyze our MLCers: https://www.salon.com/2019/08/26/nuking-the-hurricane-diagnosing-trumps-apparent-mental-illness-isnt-the-point/
We all are dealing with behaviors from our spouses that are very real. It doesn't matter what you call it, it's still what we have to deal with every day.

Let's imagine someone was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and they really did not want to have that terminal illness. Would it be appropriate for them to go around criticizing everyone else who had that illness for saying they had that illness because they didn't want the illness themselves?  That you dismiss the experiences of so many people on here simply because you don't want to be associated with such experiences yourself is selfish and self-centered. I'm sorry, but my H did not have his MLC and I didn't come here to discuss it to offend you.  You are not our focus.

This is a forum for LBSes. If you self-identify more as an MLCer than an LBS, then I can understand why this forum may not be a comfortable place for you. But it's your choice to join and no one forced you to do so.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2019, 09:37:50 PM by Not Your Monkey »
Beware "MLCers" telling lies.

Offline MyBrainIsBrokenTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Goodbye from MyBrainIsBroken
« Reply #29 on: September 25, 2019, 05:45:04 AM »
An interesting comment from an article Treasur posted about interpersonal neurobiology. An excerpt from an interview with researcher Allan Schore.

Quote
Jung, who studied dissociation, described how the enduring emotional impact of childhood trauma “remains hidden all along from the patient, so that not reaching consciousness, the emotion never wears itself out, it is never used up.” He also stated the trauma may suddenly return: “it forces itself tyrannically upon the conscious mind. The explosion of affect is a complete invasion of the individual. It pounces upon him like an enemy or a wild animal.”

https://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/allan-schore-neuroscience-psychotherapy

Sounds like a description of MLC to me. Interesting to see a modern developmental neurobiology researcher referencing Jung.

 

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