[KellBell]

I have read fog stories and things from recovered MLCers where they do say they get to point of hating their spouse and have thoughts of killing them. Some of them are on here I think. So crazy.

[gman242]

Off Road - Glad you're still doing well

I don't think it's uncommon that unhappy people make their closest loved one the target of their self hate and loathing. I'm sure there's some kind of serial killer ring of truth in there somewhere right? 

I recall many times in my marriage, feeling powerless and begging my XW to tell me why she hated me so much. I think for her, the cheating was part of it, that she had something on me and that I "couldn't control her". I never tried..  but in her head, of course, I was responsible for everything that was making her unhappy.

[MadLuv]

Wow, Offroad. What a story. You know I remember when my XH came over to talk to me after my insistence as the BD was by text while  he was out of town. 30 years is not ending over a text. During out conversation I told him. I have no idea what or why this is happening. You clearly aren’t thinking clearly, but thank you for not killing me. He looked at me strangely. I said, if you can do this then I am just thankful that I am not dead. You must need to get out pretty bad. Isn‘t that why the show snapped exists?

[forthetrees]

Hmmm, mine reenacted the first scene in the Dexter series with the cooking of the meat. He went out of town and I took the car to the mechanic to check the brakes. Yeah, those spidey senses do get revved up. Oh, and hid the ammo away from the guns, but later learned that he had purchased other weapons and a boat load of ammo.

[Lisa Merle]

I was left in 2014 and then again in 2015 for good after 37 years and 4 children. I realized after much research my ex has Aspergers which is related to midlife crisis. I wrote my memoir The Asperger Husband which can be read for FREE with a kindle subscription. I rose from the ashes and am the lucky one. There is hope for all as their life does not really turned out as they planned and your life may end up much better without them!

[kikki]

Hi Lisa M, I am interested to read your post and am keen to read your book, as a couple of weeks ago I learnt that studies had shown gender dysphoria is common in teens on the asperger/autistic spectrum.  It got me wondering if this could be a fit for people at mid life with identity disorders such as MLC, but I haven't been able to find any research.
Fellow LBS and I have looked at all manner of reasons for this sudden and explosive crisis in our spouses, and there are many potentials and many discussions on historic threads (including the potential of a pre-frontal dementia).

Glad to hear your health is improving OffRoad

[OffRoad]

I don't call, I don't write.....I do read and sometimes respond to others, but life gets in the way.

I was amazed and a little concerned that others had some situations that were just as creepy.

This year's vacation was really good. Legs are again improving. Slow and steady. No longer in constant pain, and actually took 5 steps with only walking sticks the other day. Doctors are baffled as I was only supposed to get worse, not reverse and get better. Go figure.  I am now the proud owner of a Zeen (www.gozeen.com if you want to see one). My friend and I went to Las Vegas MeowWolf/Omega Mart, 9 mile Canyon in Utah, Arches NP AND canyonlans NP, and some random road that cliff climbers use that was riddled with Petroglyphs (many of which had to have been destroyed when they cut the road) and some Dino tracks.

The Zeen. Worth every penny I paid for it. Folds up flat to 12 inches and slides in the car. I can even manage it myself. Made it 4 hours at Omega Mart, then another hour+ at the Pinball museum. No good for running in the rain, though.

9 mile canyon. Absolutely stunning. Petroglyphs and pictographs, cows, fields, birds, clouds, blue sky...until it wasn't.  Just as we made it to the main rock art site, it poured. Thank goodness for 4wd. We would not have made it out as parts of the road were flooding.  Nice adventure.

Arches & Canyonlands. If I were suggesting to anyone, hit Bryce Canyon and Zion instead. Arches was OK, had a couple of nice picture places, but many too far or hilly for me to get to (had to shift to the Veloped Trek offroad walker). Canyonlands had some good offroad driving, but we were on our own so didn't go too far.  In younger days I'd have hit some of the overnight drives with others. Nice views.

Random road. I have no idea what the name of it was, but we ran into other like minded individuals searching for glyphs. Who knew there would be a dozen or more of us out there. Disappointed I could not hike to the Dino tracks, but rolling off the side of a very high flat face wall would have been a bad way to end the trip.

I now have three waist high gardens built of cinder block. My D and I got them when we shut down the office (people used them to make standing desks), she built the gardens, then abruptly decided to head back to MA. I finished the tops with capstones (veloped trek held 6 10 lb blocks at a time from car to garden) and now I have crazy tomatoes. The jalapeno got lost in there somewhere. Added a dwarf Lapin cherry and Bartlett Pear to two two foot high cinder block planters and a Santa Rosa Plum and Pink Lady apple to a couple of barrels. With the three citrus I got last year,  7 fruit trees total in the back, plus the red grape that has covered the fence and another barrel with a black grape. In three years I'll either have more fruit, or critters than I can handle. Or maybe both.

For all the newbies out there, your life can get better, it can get worse. I've kind of seen some of both.  But just keep going. It doesn't have to be dull.

D got a job at Boston Dynamics. Hey, I'd go play with robots, too. So back to just me here, and I kind of like the quiet. I have snowflakes and jellyfish hanging from the ceiling, fruit trees,  solar lights and waterfalls all over my back yard, am kinda sorta mobile, and have Mexican Coca Cola in the fridge. 8 years ago I was a puddle on the floor. Whatever happens with your MLCer, life can end up just fine. I wish you all well.

[MadLuv]

Wow, wish there were pictures along with this post. So many good things. I love you repurposed and made an amazing garden. My old retailer I worked for was  working for was throwing away base stands for shoe tables and I took 36 of them and flipped them on the side and stacked them on top of each other and they made an amazing shoe wall in my master and then 2 great storage walls in my garage and all for free!! Love those little things

You are so right. Things can be better or worse. You just have to keep looking for the good. There is always good. You also can get so comfortable being alone that is also scary. I enjoy my alone time too much now   still a good thing. Great update. Thank you for sharing

[forthetrees]

Fellow glyph lover here- have pics from Arches when I did a NOLS semester and Hawaiian ones. There´s just something so cool about ancient artistic expression. I planted Niagra grapes this spring and donut peaches last fall. Yes to the fruit!

[xyzcf]

Lovely update Offroad. I was in Zion in March and it rained. We had a geologist with us to tell us about the rocks etc and actually because t was raining we got to see fantastic waterfalls which normally are not there. I have also been to Arches and Canyonland and took a back country jeep tour in Canyonland which was white knuckle all the way.

I grow things is large pots, herbs, lettuce, zuccini, tomatoes, some other stuff. I love going out at dinner and picking fresh basil or lettuce/tomatoes and then making a salad. It's very dry (well not this year) in Colorado so I have to water everything everyday...I find my garden (lots of flowers, trees and grass) very relaxing (although today I have a guy doing some yard work that I find too much for me...and that is just fine). I even enjoy mowing the lawn. I have bird feeders and delight in their song and their colorful feathers. My computer is on my kitchen table in front of a large bay window which allows me to see outside...I am fortunate that I have so many windows, it always feels like the outdoors is indoors.

In October, I am going on a European river cruise with a friend and next spring, another golf trip this time to Sedona.

COVID shut so much of life down!!!! And then I felt "scared" for a while about traveling. I also feel my body aches and am more tired than I once was...and have some family and friends who have some diagnoses that you don't realize will ever happen to you.

I feel. That has been the biggest improvement is that I feel normal emotions, I smile, and laugh and enjoy the first few sips of coffee every morning.

Glad to hear that you are getting out and about and doing the things you love!