Author Topic: My Story They just don't understand 3  (Read 1322 times)

Offline Stand TallTopic starter

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My Story Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #20 on: August 22, 2019, 09:31:21 AM »
So, i get another email which sounds a little desperate or maybe with frustrated attitude asking me to meet up with him so I can sign some papers saying that I have seen his mortgage loan modification. Then he wants me to go to his bank and have this form notarized. I have asked him 3 times now to email me a copy for further review. In one email he said that he was would be emailing a copy by the end of the day. Didn't happen.

  I have no plans on signing anything for him. I am not on his mortgage loan, I have no trust in anything he is doing right now and I am not his mother and will not be a part of his crazy world.

  I have plans to call his mortgage company and see if they will send me a copy of this form. He made this modification way back in February and nothing was said back then about me needing to sign anything. My gut is telling me that this form is for me to sign away my rights to our home.

  Do y'all feel I'm handling this situation correctly? I just don't want to meet up with him with him expecting me to sign this paper.

-Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline Thunder

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #21 on: August 22, 2019, 10:08:19 AM »
Yes Stand, you are handling this perfectly.

Who signs a document until they've read it and knows what it means???  No person I know.
He is not furnishing a copy for some reason.
Just ignore his pleas until he gives it to you.
I wouldn't waste my time hunting down the bank for it.

Strange MLCer's.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Stand TallTopic starter

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #22 on: August 22, 2019, 10:34:50 AM »
Thank you Thunder,

  So, I went ahead and phoned the bank and talked to a very nice man who explained what the document is and what its for. Same thing H said it was for. I still don't want to sign it until I have a copy in front of me and I have read it myself in my own space without him breathing down my neck. I also want a copy for my records.

  H had also told me that he know wants to rent out the whole property taking away the apartment that I will have for my home. That is something I will never agree to. The main house can be rented out for the amount of the original loan payment. If he has a higher payment now that is his problem not mine. I could live in the apartment for free and the tenants would even cover my utilities.

  I'm really putting my foot down on this one. H does not provide me with any spousal support, so if he wants to keep it that way it will have to be done my way. I'm at the stage of tough love and this stuff does not impress me.

  Its like dealing with a stubborn child.  :o

Yes, I've detached about 95%.
-Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline Stand TallTopic starter

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #23 on: August 23, 2019, 02:37:13 PM »
  This morning I received a copy of the documents, through his email, that I need to sign for H loan modification on the house. It is what I was told by H and his bank. All should be good, but its put me in a position of making some, in my opinion, tough decisions. Here is the situation, I could use some input and advice on this.
 
  Loan modification means a higher interest rate, back to 30 years on the loan and about $200 more dollars a month in payment. We bought the house 3 years ago. H was already in crisis, but I was naive to it. He bought his Harley 1 month later.  :o. 9 months after BD house was going into foreclosure.

  The house is a duplex. We will rent out the main house and I plan on living in the upstairs apartment. Now that I am stronger I feel that it is time for me to go back home. All this sounds great and easy, but

  H wants to rent out the whole property leaving me with no place to live. I'm staying at my sons house at the moment, which works out ok, but does not give me full privacy or quiet time for myself.

  My son is a property manager by trade and he has run the numbers for me on how much rent we could charge for my home. What he tells me would be $300 shy of the mortgage payment or $100 shy of the original mortgage payment. This is not my problem as I didn't create this mess.

  I believe these are the choices that I am facing at this time. I am a stander so,

       1. Get what I have left in the house and walk away from the whole thing. I am not on the loan, but I am on the title making me owner of half of the house. This would mean I would have to store all my belongings costing me about $300 a month. This would also mean that I will not be signing the loan modification document leaving him blowing in the wind.
       
       2. Sign the document and allow him to rent out the property with me not knowing what is happening. Trusting that he is making sound choices.

       3. Tell him that in order for me to sign I will need to take controlling interest in the property. I will hire my son as the property manager and he will report to me. The rent payment will come to me and I will give it to H after I've seen proof of his mortgage payment being made. I will live upstairs. This would also mean H would have to trust me.

  I have a wonderful plan on who I would rent the house to. The veterans administration has a program for disabled/homeless veterans. I will be checking into this program on monday to see what I need to do to get this implemented. By doing this it will bring my H closer to the money he needs for the mortgage payment. I feel that this is a win win all the way around.

  I could really use some advice or opinions on this. I know its going to take some convincing on my part for him to give me control over the decisions on the house. My way will keep the house safe for our future.

-Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #24 on: August 24, 2019, 05:37:30 AM »
Well I am no expert here but...

1. If you are not in the property at the moment, perhaps walking away from the whole thing would be less of a headache in the long run...but I don't know how much you would have invested here. If you were to sell the property how much money would you make? If the mortgage is higher than the property value...you won't make squat..so I would walk away. If there is a considerable amount to be gained, I wouldn't as you are entitled to it. As for the ''stuff'' ...furniture could be left and sold or rented as furnished...if it is more personal items perhaps it is time to declutter? £300 per month is a lot for a virtual shed IMO.

2. This sounds like a horrible idea from what you have written. I would never trust my MLCer to make a sound choice. Perhaps yours is more mature and financially responsible than mine...but...  ::)

3. I am not entirely sure your MLCer will let you have this level of control. Remember we are the enemy. It would be a super hard sell to have him 'trust you' and 'give you control'. Hiring your son seems like a good idea as he is a property manager, but in the long run..if things don't go your way ...you are directly setting him up to be a middle man. If things go good...it will be great... if things go bad... you could damage your relationship with your son, or his relationship with his father. My mom alarm is flagging this a red flag. ''The rent coming to you, then you giving to H after you see proof of the mortgage'' is highly controlling. I know why you are doing it (for your security) but from a 3rd party it looks and feels controlling, so to your husband it will look even more controlling...does that make sense?

Perhaps there is another option.

Why don't you discuss with your MLCer (in as few words as possible  ::)) that you need to move out of son's for the reasons you described, that you would like to return to living in the apartment...that it would allow you to keep an eye on the tenants and keep them from destroying the house...that it would offer you a place to stay...it would offer son his privacy...and perhaps even suggest your idea about the veteran's to him. Maybe if you approach it as if you are trying to 'help him' instead of 'policing' him he might be more open to the idea?

As for ensuring the rent get's paid that part is tricky. While you want to make sure the mortgage is paid, him having the money flow through you is going to be a hard sell. You could try the tactic of ''the renters can pay me, and I will pay the mortgage so you don't need to worry about it...''. Most MLCers seem to want less responsibility so he might buy that one. Perhaps you could even set up a bank account simply for the rent to be paid into, and the mortgage to come out of? A join account simply for the house payment and rent would be an idea. One that you both have access to online (to view the incoming and outgoing payments) but that you are not allowed to withdraw funds from.. (this should be easy enough to set up with your bank if you both go in together).
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline beyondblessed

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #25 on: August 24, 2019, 06:18:27 PM »
I know nothing about your situation, history or backstory with your MLC journey, but there is no way on God's green earth I would attach my name to anything the MLC'er is doing  that it isn't already on.  At this point, you should be focused on cutting ties, not creating new ones.

Offline Stand TallTopic starter

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #26 on: August 24, 2019, 06:30:17 PM »
Mortsbride,

  While reading one of Shocks Sis answers to a different LBS today I felt like her words were meant for me. I have also felt that God has been giving me the same message.

This is what she wrote:

 Hi Terra
Don’t respond to him he’s very manipulative and it’s a form of control.
Tell him nothing about anything you are doing and only respond if it’s life or death or something important about your children.
It seems to me he needs to have some control as he has none for himself.
Please let him know nothing.

  Knowing that the house is the only thing that is keeping me attached I've decided it's time to take my power back. This loan modification is the third thing that he has brought to me to save the house. I feel like he is playing a game with me.

  My DIL read the document that he wants me to sign and pointed out that the document expired a month ago. I have decided that I will be concentrating on removing my things from my house and I am going to drop the rope. My marriage and my ties up emotions will be put on a shelf and I will move forward taking care of me.

  I just can't let him continue on with this control. Today I received a brand new credit card with enough credit on it for me to rent a truck and a storage unit to put my belongings. I will only take what is important to me and I will leave all the junk for him to take care of.

  He will either sink or swim, but it is no longer my problem.
Let Go and Let God take care of it.

~Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline Stand TallTopic starter

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #27 on: August 24, 2019, 06:38:46 PM »
BB,

  Thank you for your advice. Quick education on my sitch. H left 18 months ago. Like most is destroying himself financially and stopped paying for the house. Loan is in his name alone and I am on the title making me half owner of the property.

  To keep the house from going into foreclosure and most likely to save his job he modified his loan and because I am on title the bank needs me to sign acknowledging that I agree to the modification. I would not be signing up for anything new with my MLCer.

  You can see what I posted above.

~Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline beyondblessed

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #28 on: August 25, 2019, 06:28:09 AM »
Ok, gotcha,  ST....you are attached, just not to the actual loan.  That may make a difference, but only if there is enough equity in the home to disperse, if the home is sold and dependent upon the agreement you have in place, should the home be sold.

At 18 months, this guy has only just begun his descent.  He has a lot more destruction to carry out, so my best advice is to sign nothing your own legal counsel has not approved.  This is not the man you once knew.  This person has no real feelings towards you, therefore your interests in this are nowhere in the picture as far as he's concerned.   Do your homework and check it twice.  Being just as ruthless and cutthroat may not be your style,  but I promise it will leave you better off down the road.

Offline Stand TallTopic starter

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Re: They just don't understand 3
« Reply #29 on: August 25, 2019, 09:50:48 PM »
BB,

  H and I have no agreement on the sale of the house, but with my name on the title he can't sell it without me signing off on it for the title company and I don't have plans anymore of helping him figure things out to fix his problems. I feel if I keep fixing things then he will never get through this. We bought the house just 3 years ago and with his non payments and now a modification to the loan there is no equity in the house.

  I'm a little confused as to why he ever bought it in the first place. I believe he was already in his MLC at the time. He had already BD me a year before we bought the house with the ILYBINILWY speech and then a month later he bought his Harley. He had already gone through a lot of the typical changes by then. I had no clue. I didn't know what a MLC was. I believe he was a live in for the first 2 years.

  He threw some controlling type words at me through an email, so I'm going to give it back to him. I'm moving my stuff out and walking away. Like you said "Being ruthless and cutthoat" needs to be used sometimes. If he want to take all the stress of preparing a house to rent then by all means have at it. I on the other hand will be sleeping at night.

~Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

 

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