[lawprofessor]

I dare say that there are far more serious issues going on than Old Timers debating issues that are relevant to them.

That's quite an understatement. 

Old timers sharing their stories and views looking back is exactly what begins the discussions.  One says she regrets x or would have done y differently and so begins the conversation.  That's not asking right or wrong.  That's a discussion.  Sharing thoughts and feelings with other old timers for a short period since most of us don't want to have our own threads because we aren't here day in and day out anymore.

It's only when people become reactive and defensive, rather than open minded that things get out of hand. 

Why does this require analysis I wonder.  It may not be some people's cup of tea but I don't recall there being a rule against discussion here is there?

Lp

[Anjae]

I have my own thread. Don't update much, just enough to not get archived. However, even if I do not mind discussion on my own thread, I prefer to debate and discuss on a discussion thread.

The symbol discussion says it all, doesn't it? It is called discussion for a reason, right? 

It may not be some people's cup of tea but I don't recall there being a rule against discussion here is there?

Indeed. I also don't think there is a rule against discussion. Let alone on a discussion thread. Why would a discussion thread exist if not for discussion?

[Thunder]

You're right, LP.  A discussion thread should be for discussing topics.

So should this have been a Discussion thread to start with?  IDK

[Thunder]

Anjae, I agree with you.

[Anjae]

So should this have been a Discussion thread to start with?  IDK

I think it always was. It was also always used for Old Timers to report about themselves, share their stories and debate.

I think it was I that started the first one because someone mentioned in a thread it may be a good idea to have a thread for Old Timers.

Think it is fine the way it is. 

[Nerissa]

On the university course I’m studying we have a weekly ‘group process for 1.5 hours.  12 students and a psychoanalytically trained group facilitator  who can interpret and guide where she feels it might be helpful.  meet and just talk about things that come up for them. Anything and everything came up over time and we have had previously untold stories of rape and abuse; death and loss, alcoholism, thoughts about studies; discussions about family issues ...just anything, big or trivial   and it became hugely meaningful.  One member with a psychiatric doctor for a spouse said she felt we knew more about her than he does.

I wasn’t quite sure I really understood its deeper  purpose and so I asked my own therapist who told me to watch what feelings and reactions arose in me in response to what was said by others and to think about why those feelings were there and why I reacted in the ways I did and what this all meant.  She also told me to try to see the responses I got from others so that I could think about how I am perceived.  It was illuminating.  It was especially illuminating when peers were open about these things with each other.  It could be tricky but we came to trust and support each other in incredibly intimate ways which included challenge.  We are social Creatures and we come to know ourselves In relation to others and we grow and heal in relationship with others

This forum provides a similar experience in some ways.  We learn a great deal of intimate things about each other and everyone in here is doing the best they can  for themselves and for others, I think and our honest and forthright opinions can be a valuable part of Mirror work if we use it that way.  We should be able to stand some challenge and to challenge others and when things trigger us, we know we probably have some thinking and learning to do. 

I usually rather like the more robust stuff because it is where I learn.

[Anjae]

What an interesting point of view, Nerissa. Thank you for sharing.

[Not Applicable]

I am going to make this brief because I said everything I wanted to say in the last thread but several people interpreted my post incorrectly and I want to clear it up. I never said or implied that every LBS's situation is equal (although I also think it is also subjective to argue over who has it worse or better). My point simply was it doesn't really matter one way or another. it shouldn't matter to us as individuals whether we have it better or worse than the next person or it is all equal even, because at the end of the day, when we leave the forum, each of us has to live with the hand we are dealt and nothing else.

Indeed, Anjae is correct in saying these are just facts, but when someone feels compelled to compare their facts with what they think they know about someone else's facts and draw subjective conclusions about their relative situations, it ceases to be about just facts and instead can become a competition in my opinion.

[Nas]

Indeed, Anjae is correct in saying these are just facts, but when someone feels compelled to compare their facts with what they think they know about someone else's facts and draw subjective conclusions about their relative situations, it ceases to be about just facts and instead can become a competition in my opinion.

I didn't see anyone comparing any situation to any other situation.  That's literally all I want to say. 

[forthetrees]

Caught up on the theme. It makes me think of the ACE (adverse childhood event) survey. It´s a checklist of stressors and depending on how many one checks off, it gives an indication of how likely emotional/mental health is affected. Even with that information, it is not a black and white diagnosis scenario because we all come with different levels of resilience, grit and coping strategies. Luckily there are now teachable strategies for increasing resilience- resilience training. Seems that you don´t know you need that until life throws you a curve ball that smacks you in the head.

In regards to the money, I would think that if a 1%er lost 90% of their money, the change in lifestyle would be similarly devastating to as to someone who lives pay check to pay check. It´s more that it is what we are adjusted to and what our expectations are than the actual wealth percentile- assuming that basic food and shelter needs are met. (I look at the situation of the refugees with nothing housed in substandard housing and see that I have it good from many angles.)

But... grief is grief, pain is pain and each person has a different ability in regards to being able to absorb and adapt to new crappy situations. That for me is why it´s not worth comparing. If you don´t know someone´s life trajectory and all of the mini and mega traumas they´ve experienced along the way, then you have no idea if what they are dealing with now is the "last straw" or no biggie. In the end, we´ve all experienced betrayal and the breaking of what was supposed to be a lifelong trust with thee one who had our backs. The consequences of broken trust reverberate for a long, long time.