Author Topic: My Story Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"  (Read 2838 times)

Offline MourningDoveTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« on: August 10, 2019, 06:40:40 PM »
I put my "Reassembling" away for the time being and some of the pieces have been put in that 3rd drawer. In many ways, I have been so focused on putting things back together and trying to make sense of what life keeps throwing my way - D changing schools, etc. I have to a certain degree lost a bit of my own focus.

Not making time or taking time for myself the way I should, etc. It has been a problem for me ever since the kids were little. I put myself at the bottom of the list. It is an easy trap to fall into, and when you have an Xh in MLC who is more of a hinderance than a coparent the pressure to be the stable parent sometimes takes over too much.

This morning I woke up after a very bizarre dream. There are parts I don't remember, but some I do and they make some sense and yet are confusing. I am not going to obsess on it, other than it was so vivid at times.

I was creating a dining room in my house. There were holes in the floorboards that seemed to not go to a basement, but to an endless pit. I was realizing I needed to fix the floor before I began doing any decorating. I stepped out of the room for a moment and Xh showed up and decided I needed to have his M's china set. (It wasn't the actual set she owned). I came back to find this room, that I had wanted to be a multipurpose/dining room that was more of an understated elegance, was instead covered with garish gold plates and a hutch full of gold decorated plates and saucers, gold flatware, gold trimmed cloth napkins and fake gilded flowers in the center. The table made Versailles look understated. Xh was insisting I needed to keep it this way.

I got pissed and took a walk and ended up in a city I didn't recognize, but every corner had a flat iron building and an Edward Hopper-esc diner on each street. The crosswalks were incredibly long and it was dusk, but there were no street lights. I started to cross the one crosswalk as there were no cars coming, and the sign said to go when a white delivery car sped through the intersection and I stopped, jumping back slightly as it blew past me. A woman was driving and it had out of state plates - ones I recognized - on it. I thought that meant I was in a different state, but all the other plates were different from that one, but clearly from the same state, although I am not sure which state.

I woke up and felt myself sitting there this morning wondering WTF that was about and what had I eaten or had to drink last night.

Then my cellphone pinged and it was my coworker. He wanted to say hello and told me to have a good day. He was with his kid today and I had to work. I didn't ask, nor did he about getting together any time soon. It was unusual though, as he doesn't often just text to check in.

I found myself in a bit of a strange mood and knowing it could go either way. I had to work this afternoon and I decided I needed to curtail any feelings of "meh" that were coming on. So, I went downstairs, attacked some of the chores I needed to do and S got up as I was in the midst of things. His friend came to pick him up and was watching me fly around and S said to stay out of my way, I was clearly beyond "seize the day" and in the "gonna kick the sh!t out of this day" mode. I had to laugh - it was probably accurate.

I went upstairs and tried to find something to put on for work. It was cooler out, so I opted for dark wash skinny jeans, a black sleeveless top and a cropped jacket which is very sedate, with the exception of gold zippers on the side. It is one of those jackets that people are always commenting on because it is a bit of a surprise. I decided on the only jewelry being a pair of gold hoops. I started to grab a pair of red shoes and then looked to see a box in the corner of the closet. In that box was a pair of shoes I inherited from a friend who bought them for an event, never, ever wore them and said they realized they were too high for them. I remember bringing them home and in the past Xh would have known I could pull them off. It was MLC time though and I was told all sorts of lovely things. I was not able to find my own strength to just wear them and have fun.

Today, I smiled and said I was no longer going to keep them in the box. So, my black stiletto heels with a leopard print and peep toe came out and I was out the door. S's friend on the way out to my car laughed and said I looked like I meant business.  S shook his head and just smiled and had a wager as to what music would be on when I started the car. Yah, he was right, it started with "Whiskey in the Jar" by Metallica. He laughed.

Yes, my business today was to keep myself from getting caught up in my own head. That was the truth.

I arrived at work and my intern laughed saying he never knows what to expect with me and it is a good surprise. We worked on Facebook posts most of the afternoon. He posted and I proofed them. We had a few customers and the afternoon was winding down. I went to put some paintings in our storage area and came back down stairs. I had already made the intern laugh when I was fixing the countertop by drilling new brackets, all while dressed up. It was just saw dust, no biggie.  ::)

I came back down the stairs and said that was it, I couldn't stand it any more and threw my stilettos in the corner, took off my jacket, pulled a hair tie out of my bag. As I started up the stairs, my intern started laughing hysterically and wanted to know what I was up to. I told him he would have to wait and see. He heard lots of rustling about and I came back down and said to go see. He came back down and said, he didn't realize we had a loft and shelving. Yah, I realized that too when I nearly tripped over a bunch of boxes and figured what has happened is people just throw things upstairs and we had a haphazard stack.

As I pulled myself together and put my outfit back to it's original state, out of his mouth came the words, "you are an enigma". I shook my head and said that has been a popular word this week. He laughed and said it was actually refreshing and he too is that way, so it made him feel comfortable knowing I am not a cookie cutter person. He has struggled for years and is becoming comfortable in being himself.

So, on my way home, I thought about it. Being an enigma.

I am not a mystery on purpose. It is not a "put up walls" to protect myself. I never actually thought too much about it growing up in terms of being this or that. I was who I was. It is only after MLC have I heard this from people, or at least maybe I am just paying more attention and aware of the comment.

I am open on the forum and maybe people "know" more about me. I don't fit in that perfect box. People have wanted to label me as one thing or another and I guess I just don't share everything with everyone. It is often because I have been in situations in my life, ie: a black tie event at a client's where discussing anything like being able to use a cut off wheel never came up. I don't hide it. I have different ways that I dress that confuse others as well. Some have tried to categorize it as artsy. LOL. Yah, I work in an art department, I know "artsy" - I am not artsy. I am more of a chameleon in that there are days I might show up in some very feminine dress and the next day I am wearing something completely on the opposite side of the wheel. I have my own sense of style and have always been that way.

It is my own sense of self. I had never questioned it up until MLC.

I am maybe just amused at this new "revelation" and it is not that I am trying to be mysterious. I think it is almost humorous now to hear that I surprise people.

My coworker, when I mentioned it last night, he laughed and I am full of surprises and that is refreshing.

I guess I need to keep embracing being who I am - and I need to get back to allowing time for that person.  :)

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10932.150
« Last Edit: August 10, 2019, 06:42:32 PM by MourningDove »

Offline MourningDoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2019, 09:37:23 AM »
The original plan was that I was going to make dinner for S, his one friend and S's GF last night. But, they changed plans on me and S felt bad. I was not upset and assured him it was not a big deal, as it was a loose ended thing when we discussed it.

S and his friends went to a tractor & truck pull last night instead. It is one of the bigger events of this type in the area and last night it must have been tough for hard core country fans to decide because there were 2 concert venues nearby offering country music. I know when I left the gallery the traffic was very heavy and I laughed at the number of trucks in this city. It is not a city normally known for trucks on lift kits, etc, as the summer tourism is most often higher end SUVs and convertibles. And, of course there are those who go to the country music shows that look more like the "Electric Cowboy" and are trying to fit in. If nothing else, it is often fun to just go people watch.

I was tempted to go to one of the concerts, but decided against it as I was in no mood for tons of people.

S came home very late and had a smile on his face. They had so much fun and I was glad to see him in a good mood. Earlier in the day he was in a bit of a rut and I found out from his friend what was bothering S a bit. His friend said S acted like he was excited about it, but underneath the excitement, his friend said he couldn't help but notice there was something more.

Xh was very excited to share with S that his MG was accepted into a special parade S and Xh always went to. It is a judged event and you have to make the first cut to even be considered to participate. So, Xh's car is of that caliber. That doesn't surprise me and it shows he actually finished something. I guess that is progress  ::)

The problems I see with this are multi-faceted. First of all we have the fact that Xh did this without S, and had promised to work on it together many years ago and while Xh was living here, before MLC really took hold, that was true. That didn't happen.

Now Xh is driving it around and beeping as he passes the house, but doesn't stop to see what S is working on. Nor has he offered to help S restore his MG. Not that it is a priority, but that was part of the deal and the original plan was they would try to get them done to ride in the parade together.

To add to this both S and Xh always went to this event together. Two years ago, Xh "ran into" OW, so S was with the 2 of them most of the day. This year S won't be able to go because he has college classes on the day of the parade and them semester will have just started.

In a normal situation, that would simply be one of those times where as a parent you could say "that is how things go sometimes". However, this is a more delicate thing. This is not about the parade or event, it goes much deeper.

It is in those moments where I just shake my head and go WTF?

I have to wonder if any of this enters Xh's mind. Or will he be proud as a peacock and so self absorbed at this event that he won't even give it a thought. In some ways, I hope it hits him hard as he is driving in this event - by himself. Not to punish him but to somehow slap him hard enough to realize the pain he is causing his kids.

The reality is though, I know even if he does "see it" he will continue to avoid facing that pain and will put on the good facade in public.

For me, it is an exercise in trying to realize I may be rather indifferent at times, but the kids are still feeling the effects of MLC more than I am.

This morning I was thinking I would like in many ways to not ever have to see Xh again at this point, only because right now he just brings aggravation to my life. It would be easier for me to move away from the MLC madness.

I have to remind myself that the kids are going to have to learn on their own what boundaries to put in place and if this keeps up, how to detach from the crisis version of their F. It is not easy to bite my tongue.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2019, 10:08:47 AM »
Attaching as always, Mourning.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline MourningDoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2019, 12:11:52 PM »
I had the dog for this morning for a couple of short walks, but that clearly did not meet her expectations. She filed her complaints with me and I just returned from a longer walk. It was enjoyable, but I was mildly annoyed it disrupted the project I finally found motivation to do.

I realized this is part of what people find confusing about me at times. I attack projects at work and other places, but behind closed doors I have moments of procrastinating, especially now that MLC ran me aground for awhile. I find the MLC projects Xh left behind often take extra energy to tackle. And it is not even so much a trigger as I have to fight that bit of aggravation and questioning "why, just why" did he do these things, as pre MLC he never would have put a piece of styrofoam and screwed it into the wall to keep the pocket door from coming off it's track. It is not seen by anyone else, but it makes no sense and when I discover these little things, I have to overcome the feeling of "great, more stupid things that need fixed".

Once I accomplish them, they remove the annoyance and make the house more "mine".

I think the dream about the holes in the floor are in many ways about these stupid little things I keep finding. S is finding them as well. Some we laugh at. It is tough when Xh used to be so picky about finish work. But now, I could easily say that most of the projects Xh took on in MLC remain anywhere from 50-80% complete because they are just not done, or he did some stupid fix.

I stopped by my parent's house. My M asked me a question that had to do with D on vacation. D was very open about Xh and her issues. The overall context is not important but when my M said to me "why do you suppose he does that"? I gave the answer that I have often quit speculating. My M is a fixer. I never was a fixer, but I have said it before, I did enable later in the relationship. I told my M that it is not that I don't care. It is not bitterness, but my own self preservation at this point to push those thoughts out of my mind as much as possible. I post about them, as a way to release them from my thoughts, because in all honesty, any interaction with Xh makes me say over and over "what was he thinking" or "what is it going to take".

My M could see I didn't want to talk about it. I told her I understood she is still maybe grappling with this, as she is just now seeing it clearer, but I would like to be able to move forward with my life and not continually ask myself "why" in regards to Xh. My M finally said she sees now that I am not wrong in being able to see clearly that Xh is in fact following the path his F took.

My M said she thinks it will take a miracle for Xh to come to his senses. I answered it will take that and a lot of hard work. I said if I ever see that happen I will be the first to drop to my knees and say "Hallelujah". And it is only for my kids' sake and perhaps Xh's sake, because maybe then the madness can stop.

I walked home and thought about part of my desire for more distance. I can forgive and have, but the forgetting is much tougher. In the early days of monster, pre joining HS, I was mentally beaten down. Being an "enigma" was now a bad thing. The very reasons Xh loved me were all wrong. He compared me to OW, even before starting a PA with her. Nothing I did was good enough. I was told what I would become. What I was not. What I was.

Some of the criticisms were not without merit, as I am human and have flaws. But, in the past he would have called most quirks or embraced those aspects. This level of criticism was not like "hey, I wish you wouldn't do that" or normal complaints people have when they have been together. These cut to the core. I twisted myself up into knots trying to appease the monster, until I didn't know who I was.

The longer he has been in this "state" of MLC, I just don't see how I could ever trust him. I have a large amount of faith in people, but the truth is even if he were to start showing me with actions, that level of trust is so shredded to bits, like it has been put through a wood chipper. My own sense of self was destroyed by allowing myself to become a victim of his MLC that I cannot go down that path again. Call it fear. Call it whatever you want.

The more I realize how hard it was for me to become okay with being who I am again the less I want to do with Xh. I will always love the man who was, and I don't regret so many of those years.

This "enigma" is in a much better place and maybe some day another will embrace having someone who confuses the hell out of some people - LOL

Offline MourningDoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2019, 05:00:57 PM »
Before BD #1, when I thought we were just "going through a rough patch" and I was convinced I couldn't do anything right and questioning everything about myself Xh and I were invited to a dinner.

The neighbors directly east of us had 4 boys. I babysat all 4 of them at one point when I was in high school. It has been funny thinking back because first of all when that couple first moved in, they swore they didn't want kids. They ended up being very good parents and the oldest of the 2 boys were really only about 10 years younger than I was, but when you are 16, and the oldest was 10 it seemed like a huge age difference. So, it is always funny when someone asks me how I know one of the guys now.

The second oldest was always my favorite. He had a gleam in his eye and was so curious about things. He wanted to know everything about my F's work. He was always smiling. Health problems plagued him in his 20s and yet, he always had a smile on his face. Now nearly 40, he is a F to 3 daughters. One who is S's age and the other 2 are in 2nd grade and kindergarten. He is a phenomenal F. I see him most often at his job as a chef.

The other boys all have kids and the neighbor lady watches all of the grandchildren during the week. She clearly loves being retired and a grandma.

The second oldest used to come over with his W and kids and they would visit often. Xh and he built a spectacular farm table out of barn timbers. It is a huge table, over 6 ft in length and to thank Xh, this guy invited us for dinner. He and his W were renovating an old farm house.

It was a lovely dinner and yet, I recall that on the way home there was a sinking feeling in my stomach. It would be about a month later that BD #1 came.

I see the families often outside and when I am walking the dog, the kids come running, often shrieking in delight wanting to pet my very eager dog. My dog has never been one to turn down attention. She doesn't know her own strength, so she will practically pull me over if I am not prepared.

Tonight, I stopped and we talked about the divorce a bit. He showed me pictures of their current kitchen renovation and I saw the table had been moved to the kitchen area. I was glad it was being loved and the girls now do their homework while the parents cook meals.

I noticed the second grader had her nose in a book. I asked her and she proudly said she loves to read. I told them I would be back and brought a stack of books that D had cleaned out recently. I have a slew of things that both kids have been sorting through and have been ready to donate them, but this was far better. The twinkle that her F has in is the second grader's eyes as well. She is a carbon copy of him.

When I had returned with the books, I had also been smart enough to bring biscuits with me and each kid got to make the dog do her routine. She sat and let them shake her paw among her other little entertaining antics. The kids were having such a good time. And the dog was clearly loving the biscuits. I don't think the dog realized I had broken them into small pieces and it really wasn't any more than she usually gets.  ::)

I walked home feeling a sense of calm and perhaps a desire to attack some of the projects plaguing me. What helped was the guy telling me they had a leak in their ceiling and discovered the problem. It required pulling down the ceiling. But as they pulled the ceiling down, they found not one layer, but 5 layers of ceiling and the wiring was wrong.

I decided maybe I need to reset my brain at times, perhaps fooling myself and seeing these things as if I had bought the house myself and am a new owner. I need to try and let go of the frustrations of the MLC projects. It doesn't mean there won't be grumbling, but maybe I can somehow make it easier to release the frustration if I remind myself that I did in fact buy the house on my own now. It is mine and all the problems that go with it left from the previous owners in part - albeit it was Xh and myself - LOL.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2019, 05:05:51 AM »
One thing at a time now......



Quote from: MourningDove
I have to wonder if any of this enters Xh's mind. Or will he be proud as a peacock and so self absorbed at this event that he won't even give it a thought. In some ways, I hope it hits him hard as he is driving in this event - by himself. Not to punish him but to somehow slap him hard enough to realize the pain he is causing his kids.

My money is going on

because, for him to realize how his actions are affecting his kids, he would have to focus somewhere else than on himself and since it is all about "ME ME ME ME ME!" at the moment, he simply can't/won't see/acknowledge it to himself...


Quote from: MourningDove
My M said she thinks it will take a miracle for Xh to come to his senses. I answered it will take that and a lot of hard work.
And maybe a 2x4 upside his head.....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline MourningDoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2019, 09:28:51 AM »
UrsaMajor - Well, if "Mona" says so  ::) LOL  Should have known you would find an enigma giphy. Hahaha

Well, for whatever reason I was wide awake very late. I found myself up until 1:30 am and spent a bit of time chatting with my friend abroad, who scolded me for still being up.

I can't attribute the sleeplessness to anything in particular.

S and his friend insisted they were going to install my dishwasher for me and I was to just sit back and relax while this happened. Of course, like any project it became a bit of a bigger job, but it is in and now I have to put in additional moulding around the sides of the cabinet. It is maybe a good thing, as it will push me to do a mini-renovation on my kitchen.

I love the kitchen, but it is overdue for some just basic maintenance. I need to reseal the African slate flooring and the windows need to be replaced. The house had all new windows, but the kitchen was on the list before MLC for replacements.

I have been making an "attack list" for projects this fall. The windows, with some help from S or possibly the neighbor kid are a project I can tackle. They are on the lower part of the house and because of the deck, they are easier to manage.

I woke up feeling refreshed even with the late night. The sun is out. The water was boiling for my coffee and I went out on the back deck to see if the pond needed any topping off. I had trimmed the peach tree, which last year bore 3 peaches and I noticed the darn thing is loaded with peaches this year. They are rather small, maybe double the size of an apricot, but they are definitely peaches. I had to laugh because Xh was going to cut it down at one point because he was convinced it was never going to bare fruit. The nursery said that it sometimes takes time and the kids and I convinced Xh that even if it never bore fruit it was a lovely little tree. The kids are going to be happy to see those little peaches.

I have missed having a garden, but I am not able to manage the flower gardens and such on my own as of yet. I have to be gentle with myself on that front. I keep reminding myself that I have had a lot going on with trying to get D back on track, etc. that I am only one person.

It is tough at times because I know my grandmother managed a farmhouse on her own well into her 80s. The woman who lived her prior to us purchasing it kept things neat as a pin and she was 96. I can still remember her going out in the fall clearing the orchard. But, I have to also remind myself that I am not just managing the house. I am rebuilding so many parts of my life while trying to stabilize other parts.

This morning the confirmation came in that I am going to have that second class at the college in addition to my other courses, which will be an easy one for me to add. It is going to add an additional prep, but I have taught this class for years, so it is a bit easier and will allow me to be able to experiment some if I so choose because of my comfort with this class.

That has made the stress lift some and enough for me to see possibilities this morning. I spotted my small "garden" I had to have - one I could manage. It is a grouping of plants potted on my deck. It is not exactly the sprawling garden we used to plant, but it is something. I had a fresh tomato that had ripened finally and some fresh basil and I made an omelet this morning.

I am coming upon the second year of being officially divorced and it hits exactly on my first and second BDs - if nothing else, my Xh was very consistent in his timing, as he dropped both BDs on the first day of school. Ironically, my divorce was finalized on that day as well 2 years ago. When that happened, I remember sort of laughing thinking how the universe was clearly finding some humor in that day that I didn't. It came and went last year with little thought. This year, I don't anticipate any big events, other than the parade Xh is in will be that date this year.

As for my own feelings on it, it is simply a day on the calendar. I will not forget it easily as it correlates with the start of school, but even this morning I had to stop and think about how many years it has been. In reality, the divorce was just the formal end of the marriage. This had been going on so long, I have been "alone" for much longer, even when Xh was living at home.

I thought about when the last "loving contact" we had, which in reality was an extended "touch and go" was nearly 4 years ago. So much has happened since then and I often stop and recall a time when I thought I would never get over the pain, as it seemed impossible to see a life without Xh.

This morning, I can't imaging going back to a life with that much pain. There are too many moments to enjoy in life to be and be grateful for - something my Xh can't seem to see.

Offline MourningDoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2019, 12:36:47 PM »
I am having a good laugh at this insanity. It would have been something that would have pushed me over the edge while in the thick of MLC and on days where I am ready to crawl back in bed and hide from the day. But, somehow I am just laughing at it.

I had taken today off to tackle a whole slew of things that need to be addressed. A day, I had resigned myself to knowing it would result in probably a headache of sorts from staring at the computer or from being on the phone.

The first was not on my list, but I wanted to check my bank account. Hmmm. Good thing I did. I found a series of "new and different" charges that are not mine, nor either of the kids. Not huge amounts, but little nibbles it would seem. Uh huh, Well that prompted me to call the bank. Looks like someone is trying to test my card out. I had to laugh because right now, good luck - there is not much to take - LOL. I don't put all of my money in one place anyways. So lock down that card. Stupid. But, glad I caught it when I did. I am getting my 4 miscellaneous charges back, each odd less than $5 amounts. But, of course that also means I had to make calls to those places that are on automatic payments.

It is a Monday. LOL

I have a list going and I was feeling good as I checked off each part of my list. That is until the phone rang and I had to add another "need to deal with immediately" events. This has been going on all afternoon - this pattern. LMAO

But, I am rolling with it. I got D's health insurance transferred over to my policy. I was doing it online and gave up when the site started to act up. I decided to just call a representative. Remarkably, I got through immediately. Done in 15 minutes.

While I was on hold for another task, I filled in all of my calendar dates for school that I know of. Days off, professional days, etc. I have a couple of surprise days off from the high school and because I don't teach until Tuesdays now at the college, I am going to be able to take a couple of long weekends, perhaps, after getting out of my Friday classes. I can flex the galleries and the millwork.

The numbers for my fall classes look good in the overall. Strangely, the computer class at the high school level is small, which will be perfect. I had 45 students last year for that course. This year they split into different areas and my design class, which is hands on is the popular choice with about 20. A bit more than I would like, but manageable. My computer class has 7 at the moment. That is actually a fantastic number as that course is much more complex with students having their own laptops. At the college it is easier, as I am in a lab situation and the lab has a full time tech. I am it when it comes to the tech issues during class for the high school. So, it has been a problem in the past, or at least at times a headache when tech problems suck up instruction time.

I am apprehensive to say it looks like things are actually shaping up to be a really good year, because I might jinx it - LOL.

But, the schedule I am looking at and the number of students is bringing me a sense of calm. It is manageable and a really good schedule. My Wednesdays will be mine if I plan it right without compromising my financial aspects. I am almost afraid to say this is definitive, because I keep feeling like I am missing something. LOL

D invited me to come for dinner while she is house sitting. She is so proud of herself, as she had gone grocery shopping and has a meal plan for her time alone. This experience is proving to be a good break for her.

This morning I realized that the cat that used to be Xh's has started a new thing. She was traumatized when he left and we have had problems with her digging the furniture and other problems. The kids did not want to get rid of her, nor could I see doing that, as she had been a part of the family for a very long time. During MLC, in the summers, she always wanted to go out at night, then would crawl on the roof to meow into the air conditioner, making a horrible noise. If you kept her in, she would push things off the counters and surfaces until you let her out at 2 am. This has stopped all of a sudden. She has been relaxed and seeks me out now.

This morning I realized I haven't had to play those games with her this summer as far as going out or coming in. She has been going out during the evening, but coming in when she sees the lights going out. She races to the back door to come in and makes a beeline for my bed. She parks herself at my feet and lately I find her by morning lying right next to my side. She will lay there until I get up. It is a huge change for her. She was Xh's cat, there was no doubt. I guess I have become her human. I am not sure how the dog feels about this - LOL

Offline MourningDoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2019, 07:08:29 PM »
I drove up to see D at my colleague's house. D had made a really nice dinner and is enjoying her time house sitting. The neighborhood is very quiet, but the neighbors are very friendly and helpful. My colleague had said they would look out for D and so far that is in fact the case.

D made stir-fry for dinner and she shared with me some guy from high school she hasn't seen in over a year, a guy she was nice to, but never friended on FaceBook, or any other social media, sent her a d!ck pic today. She was mortified and said he sent it via SnapChat and quickly blocked her or whatever. She is not scared, and wonders if he meant to send it to someone else, but she said it seems rather suspect. I told her if it happens again then it should be dealt with.

Her boyfriend is aware of the situation and he is not pleased, nor is S or D's other male friend, who is like a B to her. He was visiting our house the other day and is leaving for college -- moving out of state. D joked she has no shortage of protective men in her life and she was sure BIL, if he found out would send out troops to hunt this kid down if anything more comes of it. I laughed and said that was probably true.

I was worried it would rattle her and I told her to turn off any location pings. She laughed and said the only people she allows access to her location are her boyfriend, S and myself.

I asked if she was okay. She laughed and said she is in a house that is heavily alarmed because my colleague's H runs a business out of half of the house and the dog is very protective. She was sleeping well at night and is sure she will be fine. I think she will be too, but I worried about her anxiety.

I drove home taking backroads, as I had taken the toll road on the way up. It was a truly pleasant drive home.

The dog was aching to go for a walk. I gave in, in spite of the sun having already set. It was both a relaxing, yet could have been an unsettling walk. The moon is almost full, so there was a brighter sky, but the corn is insanely tall and throwing very dark shadows across the road. With the corn rustling in the gentle breeze it is easy to see why this type of scene is used in horror films. It was a bit ominous. LOL. But, the crickets were chirping away. Had it gone silent, I might have been nervous -  ::)

As I walked down our driveway, I noticed in the garage window a giant sunflower. S's GF was sitting in the garage and spending time reading, while S worked on a truck tailgate. We talked for some time. I found out S is wanting to work on a sculpture and cast it in bronze. (I have been saying all along the more artistic side of him is going to come out at some point). He was proud to announce he had sold the older dishwasher, which still works. He said he didn't ask much but figured someone would use it. The gentleman that bought it was thrilled.

And then I asked about the sunflower. S's GF smiled and said he came home and told her they were going for a ride. He took her to the sunflower fields nearby and he found her the biggest bloom he could find and cut it for her. He smiled as she was telling me the story and said he remembered from having been on the hayrides a couple of years ago, that you never break them off, but they are supposed to be cut, per the farmers.

S is a romantic underneath it all and it was such a simple thing. I am grateful that this young woman seems to appreciate his seemingly small gestures.  :)

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2019, 12:57:50 AM »
Having been the recipient also of an unintended d!ck pic once (easier to do than people might think if you hit the wrong person in your contacts list but still.... EWWWWWWWW!) I'm guessing that, based on the reaction of immediately deleting the contact, etc., the sender was probably thoroughly mortified (as well he should be!)....  Every year, in the various parent's council (PTA-like) meetings, the subject of "sexting" is brought up with an admonition to the parents to take a look occasionally at the kids' phones...

But still....



The story of the sunflower is one though that just proves that there is still good in the world....



Your Monday sounds a lot better than mine... At least you were able to get a few things done off your list.... Good for you!
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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