Author Topic: My Story Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"  (Read 741 times)

Offline MourningDoveTopic starter

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My Story Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #20 on: August 15, 2019, 08:33:51 PM »
stillbaffled - I am not sure it will accommodate a combine, but he is talking about something that is 30'x40' and just storage. No frills. I have no problem with that, as I have the space and it will add equity to the property. And, it might mean I could actually fit my car in the garage that is attached to the house in the winter - LOL.

UrsaMajor - okay - I am jealous. LOL.  ;D

So today was, well…a day. Blame it on the full moon? IDK.

I had to pick D up first thing this morning to take her to the college where I work so we could move forward on that transition. I was where she was staying by 8 am. It meant I was up and out of the house by 7:30 am and we hit the ground running. We were at the college for about 2 hours, and had to schedule another visit next week to solidify things. D was in hyper organize mode and I couldn't handle it this morning. As we waited in line, she started rattling off things that are coming up next week, thing she needs to do and I told her to stop. I cannot process things the way I used to after MLC. When I am focused on certain aspects, like getting through the line and focusing on the steps that needed to happen at that moment, I couldn't deal with "oh, remember, I need to go to the Dr on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, this, Thursday, that…" She was just talking, and I was on sudden overload. I told her to make a list and we would discuss it, but I was not capable of it at that moment.

She finally understood what I needed.

I had to be at work at the one gallery to set up a show by 11 and would be there until 6. We had a huge show coming in and we had prep work, etc to do to get ready just for the install. It was a good time, as I worked with one of my colleagues and the intern. We took a brief break for lunch and then it was back to work. We accomplished so much, which felt good.

By 4, I decided to go pick up a coffee and my phone pinged. It was Xh. He wanted to let me know that he "threw the check in the entryway to my house on the floor". Ah, okay - that is a new one. I said fine, but was a bit annoyed, considering we have 2 different shelves and a small cabinet he could have put it in instead. How about set it on the chairs I have in the entry? Put it in the mailbox like in the past? Or, clip it to the door, as I have a little clip where I leave payments for the propane delivery person. Xh knows these things. In the past he has left it in the mailbox or clipped it to that little area. It was odd.

I was meeting D for dinner and then had to go pick up things for the gallery that I need to deliver tomorrow.As I was on my way to meet D, who was cooking dinner, I got a call from my millwork supervisor. She had a few questions to run by me, as she knows I have taken a couple of days off next week to deal with some things before school starts. It will be another full day tomorrow.

As we were eating dinner D mentioned she had heard from her F. I said "oh"?. She heard from him on her birthday last week after he was ticked at her and said to her on her birthday "have a nice day". She responded but she said he didn't text back. But, today's text she said was really odd. He simply texted "wow". She said she has no idea what that means at all. Beats me.

I left to go run my errands when S called me. He hurt his back and needs to get into a doctor. And his knee is still bugging him. He goes back to school next weekend. I asked him if he was home. He was. I asked him to pick up the check off of the floor. He said his friend had taken car of that and put it in the kitchen on the counter for me. And then it came out - S was laughing about it saying how completely ridiculous.

I am not laughing about it. I should be as in reality it is amusing, but I was at my tipping point. I focused on my errands and then after loading up the car, I turned on the ignition, but just found myself sitting in the car, crying. WTF??

The young man who was here from out of state had been here all day yesterday and they worked on his truck. He was trying to get it fixed before this weekend, as he needs to be back to work. He was a huge help to S yesterday and was nothing but polite and thoughtful. S's friend has known him for years, and I trust that particular friend of S's completely. So, when this poor guy was needing to pick up parts and kept working on his truck I said to S that I was okay with this kid working in the garage. I also told S to leave the door unlocked and the kid could shower and such if need be. S had to work and was home at lunchtime.

I came home and found out that the young man did shower and took care of the dog all day long. He took her for a couple of walks and he thanked me again for being so hospitable. S told me that he was very appreciative and he could see why S's friend says I am like a M to all of the kids that show up. They know the rules and abide by them.

Well, what had occurred it would seem is Xh showed up right as the kid had finished showering. He was dressed, but his hair was wet and he was getting the leash to walk the dog. S said he introduced himself to Xh, but didn't specify who he was visiting. Simply said his name and shook Xh's hand. S mentioned this little transaction because he asked the kid what happened. The kid said after Xh left he picked up the envelope and put it on my kitchen counter.

So, it would seem, Xh has decided I have a new, young boyfriend. S was amused at the idea, as I am not out carousing around and I may joke with the guys in the garage, but I am the same woman who will come out and yell at them for doing stupid things. It is pretty clear, I have no attraction to any of S's friends.

My friend told me she thought it was funny. And it really is in many ways. Because it is ridiculous. And even if it were true, what business is it of Xh's?

What is not setting well with me and what really stung was I never looked at another man when I was married. At least not in a sexual manner. I was faithful for all of our marriage and only had eyes for Xh.

I worked through the MLC accusations months ago where Xh projected and accused me of 2 affairs. I laughed off the post divorce accusations which have been beyond comical. So why tonight?

It was really bugging me being accused again of something that is so counter my nature. I would not date a guy that young - one that is the same age as my S. It wouldn't even enter my mind. And the kids joke about the age threshold they set for me, but I know that if I were to suddenly bring home a 20 something year old, they would in fact have a hard time with it.

I think it is the idea of more character assassination that I don't deserve. I will shake it off, but it really stung. It shouldn't, as again, as other's have pointed out, it is not Xh's business and I have nothing to feel guilty about. I still hold myself to my own standards and moral compass. I have not changed in that regards.

After a good cry, I came home and S and his friends were working away. The first thing they all did when I pulled up was they grabbed keys and jockeyed their cars around, full well knowing that I get at least one spot in the driveway. It made me laugh.  :)

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2019, 01:45:15 AM »
"Earth to xH! Earth to xH!  Important News incoming!"



Now go away....

Maybe that moat needs to be equipped with a guillotine so the next time he pokes his head in...


And yeah, somehow I'm not picking up that Epstein vibe from you..... I'm sure that the Velociraptors would NOT be kind if you were to be walking around with some BoyToy on your arm  ::) .... Sounds more like a bit of Projection to me....

The BIGGEST question is though.... How did he fill out the check? Red Ink? For an odd amount? To whose name?
Me - 56
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Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
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BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #22 on: August 16, 2019, 03:39:40 AM »
I was wondering the same thing.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Treasur

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #23 on: August 16, 2019, 04:23:17 AM »
There are lots of things you could do to metaphorically build a bigger moat of course but you know that. I guess when I have had similar big emotional moments when my head knows that it is a piece of nonsense or that I 'shouldn't' be bothered by it...and yet somehow I am...a little bit of quiet digging normally turns up the Hurt behind the hurt if that makes sense. A missing bit of healing work that needs a bit of attention, a bit like a cobweb in a corner of a clean room I missed. Do you know what the feeling was really about, Mourning, as it stung so much?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

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Offline MourningDoveTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2019, 02:26:09 PM »
UrsaMajor - Hmmm, a guillotine might be a bit extreme - LOL.

For many years, my F owned horses. I can remember him telling me not to touch the electric fence, but when I was about 4, I went to feed the one horse a carrot and grabbed onto one of the wires. Yah, that is a feeling you never forget - LOL. So, I am thinking an electric fence might be the way to go. Maybe after a couple of jolts he will get the message.  ::)

Someone asked me how Xh got in the house anyways. The door was unlocked and the inner door was open. I often leave the screen door open in the summer when someone is home. The kid visiting S was in the house, getting ready to take the dog out, so the inner door to the entryway was open. But to put the envelope on the floor? It made no sense in terms of logic. While I believe his issue with my name on the check is not a game he plays, this was a definite message to me.

So, to answer the question, Thunder and UrsaMajor, as always Xh provided a bit of entertainment and insight into the messed up mind of a MLCer in the tunnel.  ::) No name on the envelope, but a footprint from the dog was on it.  ::) I am not entirely sure what the scribble on top was in the area where my name should be. The ladies at the bank were able to make out the first initial of my name, the middle initial and last initial, as they looked capitalized. They shook their head and said nothing, but full well knew this is a constant issue. The name was all just smooshed together. His signature is still bizarre. But the new development was that it would seem I now am a business expense. Dumba$$ wrote it on his corporate account. I took my usual photo evidence and filed it away. I don't think his accountant will like this, but not my problem. I know from doing his books years ago, (and I am not an accountant) that this is a stupid idea. It makes life much more complicated come tax time. Oh wait, I am not even sure he is filing taxes anymore - LOL. Oh well, the check went through.

Treasur - Hurt behind the hurt makes complete sense. I think I can compare it to when I have gotten a thorn or splinter, remove what I perceive is all of it and it heals over. Then later a pain arises and I discover that there is still a small fragment lodged deeper. This was that type of sting.

I can attribute it to several things going on in RL that have me emotionally stretched, combined with things that are out of my control right now. Nothing epic, just little things in life, pushing down on me all at once.

And the truth is, the envelope on the floor really bothered me. The added implication of me somehow cavorting with this young man did not help. It took me some time to figure out why these things pushed me over the edge.

Part of being an enigma is being okay with that "title". Not for any other reason than to find that sense of confidence and comfort in my own skin. I have done a good job, after a great deal of introspection and hard work to find that inner strength. I am keenly aware of my flaws, the places I can improve. I am okay with my path and knowing I am still sometimes clawing my way back.

The character assassination has been easier to shake off and laugh off most of the time. But the check on the floor combined with those accusations was too much. It brought back a memory of when Xh was angry with me after BD. Hahaha, come to think of it, when was he not mad at me during that time? At any rate, he was deep in his PA and spending money like crazy. We needed something for the kids and I had just paid all of the bills from what was now "our money" aka - all of the money I was bringing in. There was no more to be had and he took a wad of cash out of his money clip and threw it at me. With it came the accusation that I was sleeping with my friend - a rumor he and OW were more than happy to spread around. One that was so incredibly ridiculous that anyone who knew me well would see the humor in that statement. But, I remember thinking at the time, I had somehow done something wrong on both fronts. I must have been careless the money that month. I should have done this or that differently. All of it was part of the projection game and yet Xh would weave in some little shred of truth, as miniscule as perhaps "you threw away a tomato and wasted money". It would set me to question everything. The gaslighting, looking back was so easy to fall victim to.

It was just enough yesterday to make me say I had enough.

I was awake quite late. Not able to turn my brain off, mulling it over. I finally fell asleep around 1. My phone pinged at 3:30 am. I rolled over and there was a message from my coworker. WTF? It was a smiley face and "hey". I didn't answer it until later this morning when I was with D at PT. I asked him what that was about. He said he had a dream and was wide awake and knows I keep odd hours. He just was thinking about me. UH??? Okay. But, he made me relax a bit when we talked. He quit his second job and it is a bit tight financially, but he wanted me to know I was right. I told him that he was going to burn out and miss out on some important things with his S if he didn't slow down. He said the last couple of weekends with his S have been pure joy and they have just been spending time reading and doing simple things. He wanted to know how I got so smart. I laughed and reminded him I have a bit more experience in that arena.  ::)

I am feeling a sense of some confusion right now and there are so many unknowns at the moment. Loose ends. Unanswered questions. I know most of them will be answered soon enough. I cannot let the fear of the unknown hang me up.

I have to work part of tomorrow, but I am really tempted to go somewhere on Sunday and clear my head. I need a mental break before more insanity hits.

Offline MourningDoveTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #25 on: August 17, 2019, 09:01:28 AM »
Last night, I was in bed fairly early. I was tired from the night before and the lack of sleep.

Thursday had been a very physically demanding day, setting up the show. I laugh when people will come into a gallery and make comments that make you realize how easy they think setting up a show is. A lot of thought goes into a good show. And when you are dealing with sculpture in particular it is really a workout. My intern went to move one piece and I started to laugh. He stopped and gave me a look of confusion because it is a relatively small piece. It was built to withstand outside elements and people sitting on it, etc, so it weighs easily 400 lbs. I told him it was not going anywhere easily. There were at least 15 pieces of sculpture that had to be moved and set up among the other work. Add repainting massive walls, bases and other tasks, it was a full day. So, by Thursday night, I was physically worn out. But, a good worn out.

And yesterday was a busy day at the other gallery. We had steady traffic flow and the day went by quickly.

I came home and S was on his way to his friend's father's farm for the evening to help repair a piece of equipment. I handed S money and said to buy pizza for all of them. S tried to argue with me and I joked with him that it was cheaper than me going out to a hotel to get some solitude. He laughed. He said he realized I have been pretty patient with all of the additional bodies around as of late. He gave me a hug and told me I was the best. I told him he needed to leave before I started crying - LOL.

I spent some time talking to a friend. He is always a good one to kick my a$$ and push some hard questions when I need them. But he is also good for a laugh. We talked about my coworker a bit. The fact is, my coworker is a good friend and I do trust him. Yes, having a man who likes spending time with me is nice. His attention can ride the line of being intoxicating for me when I am feeling less than, but it is also incredibly confusing. It is that nice to have companionship, but I crave something different. My friend has pushed me a couple of times as of late.

It goes back to compartmentalizing for me. I am not sure I can keep compartmentalizing my life like this in the long term.

My coworker is fun. He is trustworthy. We have some deep conversations, but they lack true depth. If I remain compartmentalized, that would all be good. But, I don't really operate that way.

It is a strange place to be.

Most people have told me that I am lucky to have this younger man interested in me. And if I were to tell them it is a bit lost on me, they would think I am a nut. It is not his age. It is in part life experience. It is that he is usually in one speed zone. He is full of energy most of the time.

I love chocolate, but I couldn't eat it morning, noon and night. My coworker can be a bit like having too much chocolate - LOL

And, the reality is this is really not about him. I am in a weird place right now.

S leaves for college next weekend. D is here, but she is with her boyfriend so much, I don't see her all that often. I am coming up on changes again, after having just gotten used to them being home. The changes are a bit jarring at times.

Last night's full night of sleep helped immensely with my own mental state. I was frazzled the other night.

I am back off to the gallery for a few hours to finish off price lists and the little tasks. It should be quiet.

Tomorrow is looking like my plans to go on a hike are going to be dashed. The weather forecast changed rapidly and it is looking like some severe storms are rolling through. That said, I am not beyond going to the lakes and watching a storm roll in. Hmmmm.  ::)

Offline MourningDoveTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #26 on: August 17, 2019, 07:56:52 PM »
I am just worn out tonight.

My intern was done with his internship on Friday, but had offered to come in. He was invited to go away for a few days, and I told him he should go, since he has worked almost every weekend this summer.

My colleague was packing up her house, as she is moving starting next week. She too offered to come in, and help, but I told her she should not be stressing out.

It stormed all day and I had 2 customers who came in, but the afternoon was quiet in terms of traffic. I was actually grateful for the solitude. I focused on getting the price lists and other materials ready for this big event coming up. I set up new templates and things were falling into place.

I had dinner with my parents and spent about an hour with them. I had shown my M the check yesterday before depositing it. It came on the heels of my M still struggling to "understand" what is going on with Xh and at times probably thinking I am somehow exaggerating this nonsense, which she knows is not like me, but let's face it, MLCers do things that are unbelievable to us. For those who don't witness it, it seems impossible. Well the check must have made an impression, because then M asked about the others. I pulled up my photos I have archived of each check and showed my M. These are things I haven't shared. There is no reason to do that. But, my M was stunned. She was shocked the bank has even cashed 90% of them based on his crazy writing. But, as she said, they know him and know me, as we banked there for years.

I was going to go home and I had an invite from my coworker to go out. I declined, telling him I was way too tired. It wasn't a lie, but I am honestly keeping my distance. My emotions have been too "all over the place" and I need to shake those out before I step into a potential situation that might just really confuse me more. I am not used to being like this, as I was never like this pre MLC. And admitting that somehow makes me sound like I am a hot mess - I am not. I am just not used to being on occasion unsure of my actions, my feelings, etc.

I have found that those little residual triggers sometimes creep in and I have to fight them. They aren't nearly as bad as they once were, but if other things in life are stressful, I sometimes have a harder time with the triggers. I used to be able to shut off those things - compartmentalize and multi task more in the past. I would deal with the emotions, but I could set them aside and focus. It doesn't come as easily to do that now.

Instead, I laughed as my Saturday evening was spent at the grocery store.  ::) I was craving ice cream and considered going out to ice cream stand, but instead settled on something that shocked S. I usually get chocolate or cappuccino or some variation there of. On occasion, I will go for something different, but vanilla is not on my list of favorite ice cream. But, tonight, I found a Vanilla bean with bourbon ice cream. OMG - It is a good thing it was just bourbon flavoring, or I would have been in trouble. My friend told me I was a novice and should have put real bourbon over vanilla ice cream. LOL

Well, I apparently drowned my sorrows in the full pint. OMG - I never do that - Hahaha. I will be walking tomorrow for sure and going back to behaving with my diet. LOL
« Last Edit: August 17, 2019, 07:58:18 PM by MourningDove »

Online Treasur

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #27 on: August 17, 2019, 11:35:29 PM »
Oooh, that ice cream sounds GOOD!

The crazy crept in on small steps I think. And we adapted to it bit by bit until it becomes so WTF that we need to shut it out. But I'm glad you showed your mother the cheques. Bc it helps not to feel as if others think WE are exaggerating or being a bit crazy doesn't it? I'm sure the bank ladies have no doubt it is weird bc they see the cheques! Even if we are too tired of crazy to want to talk about it lol.

With this 'cheque on the floor' tbh it just sounded like your xh made some assumptions and had a bit of a tantrum?..but let's face it, our spouses stopped behaving like normal sane decent adults, let alone like themselves. We know that even if we still find it incomprehensible sometimes and understand why others might find it even more so bc they don't always see what we see. But gosh, knowing that others understand a bit why you might need to respond as you do to the situation makes it easier...i suppose it takes the pressure off to explain his inexplicable behaviour or justify your own. Is there a way to change the 'cheque' game, Mourning, that feels worth doing?

You do sound a bit tired. And lots of things are changing round you with the kids for instance too maybe?  I think that most of us have a thinner stress skin after this life experience, so you are not alone. Maybe it is all part of a shift in you from living through this to figuring out what living aftervitbmight look like? I hope you can make some time to get back to some long walks with the dog, some wind in your hair drives and some space to recharge your batteries.
« Last Edit: August 17, 2019, 11:38:00 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline MourningDoveTopic starter

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #28 on: August 18, 2019, 11:17:41 AM »
Treasur - LOL. The problem was that ice cream was TOO good. LOL.

Yes, the crazy comes tiptoeing in. I know I saw it a little and dismissed it or explained it away. Then without realizing it, I did adapt and it became "normal". The problem is quite often Xh was able to maintain enough sanity in his outside world or at least because he compartmentalized his worlds more and more, that none of us compared notes. I am finding out now in small pieces, that some people who worked with him saw odd things as well. Changes in his behavior.

Does it matter in terms of Xh's path now? Not really. That sounds perhaps cruel, but the harsh reality is, I have no impact on what he does or doesn't do any longer. I have to keep letting go of it.

The small tantrum, and it was a tantrum of leaving that check on the floor was a way to drag me back in. I think part of my frustrations lie in that I just find myself comfortable in my level of detachment and he does something that sucks me in. I let it get to me. It is not his behavior as much as my response. I didn't laugh this one off. I let it get under my skin.

I have let a lot get under my skin the past couple of weeks. It all goes back to not forcing myself to just shut my brain off completely at times. I am better than I was, but it is a work in progress. When I journal it, I sound like a broken record, but I do notice when I have made efforts to do a better job and when I stumble. And it is important for me to journal it out to see my own repeat performance to help guide me to grow and change. It is not a pattern I want to keep repeating, as it is not beneficial.

One would think that rest is what I need, but the reality is what I need was found on my kitchen floor. I keep the house clean, and mop, but after seeing the weather report, a long walk or hike was out. There are severe thunderstorm warnings with possible flash flooding being predicted. And the mosquitos were out in full force already this morning, so I considered my options.

I was cutting up a fresh cantaloupe from one of the farm stands nearby and dropped a piece of melon on the floor. As I picked it up to throw away, I noticed the grout was stained near the sink. Well, that did it. Now mind you, I have on my list of projects removing and replacing the grout in the near future, but I grabbed a bucket, a scrub brush and got down on my hands and knees.

S's GF came in the door. S is on his way to talk to Xh about finances for college.  ::) I am not even going to touch that one right now - LOL

S's GF asked if I was okay because I had streaks from tears on my cheeks. I said I was just having a moment and needing to cry. She said she understood that and then giggled and said I looked like Cinderella. I was wearing a dress (yah, I didn't change out of my sundress - but took my heels off - my plan with the rain was to go out to run errands instead nearby where the storms were not supposed to hit until later in the day). I had pulled my hair back in a ponytail, but had been scrubbing the floor so hard it was falling out a bit. I was scrubbing the floor with a small brush just working out my aggravations.

It wasn't about the floor after awhile. I needed that physical release and a feeling like at least I was doing something. I wasn't thinking about anything other than the next grout line. 

As I was doing my little project, I started staring at the space under the sink. It is an unfinished part of the kitchen. One of those projects Xh never finished. It has bugged me for the longest time and he took a couple of short cuts that made no sense. He would not let me finish these things when he was in MLC. I wasn't supposed to help on projects any more. And it was one of those situations where I now realize he didn't like that I was capable of doing things. It somehow chipped away at his then fragile ego. In the past, we had always worked on things together.

During MLC he in fact got mad when I came up with a solution for the brooms and such. I had seen a sliding unit that went in a cabinet by a refrigerator. I haven't built the doors or the cabinet yet, but we had plenty of space along side of the fridge for one. He used to throw the broom along side of it and it would fall over. He was so angry when I devised a sliding panel with hooks on a wooden decorative panel. The kids thought it was ingenious. He was not impressed.

As I looked under the sink, I have now plans to make the curved doors that he never completed and how to make that space under the sink actually a functional space with a sliding unit for the garbage, something he said was not possible. Yah, now that I look at it, he would have figured it out in the past. He just didn't care by then.

And of course, I noticed a bit of a questionable fix that I didn't pay attention to during the MLC renovation. His choice of how to run the electric for the dishwasher is not exactly what I would deem up to code. That is going to be addressed. I am betting his cottage is completely up to code because Schmoopieland has a very demanding boss and she would have been cracking the whip. LOL

Hmmmm. Maybe this year for Halloween I can go as Cinderella - before the ball, as I am pretty sure this dress is officially ruined.  ::)

Online Treasur

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Re: Gladly Accepting the Title of "Enigma"
« Reply #29 on: August 18, 2019, 11:46:24 AM »
Big difference though Mourning when we can see the nature of our response and the context right? And find a way to work it off if we can't work it out  :)

Lots and lots of layers in letting go, I've found...maybe we just let go of different things at different stages? When we're ready maybe? I found strangely letting go of my m and my h as a person was much easier than letting go of the need to try to make sense of the sheer insanity of it. Or the sense of injustice and how much it sucked to be so powerless over so much of my own life bc of his actions. I hated that and hated that I hadn't risen above it actually.

Read somewhere that someone else said he needed to beat his own questions to death until his brain gave up and fell over, and that he needed to remove as many of the effects of MLC from his current life as he could. And that the second took much longer to do bc the effects were so big and widespread and practical....but as he chipped away at them, he could feel MLC fading from his own current life. Just like that missing bit under the sink....one more bit of MLC to remove and replace with something better.

Well done on staying away from the convo between your son and his father. Better for your son to see how it is front and centre for himself imho, part of his learning process too. How much longer does the cheque game have to run, Mourning, as I am assuming it is linked to your daughters age/education plans? Is it worth changing how it works so it can just be a bank transfer and no more cheques? You could lie about the reason and blame it on the Nice bank ladies lol.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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