Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 13  (Read 1031 times)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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My Story BURNING MAN 13
« on: August 13, 2019, 06:17:14 PM »
I sat in a divorce attorneys office in Oct 2015. So was divorce always going to be the outcome here. Sometimes I wonder why I start these new threads. I just noticed that 'this is a record of your journey' slogan. I've seen it before but I guess it makes sense now.

The divorce is the next phase. It's the only way to break the cycles and patterns of abuse. I'm in a typical period of NC. She is in a period of Silent Treatment and Ghosting. I always mislabeled her as also being in NC.

So I changed the usual dynamics as we both now face a pending divorce and we will get divorced without a doubt.

I'm not ruminating and I'm pretty solid with NC. This whole experience is one giant mindf*ck. Uh-oh. Is that ruminating ? I've been thinking about these 4 years. It has been all games with her and she continues to game.the system for her advantage.

So I guess my GAL activities prepared me for the transition to divorce as it will most likely be a 8 month ordeal. I went to Kickboxing today and had another good session. I didn't have time for Planet Fitness.

I've only thrown myself into working out over the past 18 months. I don't count that hiking and walking from 2015-2017. I did lose weight but I gained no muscle from those activities.

Now I have a legitimate routine after/before work. Today we were discussing yesterday's trainer. We have concluded she is either trying to kill us or she likes us. My gym friend is my age. He is such a hands on dad with 4 daughters. His youngest just had her sweet 16. It's nice to see that some families are not broken like mine.

He likes where I work and he has no clue how I would trade places with him in a second. I don't get to be a father nor do I see my son's.

I have plenty of things to keep my mind and life occupied. The gym produces results as I am feeling solid in places. I think the Kickboxing definitely wears me out. It kills that anxiety and it is social.

The running is part mental and physical. I'm finding that is probably #2 on my favorite activity list. She asked for an extension, therefore I signed up for 3 more half marathons today in response. I will sign up for 3 more half marathons each time I get paid until she answers the divorce.

If there were concerts I'd be lining them up also but its dying down now. I don't see anymore on the horizon.

So I'm transitioning into divorce life. IDK what life will be like divorced. I will still have my activities. I'm not pining for her, nor do I miss her, nor do I really think about her much.

Yes I would love to know what her strategy is for divorce. I see that I'm a bit quiet and withdrawn with my family. I talk to the guys at Kickboxing. They know nothing about my personal life. I have a few guys at work I talk to.

I come here because I do like the people here on the forum. I've made some friends here. My main interest is myself and just working out and being alone. The divorce is something that I don't want to share in RL.

So I goto work and I have my activities. I'm not blind. I do notice women but I have absolutely no interest and that would include her.

I don't believe I could have any interest anyway until this matter concludes and I get to see what life will be like. I don't have female LBS issues. I don't have the kids. I don't have the home.

In a strange way I can have it easier when she gets rid of me. Mentally it takes a bit to adjust and deal with at times.

So we will see what happens as I continue to transition into this next phase. I have my attorney tomorrow evening.

Thanks for following along as usual.

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11007.0
« Last Edit: August 14, 2019, 06:17:18 AM by Thunder »

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2019, 07:24:49 PM »
What are "female LBS issues"?  :o
Beware "MLCers" telling lies.

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2019, 07:48:49 PM »
Following along Watcher.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019

Feeling kinda done

"Learning how to live like she ain't coming back."

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11024.0;all

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2019, 12:01:37 AM »
I can see that your thoughts are different now though Watcher. Less about her shenanigans and more a kind of review of your own experience of the mindf**kery of the last few years. Bc this s$it is NOT normal and life does seem to turn into a Jerry Springer show no matter what we do for a while doesn't it?  No wonder many of us don't talk about it in RL.

Fwiw I think that is normal and healthy and part of coming to terms with where you are...and it will lead into more thinking about what a new more normal Watcher life might look like beyond running and kicking and country cred lol.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2019, 02:36:31 AM »
Watcher,

You've been at this a bit longer than I have but I see you at a place where I was last year when the real D started rolling along... Up until that point, we "exist" in a sort of "limbo" state where next to noting is "sure" in terms of where and how we go forward with our lives... Do we go forward with or without the alien? Do we go forward with our kids? Do we go forward with our friends? With our lives?

At some point, there is a time when we come to the conclusion that we must go forward, regardless.. .All the "extra-curricular stuff" that we have been doing, that GAL stuff that we used to fill time and to help us focus on something besides our mid-lifer and the $#!t-show that they've been putting on, it all gets the light of "where do I want to go from here" light shined on it.  It is at that point where some of what we have been doing stays because we enjoy it, it is good for us, it is helpful, it fulfills a deep physical/spiritual/emotional need within us. Other things are cast aside because they have ceased to serve us...

That is the point where we can tentatively look into the future and begin to consider what/how we would like our lives to evolve as we go forward, what things serve us and our interested the best and what can be looked at as "Well, that was fun while it lasted. Now it is time to move on."

Maybe it has to do with having an "official" process underway with deadlines attached.  Maybe that helps us to shake off the Cobwebs of Limbodom" and to begin to see a pathway leading out of the quagmire, the jungle... I don't know. I just see that is where it started for me and, from your postings so far, it seems that you are engaged in a similar process...
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Whyus

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2019, 02:45:55 AM »
Following along Watcher.

If there were concerts I'd be lining them up also but its dying down now. I don't see anymore on the horizon.
Blackberry Smoke are playing 2 Gigs at the Brooklyn bowl on 6th +7th of Sept.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmYvljOX6gg

Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #6 on: August 14, 2019, 05:43:57 AM »
I was just trying to see if you were paying attention Not Your Monkey.  ::)

I would say female LBS are usually left to raise the children or attend to the home and finances when their H are in crisis. I was forced out of my situation however, on paper, I look like that stereotypical MLC man who left his family and home.

I don't share that same burden as I'm pretty free to come and go as I please. Yes I have family responsibilities. I guess I've already been paying child and spousal support in a way for the past 4 years.

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2019, 07:18:33 AM »
You know I am always paying attention.  ;D

You are right though. And actually, you are the one living the MLCer lifestyle with your constant exercise regime, looking in the mirror and avoiding your spouse like the plague. LOL.
Beware "MLCers" telling lies.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2019, 07:35:53 AM »
I'd be avoiding her like the plague too if she was doing stuff like throwing irons at me, punching me in the side of the head until my ear bled, and calling the cops on me....

At least at the gym or on the trail, you can have some peace and meet "normal" people...
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2019, 10:25:31 AM »
Hi UrsaMajor, Whyus, Treasur, Not Your Monkey, PJ.

I spent the morning getting paperwork together and then I had to get a haircut because it was unmanageable. I easily lost 10lbs of hair.

I was getting my debt obligations organized. I really carried our family forever while she really just played and enjoyed her money.

I saw my mom today and she said my wake up call was when she ran away to Florida in 2015. It really wasn't my wake up call but it should have been. She got an apartment and new schools for the boys.

When its organized on paper you see how you were taken advantage of for a long time. It actually kind of settled me down preparing the paperwork.

Looking at it today I see how she was dragging me down financially with her. She never would have stopped. I see now that filing was the best thing to do.

My mom said I always went back. If there were marital problems then the two of us should have sought therapy while living separated to address the issues.

Well therapy was never an option. Yes, at least, filing pushed me out of limbo and I really needed to get out of it.

From a crisis standpoint or mental illness view I will always be interested. I see no improvement in her over 4 years. She seems to have gotten a lot worse. More Narcissistic I would say and less Monster.

So does Monster evolve into Narcissism because she was the biggest Monster for such a long time.

So I have calmed down. I was so ready to fire my attorney last night and go back to the female one. My co worker talked me off the ledge. The issue is not the extension.

My issue is he took the phone call from W. He is my attorney and not hers. Too bad she doesn't have an attorney. So we will talk about it today. She is to receive no guidance nor help.

I went through this with my criminal defense attorney back in Jan. I also want to know what is he doing about this parental schedule. If she continues to delay then it should be used against her.

So I have my appointment at 4pm and then a late night Kickboxing session. First, I have to pay the mortgage to keep a roof over the Mrs head and her criminal parents who all hide behind the 2 boys. Bastards all 3 of them. That's where I'm at Agape wise.  ::)

I'm in a good mood so hopefully this attorney doesn't tick me off. I look at this crisis now and just think how could she ever really recover. I think once I'm divorced then I'm pretty much going to have to admit that I'm divorced. It really is the epitome of starting over.

There is so much involved and how could I even consider ever taking her back. IDK. We will see what happens.

Enjoy your day
Thanks

« Last Edit: August 14, 2019, 10:30:49 AM by Watcher »

 

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