Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 13  (Read 1035 times)

Online Whyus

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My Story Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #20 on: August 15, 2019, 03:16:40 AM »
This stuff is very difficult but it's the hardest when you're going through it.
Please trust me the relief when it's all done will be huge weight off your shoulders. 
This is so true Watcher, it is really hard to imagine now but you will feel better when its all over.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #21 on: August 15, 2019, 04:51:34 AM »
Watcher, She was your best because she made sure she was your only friend.  That is what abusers do. They isolate you, not allowing you to have any friends, family, etc. This is why so many people go back to their abusers.  It will take time to learn what a healthy relationship is. Give it more time to undo all the mental conditioning you have had from her since you were a teenager.  Hugs

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #22 on: August 15, 2019, 06:28:30 AM »
Watcher, this part just sucks.  It really does.  Mine slapped those papers on me but it felt like I did all the work to get the deed completed.  I had all my paperwork done and since he ran away and left everything here I also gave my lawyer much of his documentation.

Just power through one day at a time.  We're here supporting you.  You will get there.  You really will. 

(loved the MN oatmeal stout comment - good to see you can find something to laugh about)
After all, tomorrow is another day.
Together 16 years - married 6
BD - 1/1/16 - his 53rd birthday
His divorce final 7/16
Married OW - 7/17
a consistent semi-vanisher in the same small town

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #23 on: August 15, 2019, 04:43:45 PM »
Hi Stillbaffled, WonderNoMore, Whyus, Thunder, Treasur, Disillusioned.

Yes once I have the CIS completed by Monday that will be another checkpoint reached. Thunder dear, 1 car is missing and I have no clue what she did with it. As far as I'm concerned, she still has 2 car assets.

Thunder, I'm sorry I alarmed you. I'm getting divorced. No worries.

My co worker was separated for 5 years. He also just finished his CIS form. His W left him and moved in with OM. They have young kids.

They share 50/50 custody. There is no animosity over the kids. They are battling over finances as she makes more. I was in the office today just talking to a few people.

I went to Kickboxing all tired but I met my male friends. They ask me to go at a certain time. Obviously they are interested in me. Its kind of nice. I had a good session, eventhough I was tired. I'm definitely going to bed soon.

My favorite instructor was asking me a lot of questions today. She is not very perceptive IMO if it took her 18 months to realize that I workout a week in the evenings followed by a week in the mornings. So I explained my work schedule to her.

I saw my mom for a bit. She knows the divorce is stressful. She asked if I wanted to talk about my session. Then she simply said, save your sons. So that was her simple request.

She is hoping that things will run smoothly with 50/50 child custody with S16. She is very afraid for S19. So I guess that's my role.

WNM I agree with you. My coworker told me today. Watcher, I was separated for 5 years. Your problem is you were separated for 4 years and you kept going back. You have to stay away from her.

She doesn't have to do a thing until she gets a lawyer. She will have to attend parenting class and fill out this CIS form with her attorney. Produce 3 recent pay stubs, bank accounts, etc...

It's just a waiting game until she decides whether she is going to participate or not. I would say Sept 3rd is the new deadline. The 1st is a Sunday and the 2nd is Labor Day.

Have a good night
Thank you

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2019, 01:51:14 AM »
One car is "missing?" WTF?  Missing? Does that mean MIL/FIL are using it? Have they wrecked it? Sold it? To whom was/is it registered/titled? Who was paying the insurance? (Oh yeah, that is right, they don't have any)

How does a car just go "missing?"

SOMETHING is missing, that is for sure....

« Last Edit: August 16, 2019, 01:52:18 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #25 on: August 16, 2019, 03:32:41 AM »
I believe you can do a title search on a car by using Carfax, either by the VIN number or the license plate number.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #26 on: August 16, 2019, 05:04:51 PM »
Hi UrsaMajor, Thunder.

Well I finished my CIS form while at work today. It wasn't that bad and I really don't know what impact those numbers have in the end.

One column dealt with expenses as a family unit. The 2nd column dealt with expenses as a single man. There really isn't that much of a difference. The glaring number that stands out is school tuition at 1200 a month and that's yet to be determined.

In all honesty we don't have the money for school once all the numbers are looked at. I did it with smoke and mirrors for years. I think the court is going to force private school anyway and I guess the 2 of us will struggle with the payments.

Since she delayed I'm no longer interested in 60/40. I want a 50/50 split on school now.

I went to Kickboxing after work and worked out with my male friends. My knuckles are a mess this week all scraped up. The sweat and the hand wraps causes friction and cuts develop. Plus I goto the gym 6 days a week.

So my shoulders and arms are sore. I took it easy on my legs as I'm running this weekend. My haircut came out really good and my upper body is actually getting bigger I noticed in the ginormous gym mirror.  ;D

Tomorrow I am at the beach. I ran this course last year and it's a 5K. This one is sponsored by my running group.

On Sunday I'm back down the shore for a 5 mile race. This will be my 1st time on this course. So I have a little bit of traveling on both days. My SIL has her party on Sunday afternoon. IDK yet.

I'm just sharing. I will never understand the sheer stupidity of this OM pining or pursuit. It is incredible how she has thrown away 4+ years of life on a now married man, who lives 1500 miles away, and wants nothing to do with her is just beyond me.

Apparently August 14th was his birthday. So she was granted an extension and it gave her time to focus her attention on his birthday. Meanwhile I will have private school shoved down my throat in a couple of weeks.

So I can't wait to be divorced. I accept everything that I will lose financially. I want her to fall and it will only happen when I'm out of the way legally and she realizes that stupid is never coming for her. I hope it's a hard fall.

Have a good night everyone
Thanks

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #27 on: August 17, 2019, 06:23:29 AM »
Watcher, I don't understand how they can force you to pay for private school when neither of you can really afford it.

Plus you know she won't agree to pay for half of it.
Has your lawyer looked at the numbers and does he still think the courts will approve the private school?

Well it still could be a long ways off if she gets a lawyer.

Good luck on your races.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #28 on: August 17, 2019, 08:13:33 AM »
Hi Thunder,

I just handed in my financials so maybe he will see it for himself now. If she ever gets around to getting a lawyer or handing in financials herself then the train wreck will be exposed. The numbers are not going to lie. All my numbers are legitimately based on my bank statements.

The mediator and my lawyer both asked well how did you do it in previous years. My answer is look at my debt. It was much to my detriment. We had no business sending our sons to that school. Two functional parents could pull it off.

I have run every worse case scenario in my head. It's too easy for the court to say hey you can live at your moms house or your Aunts house. If I went to get an apartment this weekend then I did something wrong and I'm the bad guy.

I guess we have to wait and see how it plays out.

Today I ran 25:52 (8:20). I improved over last year 26:47. It was relatively a flat beach course however it was humid. I got drenched quickly however it really didnt bother me.

I met a few people from the run group as they were wearing club shirts. So I introduced myself afterwards. This was a club sponsored race. I will have 3 or 4 more with the club this year.

So I got some good information on the practice schedules that are run by coaches. They teach you how to run properly and improve your technique. I'm pretty booked on Sundays right now.

There is an infamous hill run in Dec that I'm going to run for the 1st time. They practice every Sunday on that series of 4 hills. It's like NJ folklore those hills. So we talked running.

A lot of them are training for the NYC marathon. They have 12 mile practices right now. So this running club is like serious business. The infamous hill is a 15K so its 9.3 miles. I should have no problem.

I'm definitely going to attend the meeting at the end of the month. Tomorrow I take a step up to 8K. So I will slow it down a bit. I would love to get under 45 minutes as that would place me under 9 min mile.

It depends on the course and the weather. That's a 930am start and that could be a major factor as it's already heating up. I haven't run that course yet.

Enjoy your day Thunder
Thanks
« Last Edit: August 17, 2019, 08:16:32 AM by Watcher »

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: BURNING MAN 13
« Reply #29 on: August 17, 2019, 12:57:27 PM »
Your post brought to mind how staying at the school could negatively effect him.  Can you get access to the utilities showing they are always behind and never paid.  Common sense shows she cannot afford it and neither can you.

The problem with him attending is, she may say she will pay it and then not.  The school would then hold his grades/records until the bill is paid making it impossible to go to college or another school.  You need to show she does not pay her bills.

I had this happen to me a few years ago.  My sisters kids did cheerleading at public school.  My sister got addicted to drugs again.  They had a $2000 bill between them both.  If not paid their records would be withheld.  So some of us pitched in to pay it.

Who do you think would be the one to go ahead and pay that bill for your sons sake.  You need to prove that this is not in his best interest.  That if she cannot pay utilities and you are in debt/living with family, it could end badly for him.
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 38
BD-October 10 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), I believe he is on to OW 2(PA)
BD 2-March 2019-He is getting an apartment

4 kids 5-14 years

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