[barbiedoll]

I could "cut and paste" 99% of what you all have said. But I do have a slightly different twist . After the big BD ( no longer love you, not happy for 10, 20 or 30 years etc etc ) , he wanted to see a marriage counsellor. That was baffling because he clearly said he " wanted to learn to live alone". We did find a counsellor very quickly and she saw us together several times and then asked to see us individually. When I saw her alone , she flat out told me " he is having an identity crisis".  Say WHAT?. Never heard of it prior to that . I remember saying to her …"he really does not have an identity of his own, he copies everything I do ". She said …"No identity of his own? Is there any better reason for a crisis?".


She told me to expect ..Anger, Apathy, Abandonment, Affair and Arrogance.  And she was right.

[PJ Ames]

* W gets a new tattoo, first one since she was 19.
* W asking me why I couldn't be like her gay High School friend. (Uhh, I'm not gay, I'm not in High School, and I'm your husband)
* W driving home intoxicated and treating me like a stern father figure when I complained
* W getting in an arguments with D18 in which D18 was far more mature than W

[Anjae]

Interesting, Barbie.

I see an identity crisis as something different of not having an identity of our own, rather not knowing if the identity we had is still valid.

Mr J had is own identity. If anything, his MLC become alike many other people who lead the lifestyle he leads. He stop being different and turned into a copy of several other djs and clubbers.

Yes, anger, apathy, abandonment, affair and arrogance come with the territory.

* W driving home intoxicated and treating me like a stern father figure when I complained

Think several of us can relate to the MLCer treating us like a stern parental figure when we complain/point out/don't agree.

[Renegade]

1  Not happy for 15 years, then 10, then 3.
2. Says she crazy loves me for years, then ilybnilwy. Seemingly overnight.
3. Radical mood swings
4. Has sterilization reversed while with om.wants a baby at age 40. We have 5 grown children , 4 grandchildren. Never wanted more children over our 17 years together.
5. Everything she does totally opposite from before.
6. No emotion most of the time once the crisis hit.
7. Completely buried herself in work totally exhausted.
8 .affair.
9. lies lies lies. Even when its obvious and for No good reason.
10.  Multiple returns, confusion,unable to make decisions.
11. Rewriting history, projection, demonizing me to everyone to justify the affair.
12. Total lack of compassion for anyone.
13. Crazy spending.
14. New younger more revealing clothing, teeth whitening, braces, very concerned about appearance.
15. Grandiose plans with the affair partner.    Ex. Purchasing a 6 million dollar property together.
16. Shark eyes.   Very noticeable and scary.
.

[Thunder]

Mine went from country rock and 70's music to very loud heavy metal.

Started wearing head phones around the house and singing at the top of his lungs, with a smirk on his face.

Shaved all his gray hair off.  Head, face, chest.

Went from wearing jeans, plain t-shirts and boots, to plaid short and comic t-shirts\or muscle shirts. or no shirt.

Couch potato, to rollerblading, snow shoeing, biking, running, weight lifting, canoeing..much more I'm forgetting.

Started staring at himself in the mirror for hours, using skin creams and lotions, acne creams (never had a pimple in his life) and skin lightening lotions (thought he had sun damage).

Black shark eyes...sometimes dead, no life eyes.

Tried contacts because glasses made him look old, but never could get the hang of them.

Rewriting history. Even made up things that never happened.   

Exhausted every day...slept a lot.

The list just goes on.

[Silver]

Impossible to say what was the biggest but:

Got interested in all kind of spiritual things after getting a massive fear of death
Paid a lot of money for questionable medical treatment 
Got interested and tried alternative medicine
Got interested in horoscopes and especially "love horoscopes"
Exaggerated outbursts of rage
Looked sick and tired
Started to talk about being trapped in her life and escape thoughts
Changes in music taste, repeating same songs, listening to music whole time she was awake (like trying to distract her thoughts)
Blamed me, rewrote history big time
Rapid cycling, from ignorant and cold roommate to overwhelming loving wife
Drank more alcohol
Withdrawal, spent a time by herself more with her iPad and personal growth, spiritual awakening books
Cried more, sometimes laughed at same time
Contacted a man from her past which she met once in a train and had saved his phone number
FA

Oh my...all this in the beginning 

Feels like a nightmare now, I'm glad it's over.

[Wilderheart]

My STBXW, on BD, on the day after her 46th Birthday on March 1st shouted,
'I'm not in love with you anymore',
'You abandoned me',
'I don't know who I am anymore'
'It's been your life not mine'
Shark eyes
and strangely she added 'I expected violence' there has never been any on my part but she would smash things up when intoxicated, her father was a violent man by all accounts and her beloved grandfather had affairs
Lost 4 stone in weight
Overspending like crazy
Complete personality change
New wardrobe
New friends, ostracizing of old friends apart from single men from 27 years ago from our past
New flat
Now a vanisher
Complete disregard for financial obligations
Godzilla levels of monster attacks
Rage and hatred of me
Alcohol and MJ abuse
Constant partying
I think she may also have a borderline personality disorder
Needs to win in divorce and ruin me in the process
Burning of so many bridges its hard to see a way back with friends and family
Wanted a quickie divorce but has now ignored all legal letters for months
My W's grandmother and her aunt died last year, and just before BD she talked about wanting to see her estranged father after 30 years.
She also got in contact with all of her old school friends that she had never expressed an interest in over the 27+ years we were together.
Giving away of my stuff including the fridge freezer last week, tried to undersell the house I'm currently living in
Lies, a lot of fabrications
Rewrote history
Worst of all seemingly no empathy for anyone at all.

[Jackolar12]

I was bowled over by the sudden change in character of my ex wife, we had been at each other’s side for 25 years and did everything together. She started dying her hair raven black twice a week and incessantly plucking her chin and facial hair like a maniac.

A week later she out of the blue told me she loved me to bits and this took me back as we were just watching tv at the time. 2 weeks later she came home from work and said she wanted a divorce, I was really confused and I thought she was joking but nope she meant it.

She started going out with her married brother and his wife on the weekend and coming home late. Her behaviour became  erratic and very critical towards me where previously I could do no wrong. There are many things that are etched in my mind that was said by her during this upsetting time.
The one that stands out the most was “this would never have happened if you made me a cup of tea in the mornings” the strange things was I Used to....

[Jackolar12]

I Remember too the rewriting of history by her, in particular the divorce petition in front of the judge. She brought up an incident that happened allegedly on the 15th of September 1989. I spoke to my female lawyer and she told the judge this cannot be true as the petitioner was in hospital at that time giving birth to her baby boy, yup it was a lucky call that her mixed up re-write made her completely forget our sons birthday.

[Velika]

My ex asked me if I would ever consider living with him and OW* as a platonic friend. This was like just 2-3 weeks into it.

* I later learned OW was a sex worker.