Author Topic: My Story Thread 35 - Done and Dusted  (Read 2322 times)

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« on: August 30, 2019, 02:54:27 AM »
Previous Thread : https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10942 

I have the feeling this thread may last a VERY long time before I have to start a new one, if I do.... The title says it all. xW2's divorce is all but final as of today and I am not a "Stander" as such so my contributions here are not really in keeping with the purpose/mission of HS. I'll see how it goes and won't make any rash decisions at this point......

So, it took 30 minutes to put the end to a 17 year marriage.... Now, we just have to wait 30 days for it to become official. Since I didn't have a lawyer (didn't need one - yes, I am WELL aware that I have had one of the easiest, non-monster, cordial Mid-Lifers in the world. I guess the Karma Bus decided I had paid my dues WELL in advance the first time around) we were not allowed to put a final fork in it today. Technically, if I wished, I could hire a lawyer and file an appeal if I had a good reason. xW2 (now THAT hurts) can also file an appeal within the 30 days if she wants but her lawyer basically said that there wasn't a valid reason to do so. After 30 days, the time for appeals is over and xW2's divorce is REALLY final.

I don't know - at the moment, I feel like it is just the "official" end to 4 years of limbo. I'm sure I'll have some moments over the next few hours/days/weeks/months..... At this particular time, I'm just kind of flat.... <meh>

At the same time, my class starts next week (Education for Ministry) and there are a few things that are coming down the pipe that will change things around a bit.

Life goes on - it can bring us to our knees at times but it is our choice whether we stay there or we get up and start moving forward.... Live well and completely, my friends. Love extravagantly and in abundance. We only get one shot at this life.

UM
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2019, 03:32:30 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, UM.

I had a "nice" MLCer too, and like you, I paid my dues with my first xh.   ::)

I think the only thing I felt when it was final was relief. 
It was finally over.  Not more waiting, no more limbo, and in my case no more lawyers!

UM, there are a lot of people on here who are no longer standing.  Doesn't mean you can't be here.   Good Lord, half of us would be gone.
You have many friends here who love and care about you, and your advice is always welcome and spot on.  Plus you bring some laughter which is sorely needed sometimes.
Besides who would keep us updated on the full moons?   ;D  ;D

I hope this new thread is a good one for you, UM.  You never know where this new life is going to lead you.  ;)   I wish you all the happiness your heart can hold.

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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2019, 03:37:46 AM »
UM
I'm am sorry it came to this. I know this is not what you wanted and you did everything you could.
For me, it doesn't matter if your a stander  or not my friend. Your info, advice, all help you have given me since I came on this site has been a huge thing for me.

I'll be praying for you man. 

Offline Tyks

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2019, 03:51:09 AM »
Um, sorry it came to this. But on the bright side, four years of limbo is over. I hope you stick around like the rest of us "non standers". You have a lot of info to share and people really do love you. As thunder said, if only standers were here there wouldn't be may people !
Me 49
Him 49
22 years together - Married 20
BD1 - August 26, 2016 - ILYBINILWY
BD 2 - August 28, 2016 - OW discovered EA - Kicked him out
D16 D19
April 2017 - Legal Separation Agreement
August 2017 - I filed for divorce
Divorce final February 12 2018

Online Whyus

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2019, 04:23:41 AM »
Welcome to your new thream UM, I hope that you stay around.
A divorced non stander can be a real success Story, you will have your "downers" but hopefully you will bounce right back up.... This is a $h!tety day to say the least, Chin up UM.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2019, 07:19:20 AM »
Yes, chin up!  I know this has to be a really hard day.  Your presence here brings some much needed laughter and I agree that you can be a success story even in divorce.  Better days are ahead.
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 39

BD1-April 2018-Unrecognized by me until way later, he is unhappy, wants counseling.
BD2-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), Unsure if he and OW2(PA) are still together?
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Online Treasur

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2019, 07:21:39 AM »
Tbh UM as Thunder says, lots of divorced LBS here  :)
Plus maybe divorce adds another layer of detachment and a perspective that might be helpful to others who are currently less detached?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajorTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2019, 07:57:39 AM »
Thanks for all the replies.

Divorced isn't the issue as I see it, rather that I'm done but, like I said, no rash decisions.....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2019, 09:34:59 AM »
UM I am sorry about the divorce.

I know I struggle with being here too... being divorced and having paved the way with tacks and nails at this point. I came here looking to save my marriage and try not to lose my mind in the process but I met some really amazing people along the way who I call friends. I really have a hard time imagining my life without them. There are some truly decent, kind and compassionate people here.  I hope you stick around and show us there is an amazing life still waiting for us after divorce. You have a lot to offer those still consumed by the fire.       
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline 9393roo

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2019, 09:46:20 AM »
UM, I’m sorry to see the end of your marriage.  While I completely understand your need to be “done” I wanted to let you know how much you have meant to me and many others here.

In my deepest and darkest days I would sit at the kitchen table in the morning drinking my coffee and crying.  I would sign onto here and I would find the absolute funniest things from you. Many times I laughed out loud through my tears. 

You have a gift of making people feel better through humor.  I hope you continue to use it in your life.  I know you will.  Take a break, find out what the next chapter of your is going to be and focus on UM. 

Know that you are going to be missed and know that you have helped many in so many ways.

God bless and may you find peace. 

Roo
Husband 54
Me 54
Kids 3 sons 28, 26, 23 1 daughter 19
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 32 years.  Together 34
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

 

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