Author Topic: My Story Thread 35 - Done and Dusted  (Read 2320 times)

Offline AlvinTheMaker

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My Story Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2019, 11:30:20 AM »
UM... As a newbie I don't have much to say other than live long and prosper ,🖖 , you have been one good teacher and continue to be.
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD: Feb 2019
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

On LBS diet: started at 281 lbs, now 265 - goal is to lose 66 lbs while being suck at this

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
*** There are things you control and things you can't control, but what you can control is your attitude towards things you can't control. ***
*** “Rivers know this: There is no hurry, we shall get there some day.” — Winnie the Pooh ***

Offline xyzcf

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2019, 11:52:53 AM »
I am truly sorry about her divorce. After all the stories, after my own experience, I still do not understand why they do this.

Ursa, you are a wonderful human being and your care for others is greatly appreciated. I too love to read your insights, smile at your "meme's" and appreciate everything you do on HS.

Whatever you decide to do regarding HS, is all good.....being "done" and knowing so clearly that you are done, I can see why you may think you might wish to get away from the stories here.


I disagree with this statement:

Quote
I am not a "Stander" as such so my contributions here are not really in keeping with the purpose/mission of HS. I'll see how it goes and won't make any rash decisions at this point......

Actually, I estimate that there are more people who are not standers than standers on HS and all are welcomed. I see that your rationale is more related to being done but this site serves a large range of people..just needed to say that. Respect is what is key and you have always shown a great deal of respect for everyone here.

Good luck with your Ministry education! Thank you so much for the hours and hours you have spent helping others...a true gift to us all!
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Online One day at a time

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2019, 01:20:05 PM »
Joining your new thread UM. When I joined HS, I was very confused, wondering if it was MLC, blaming myself.. Typical newbie I guess.. I posted my story and my doubts and similar to what Roo said, your response made me laugh out loud at a time when I spent a lot of my day crying.. I will be forever grateful for the time you spent giving advise and making me laugh, not just in my threads but in many others..

I actually love the fact that this forum has a combination of standers, non standers, done, divorced, indifferent, moved on, etc. because it gives a healthy mix of stories and many different outcomes that are considered successful stories. So I don't think you will be "the odd one" here. But I understand if you decide to close this chapter in your life and move on because let's be honest, we would've all preferred to never have the need to find HS. So as our stories evolve, some people will stay and others will prefer to go. You will be missed if you go but you need to do what's right for you.

I hope you have something nice planed this weekend UM.
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Online Treasur

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2019, 02:57:30 PM »
Hey UM, looks like the new moon plays to your strengths...should we call it a Bear Moon?  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2019, 06:31:49 PM »
Sorry about the divorce, UM. It really sucks. And sorry about being done.

I really appreciate all you've done for me and for HS. Your sage advice and comic relief has helped make my own journey a little more bearable. I hope you stick around, but I really hope you do what's best for you.

Lighting a candle for you Sunday. Praying that the next chapter in the life of UM is a happier one.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2019, 07:22:06 PM »
It would be a shame to lose a member of the 2015 class, UM.   Sending a cyber hug. 

Hope you and the kids have a good weekend. 
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline ember

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #16 on: August 30, 2019, 09:39:52 PM »
I know that you feel like this is "an end" and it probably is for you,  but it will be interesting to see how your exwife deals with her life now that she got what she thinks she wanted. I expect that she is in for some nasty surprises when she discovers (IF she discovers) that it wasn't the divorce that she actually needed after all. I look forward to your stories relaying her messed up comments.

Chin up Ursa, I am just over ten years post bomb drop and am happier with my second husband than I ever was with my first. You just never know what the universe has in store for you.

Offline Anjae

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #17 on: August 30, 2019, 11:39:22 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Ursa.

I actually love the fact that this forum has a combination of standers, non standers, done, divorced, indifferent, moved on, etc. because it gives a healthy mix of stories and many different outcomes that are considered successful stories.

Same. I love the mix and all sorts of stories and outcomes. 

So I don't think you will be "the odd one" here. ~

Nor do I. I understand if you do not wish to stay around, but not being a stander and being done do not excluse anyone from being here. People still have a lot to offer. If nothing else, their own story, outcome and success.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline beyondblessed

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #18 on: August 31, 2019, 04:51:52 AM »
I'm sorry, UM.  Done is truly a different place.  Sometimes you have to let go of old things, to pick up new and better things.  Doesn't make it easier,  but still true at the end of the day.

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: Thread 35 - Done and Dusted
« Reply #19 on: August 31, 2019, 08:45:03 AM »
Hello,

I understand your feelings at the moment. You have a lot of mixed emotions and I felt the same. I was off the forum for over five years after being a regular for three. Dealing with my MLCer and then being divorced was too much for me. However, during my time on the forum then and now, I never manged to bring "Life of Brian" or "The Big Lebowski" to the forum either.

You have a great gift of insight and bring a sense of humor that helps all of us deal with our lives in the real world and it would be a great loss if you stopped posting.

As many have stated being done doesn't prevent you from being a part of the forum. You can always post about your life and your children as you continue your journey.

Remember, the forum is not about the life of your MLCer-they add some seasoning and drama. The real story is all about you.

((((Hugs))))

Ready


"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

 

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