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Author Topic: My Story Six months in now still looking for answers

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My Story Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#80: November 08, 2019, 04:53:06 AM
Not journaled for awhile, still no further down the line with divorce proceedings hopefully I will receive a response to all my solicitors questions next week. Things have gone very quiet so in the meantime I'm working on the flat and hanging out with friends this weekend. Would love to report that the hurts all gone but sorry I'm afraid that it's just not the case, still more bad days then good but at least now there is the odd good day. I'm still harbouring the fantasy that she will 'wakeup' if that's the correct terminology, but it doesn't feel like that could be anytime soon if ever, so it remains just a fantasy. Still no contact from her even to our and her oldest friends. Nobody knows exactly where she is or how she is living her life nowadays.
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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#81: November 08, 2019, 08:40:04 AM
Trust in the process Wild.
I’m 18 months in from BD and, although it’s still early on in MLC I feel so much stronger and I feel better about me.
It’s a journey for both Mlcer and lbs. we start at rock bottom and crawl and drag ourselves up whereas the mlcer sets off like a rocket but, we get stronger and get on with it the mlcer seems to just keep running around in circles living in a fantasy, desperately trying to run away from us and their unhappiness.
Given time, we are no longer in the pit of doom or rock bottom but our mlcers are heading for their rock bottom and I pity them because we all remember those dark nightmare days and I wouldn’t wish those on anybody.
Keep going forward Wilderheart you have the lbs army behind you.

God bless you
Shock and awe
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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#82: November 08, 2019, 11:12:38 AM
Thank you Shock and awe.

Sometimes just being on here with people who understand the process and what it does to us shell shocked LBS' is enough to raise the spririts. I can't really talk openly with friends and family anymore as they seem to just  think I'm just making excuses for her behaviour. There's days when even I stop to think maybe she is just a walk away wife but then I get thrown another random curve ball from her via a solicitors letter which brings her right back into the MLCer script book. I do need to trust. I'm so glad and grateful to be here and so sorry that we are all having to endure these trying times.

God bless you and thank you so much.
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« Last Edit: November 08, 2019, 11:26:59 AM by Wilderheart »

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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#83: November 08, 2019, 12:03:57 PM
Please don't doubt your own judgment, wilder, that what seems like insane WTF behaviour is exactly that. It will save your sanity if you do. You can't change it and staying as far away from it as you can is wise. But if it quacks like a WTF duck, it's a duck...
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#84: December 23, 2019, 04:40:25 PM
Hi all, not journaled for awhile now but still checking in on others journeys regularly and trying to keep myself grounded, still staying with friends whilst fixing up the london flat and hoping to move in early next year.

Her divorce has been now amended and sent straight to court without being sent to my solicitor for comments before hand unfortunately she has now stated that two weeks before BD that I strangled her until she was unconscious and left bruises on her neck and gave her concussion, this never happened and there never was any form of violence in the 27 years we spent together, this came as a total shock to me and everyone else, she has now completely ostracised all friends and it seems she no longer talks to any of her family except her sister.

I now have to decide wether to defend the divorce or let it go ahead but strongly refute her claims, she also states on the new divorce papers that it is me that has caused her current anorexia/bulimia and has a letter from her therapist to prove so. Friends who did see her just after the break-up have all provided statements to refute her claims and the two who remained on FB checked and she has deleted all photographs from December 2018 through to May 2019 and now they also have been blocked.

I went to lunch with her oldest friend last week and she now has nothing more to do with her as she was told by my STBXW wife "that she is no longer her type of person and she didn't know why they were ever friends in the first place" They had been friends for 30 years. She told me she doesn't know or like the person my STBXW is now. Staying with friends for Xmas (best man and maid of honour at our wedding) for a waifs and strays Christmas and actually kinda looking forward to it.

Still have mostly down days but do feel I'm getting my feet slowly back under me and do have some commentary work on film releases coming up next year so tons of research and getting back to what I loved doing. Things that I struggled to enjoy since BD like movies and painting are now coming back to me. Friends have been amazing. My solicitors letters remain unanswered and her solicitor even claimed he had not been receiving them until he was sent the opened and read files from my solicitor to prove that he had definetly received and read them. Still no disclosure from her and still no response to the repeated request as to where are all my clothes and shoes and personal possessions. Just bizarre, but oddly it feels like I have come to accept and even understand from being here the strangeness and surrealism of the situation.

Still not sleeping through the night but that's OK as there is a ten week old puppy (a Frenchy) in the house to keep me company and so much love from friends so I'm never really lonely but still would love to just talk to her and to help her get the help she seemingly needs, we have been no contact for 10 months now and I still miss my friend.
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« Last Edit: December 24, 2019, 01:51:35 AM by Thunder »

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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#85: December 24, 2019, 01:43:21 AM
I am sorry to hear that your w is getting worse but pleased to hear that you are doing better, Wilder.

Yup, you could not make this stuff up could you?
The only gift of such crazy behaviour is that others see it and it is so obviously not about you.

It seems as if you have three issues; the divorce, finances/possessions and your w's false allegations. I have no idea what your legal options are and I hope you are getting good advice from your solicitor. My instinct is to stay close to the truth and defend myself from such horrific lies, but your solicitor will be able to guide you best on what is possible and what is constructive. I have no idea if one can insists on a psychological evaluation as part of a high conflict divorce process for instance or if you should countersue your wife for her false allegations. But it may be that you need to take a more legally aggressive route to protect yourself and your L will be able to advise you best. My sense though is that separating yourself legally and financially from her as soon as you can may be necessary bc your w sounds quite mentally unwell and on a very destructive spiral. I am so sorry.

And of course underpinning all that are your own emotions about it all, especially hard perhaps at this time of year. I am glad you have support from friends and the little dog too  :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#86: December 24, 2019, 01:44:27 AM
Treasur and I are tag-team posting at the moment...

I'm thinking a counter-claim of slander/liable as well as theft might be in order... The claims she is making are VERY serious and possibly criminal so just shrugging them off its probably NOT in your best interests... In addition, in the position of your solicitor, I'd be looking into a complaint of malfeasance to the bar against her solicitor....

Regardless, I'm glad that your friends are stepping up on your side and that they are providing support for you...
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#87: December 31, 2019, 03:47:26 AM
Thank you all for the support, hope you all had a good break from MLC'ers over the holidays I certainly did but tomorrow's a new start as we rotate the sun yet again and I guess I will be getting no response to my solicitors questions to hers in a hurry.

As for the outrageous lies she is now telling to the courts I will take my solicitors advice on how to proceed forward and defend myself, from my understanding you cannot liable someone just in court papers.

Spent Christmas Day with friends including a film director a turner prize winner, a fashion photographer, a political activist, a film producer and two special effects artists so couldn't have felt more blessed and in better company, still it was our first Christmas apart and still tinged with sadness for me.

I think she was at her mothers and late on Christmas Day an old friends ex girlfriend started sending me photos of us as a couple from a wedding we attended in Italy a few years. I know my STBXW and the girl in question had been talking on Facebook but this was the first time she had contacted me in years so I'm not sure if my STBXW had put her up to it or not. Just another of those bizarre moments. I thanked her for the photographs and she said sorry!?!

Back to work on the flat today spent last night there alone for the first time since the breakup last March 1st couldn't sleep so back with friends for now. Still dealing with the mortgage company and had consented to sell the Norwich house but my STBXW pulled from the market as my solicitor stated that my matrimonial home order would not be lifted until the point of sale and a holding survaynece solicitor would freeze the equity until financial settlement in order to protect my interest in the property. Her solicitor would not respond to this agreement despite repeated requests, so it looks as though the bank will repossess the property at some point.

It has been a welcome break to get off the crazy train for awhile over the holidays but I dread to think what on earth will be coming next in the new year.
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« Last Edit: December 31, 2019, 04:32:16 AM by Wilderheart »

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Six months in now still looking for answers
#88: February 28, 2020, 04:45:30 AM
Today is an anniversary of sorts it's her birthday and the eve of BD really should change my header to one year in now. Nothing much to post really we remain no contact her divorce has stalled yet again due to her failure to fully disclose on form e so the crazy train just keeps rolling along. Myself I'm regaining my confidence and still standing and trusting in the process but remains detached. The only real news is from two friends  on social media that she seems to now be depressed at times but mostly still deep in replay still partying and drinking heavily. She posted on FB a few months back that she thought her new life would be wonderful but feels isolated and lonely, it wasn't up there for long though. She has now joined some dating sites. My solicitor has asked hers a lot of questions as the lies and accusations were piling up without any supporting evidence, so the next few weeks will be telling. Even if we ever talk again or not we now have to divorce in order for me to protect my future, she is running up debts still and balieffs are now pursuing her, her life is now financially in ruin for the next few years at least. I'm still dealing with the combined expenses and have agreements set up to pay of the arrears caused by her running. I still hope we can one day talk and work together to put things right.
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« Last Edit: February 28, 2020, 04:46:51 AM by Wilderheart »

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Re: Six months in now still looking for answers
#89: February 28, 2020, 05:38:09 AM
One step at a time.

You are sounding MUCH better than you were, even before Christmas

Good to let the attorney deal with the crazy as well as putting HER attorney on notice that, if she is going to make accusations, she needs to back them up with proof.  Also sounds as if life isn't as glorious as she expected it to be in Schmoopieland... Consequences...
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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