When I first discovered what was happening I was literally in fetal position.
Little by little I started to feel normal. H and I are reconciling and you would think it would make it better....but honestly it is so hard I think can I do this....not that I would change it. I am happy we are working through all this but the triggers are really tough.
But it has been 2 years and 7 months and 9 days since I found out....and it is still hard.
A friend who is divorced and had a really upsetting break up told me it is like this....
The ocean is churning and the waves are big and they are coming one after another. They knock you down and some come so closely to the last wave you can't catch your breath. You are very weak in the beginning. But as time goes on there are still waves, but they come fewer and farther apart and they lose their power and you get stronger. One day even if a wave comes, it won't knock you over, you will just stand there and watch it crash on the shore.....it will get easier. That metaphor really helped me visualize it!
Hope it helps someone else too!