[Keep believing]

Can you explain this fog? Was is something physical you could feel or see?

[Granite]

I stepped away for awhile and upon returning find you are still generously and graciously helping people.  Beautiful.

A raging fire fosters new growth, a flood brings fresh soil to the fields.

If it is not too personal a question….     

Given all the mayhem a crisis causes, did going thru the one result in any positives for you?  Not so much situational improvements, but deeper improvements within yourself?

I’d like to believe that similar to a forest fire, after the earth is scorched, new growth begins.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Puzzled

My Father also went through a MLC and he blew up his own life. He left to live with ow and my mother remarried. He regretted it every day of the rest of his life.
Your h may never tell you because as in my case, my own ex h moved on and remarried. I know explaining to him and telling him how much I regret what happened, however much I want to will cause him more problems as his new marriage is not a happy one. He has small children with his new wife and I will never rock that boat. I caused him so much pain I will never cause him more.
Sometimes it isn’t the best course of action and we MLCers just have to accept we caused this, we made our beds and now we have to lie on them. Too much damage to repair, too embarrassed by what we did. The LBS may have moved on etc., so many reasons as to why but I know in my own case I will always regret what I did and I will always love my ex h.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Shelley

I remember him being so devastated and crushed by this that the guilt overrides anything he said as I know I am fully responsible for the mess.
I only really remember him insisting I go to the doctor as he thought I was going insane.
I remember him talking to my family at the start telling them he thought I was having some kind of breakdown.
As I went deeper in I don’t remember much of my interactions with him other than me trying to avoid him and my indifference towards him.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Mrs smiling

I had to have contact as we had a then young daughter but the more the indifference began to take over the less I cared if there was contact or not. It wouldn’t have bothered me at that time if I never had contact with him again.
It’s the indifference that made me so detached from him, the fact I was so deeply in by then is testament to that.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Couragedheart

In a word no.
MLC is something I couldn’t control. Anything my ex h did or said wouldn’t have stopped me, reduced the time it took or changed a single thing.
Once that switch is flipped there’s no going back, going round or underneath it I had to go through it.
It’s a compulsion and I was driven to do it regardless of what my ex h said or did.
It’s a process and as such I followed the process.

[Shockandawe]

Hi FTT

If my ex h had written to me at that time I would have ripped them up as I simply didn’t care at all about him. At first I hated him but that gave way to total indifference so anything he said was instantly deemed insignificant and pointless.
I’m sorry you’re going through this nightmare and I sympathise greatly with the LBS but understand that at this time your spouses are not who you know and will do the opposite of what they normally would.
I can’t emphasise enough that this is not and was not ever about you. It was and is all about them.
The process needs to be gone through however long it takes.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Mego

During my pockets of clarity I was overwhelmed by guilt.
During these brief moments I would think what the hell are you doing? The guilt would weigh me down and the fog would pull me back. I think it had to as I couldn’t cope at this time and the protection of the fog ensured I wouldn’t go crazy. That’s my opinion of it anyway.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Jackolar

Yes others noticed and would say things like you changed or I didn’t recognise you as you are so different. I took that as a compliment in my fog warped mind. Lol. If they got too probing I would ignore them or avoid them.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Granite

It’s not something physical it’s more like a feeling, kind of like being in a bubble where nothing affects you. Everything outside the bubble is moving at break neck speed but inside the bubble it’s slow. Nothing penetrates so nothing matters. There’s no emotion, no feelings, no positive feelings. It’s a nothingness that lies to you to convince you that you’re feeling this way because you need to change everything about the old you. It’s a crazy bus ride and the compulsion is overwhelming.