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Author Topic: My Story My daughter and I will get there!!!!

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My Story Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#30: October 20, 2019, 12:27:45 PM
Well
Not that I would ever ever ever be that person that stopped the kids seeing their dad but I may be shortening the amount or days. Especially when it’s a working day as he will only see the kids for a hour or so and it seems to be more or a hinder.  But in a few weeks we are discussing so I’ll bring it up. And give longer another day when they don’t have school. Clington currently sees the kids every other day. If he’s working then it’s 6-6:30pm until around 8pm. Basically whenever he gets here from finishing work. If it’s a day he has off work he will have the kids all day. Set contact says are Tuesday Thursday Saturday and every other Sunday.

I think, one day he really will regret everything because time is very very precious and he won’t be able to get that back!
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#31: October 21, 2019, 04:51:19 AM
S12 stays with me about 50% of the time, maybe a bit more. D8 is a Mommy's-Girl and only stays with me every couple of weeks except on holidays or so but we are working on that. I at least get to see her when I pick up S12 from xW's place on the nights he's with me.

Having said that, xW initially "offered" that I could have the kids every 2nd weekend and just pay her. My counter-offer was that she could go pack sand and that I'd see her in court, it was going to be 50% or hot war because she was NOT going to take the kids away from me.  The resulting conversation was both laughable and pitiful because she went on how I hardly helped with the kids (until I reminded her WHO it was that got them up and out the door every single morning and took them to the Kindergarten, etc. which she then admitted it was true), how she was the one that had to deal with them when they weren't feeling good (until I pointed out how she would come swooping in, literally push me aside to take the kid out of my arms and blame it on her "mommy hormones - this is the same woman who didn't wake up in the night when one of the kids would be crying because she didn't hear them in her sleep whereas I was out of bed in a second - ??? which she then admitted was also true)
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#32: October 21, 2019, 07:39:47 AM
Interesting sachat and UM - your mlcers really want to maintain contact with their children whilst mine moved countries. I suppose nothing is normal in mlcer land. My view is he has not bonded with her. No one who had a bond with their child would leave countries and live half way around the world. Anyway thanks for the feedback. Are there any other mlcers with young children - under 10 - who hardly contact their child? It’s seems quite unnatural but it’s the reality.
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Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2018 moves out
November 2018 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2018 - meeting up with her for holiday
BD3 - engaged to OW December 21, 2018
BD 4 - tells me he is moving back to home country on January 27, 2019. Gives me 5 days notice. His flight date is February 1, 2019.

I just want the money and him out of my life!

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Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#33: October 21, 2019, 08:03:12 AM
I don't post often, but my kids are 10 and 3. My ex sees them on a Thursday after work and drops them home at about 7:30pm and then he has them every saturday. If he can get out of having them... he will... but new step-mum loves the control of it all. In the school holidays, he has them from Sunday evening to Wednesday when I finish work (ex and step-mum are teachers - it's how they met..True love right there).

Their relationship is based on lack of trust. She watches him like a hawk and calls all the shots. She is also over the top in her affections to ex and is part of the attraction. He laps it up. She's a drama teacher. He's an English teacher. They think they're Romeo and Juliet, but not a Shakespeare Theatre production - it's like the Christmas Panto version.

It's been almost 4 years since BD, and initially he would only see them 'when he wanted to'. I pushed for regular days/hours for him to see the kids and went to mediation as I was sick of hearing 'I should be able to see my kids whenever I want to', which equated to him calling round to the house for an hour after work and that didn't work for me.

He has only recently got the message after he sent me a message asking if he could call to the house and see the kids and walk the dog (dog was never his) and I firmly replied that our lives were completely and utterly separate now. It probably hasn't allowed me to 'pave the way', but I'm totally done being empathetic to that man.
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« Last Edit: October 21, 2019, 08:04:48 AM by New Day Rising »

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Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#34: October 22, 2019, 05:11:11 AM
OW is a drama teacher?



How... utterly ....  uhmmmm ... appropriate

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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#35: October 22, 2019, 05:20:44 AM
Head of Drama. Special brownie points for being head of department in drama too, I think.

Hahaha. Oh my goodness. That made me laugh out loud in a very quiet office.

Yes, I should have known something was up when my ex took a serious interest in how good the school production of The Lion King was back in 2015. My face when he told me how good it was, was something like this.



And then I started laughing and was told not to laugh. Sorry sir. He has always hated musicals. Not anymore. He raves about La La Land, which he is currently in. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not.  ;D

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« Last Edit: October 22, 2019, 05:26:26 AM by New Day Rising »

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Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#36: October 22, 2019, 09:18:40 AM
Hey NDR
Your mlcer sounds similar to mine. It’s about the kid fitting in with them and when the mlcer wants to spend time.  I’ve set boundaries and he’s agreed but then he just forgets them - well chooses to forget.

I spoke to him on Saturday about some financial issues. He mentioned he will be where we live on Friday and would like to have a sleepover with our daughter. This might be ok if he lived an hour away but he has flown half way around the world and the only reason I found out was because I spoke to him. Either 1) he was hoping to avoid us completely or 2) he’s still so stuck in his own world. I thought of saying that we are busy but my friend said that is only harming my daughter.

I do have my radar up. He’s told me he’s not back with his woman but my sixth sense Is advising me. The fact he’s left this travel arrangement last minute and he doesn’t want to call or meet up says he’s told her he won’t meet me. ( I mean it’s very hard to lie if you are a cheater! 🤣🤣🤣)I  think in some way I’m looking forward to the divorce. I can’t trust him.

 I mentioned how OW has unblocked me on Facebook —- interesting...she did that just before they went on holidays and got engaged. After then she blocked me again. Now I’m unblocked. It’s probably the pregnancy announcement!

When we spoke he’s quite nice and understanding. His anger has gone towards me. But thats him trying to be nice so I can think of him as the nice guy. Even when he was holidaying with his woman but before I found out about the cheating - he was sending me happy snaps of his time away..... what a F=&& wit.
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Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2018 moves out
November 2018 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2018 - meeting up with her for holiday
BD3 - engaged to OW December 21, 2018
BD 4 - tells me he is moving back to home country on January 27, 2019. Gives me 5 days notice. His flight date is February 1, 2019.

I just want the money and him out of my life!

s
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Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#37: October 22, 2019, 01:23:03 PM
I mean I know I say it a lot on my own thread but I guess it applies to us all. You can’t make this sh!t up can you. I mean wow. I wouldn’t take what he says with anything tbf. I remember asking Clington when it went official with Ow would he please tell me. Let me prepare my own self and not see it online. He agreed he would. Guess what? He didn’t. He lied. Personally I would follow your gut. I don’t think it ever lets us down tbh.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#38: October 23, 2019, 03:38:02 AM
I mean I know I say it a lot on my own thread but I guess it applies to us all. You can’t make this sh!t up can you. I mean wow. I wouldn’t take what he says with anything tbf. I remember asking Clington when it went official with Ow would he please tell me. Let me prepare my own self and not see it online. He agreed he would. Guess what? He didn’t. He lied. Personally I would follow your gut. I don’t think it ever lets us down tbh.

How can you tell when a Mid-Lifer is lying? Their lips are moving...

Rule of Thumb - 0% of what they say and about 50% of what they do until it is consistent is true
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

N
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  • Posts: 168
  • Gender: Female
Re: My daughter and I will get there!!!!
#39: October 23, 2019, 03:56:55 AM
Hey NDR
Your mlcer sounds similar to mine. It’s about the kid fitting in with them and when the mlcer wants to spend time.  I’ve set boundaries and he’s agreed but then he just forgets them - well chooses to forget.

Yes, very true. They want it on their terms only. I am a little further along than you are, but it took me almost 3 years for him to get the message. Even after he was engaged to be married to OW, he still wanted to call to the house and see the kids and walk the dog, like playing happy families as if he's a toddler. I think the firmer you are with boundaries, the more annoyed they get, but the eventually get the message... well 3 years later.
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