[superdog]

Thank you for saying that Ready. I do have my days when i could punch his nose but then I picture it in my head, do it hard, then sit back and smile cos i never went to prison for the assault.

SD
x

[justasking]

Whilst the OW is still in the picture he is still in replay, though he maybe on the tail end. Your right it maybe a huge touch and go or move him further into the tunnel. He has to get rid of OW and move into OW withdrawal proper and then depression.

Whilst she hangs on she holds him in replay. He needs to find the strength to dump her and he will feel huge responsibility for her and she will play on that. At the moment he feels guilt about you and guilt about her and doesn't know which way to run. Let OW strangle their affair further and she will as she feels the huge cracks appearing.

Keep going as you are and let him keep coming to you.

You are roughly on my timeline and my H has just gone through a major touch and go and now anger is back big style as he tries to work out and reflect on what he wants. This maybe because he wants me to shut the door as it is easier for him as he then has to stay with OW.

All intersting stuff if we weren't involved lol

xx

[Sassyone]

If OW is in the picture he is still in replay.  He sounds like he is tip his toe into the next phase.  As long as she is there he stays in replay.  Be patient, trust your instinct, you will know when to push.  She is his problem and he must get rid of her.  There must be no connection or communication with her as he must enter OW withdrawal which is different from withdrawal.

Keep being the lighthouse.

Hugs,

Sassy

[Dontgiveup]

Withdrawal is one of Conway's stages, which if memory serves are aligned with Kubler-Ross' stages of grief (though I may not remember that correctly).  I prefer the terms for stages of Separation, Liminality and Reintegration.

I don't have an opinion one way or the other about the possibility of OW (or OM) withdrawal.  It's a term that I mostly saw HB use and haven't read much about it.  I do think the OW/OM relationship can survive into Liminality, but like RCR's article says.....the nature of the relationship changes.  I am seeing this firsthand in my friend's situation.

Now with that said, I don't think any LBS can tell for many months afterward when the MLCer has potentially progressed to another stage.  In my friend's situation, his ex-wife started talking about wanting to return more than 6 months after expressing embarassment and shame for her behavior.

[superdog]

Just as a matter of interest, what does that bit mean. The nature of the relationship changes? Is it about the infatuation waning and the emotional blackmail kicking in?

I honestly don't believe for a second he would say any of the stuff to her he said to me the other night. She would likely freak out and go all Glen Close on him. He has always sworn EA not PA, but that's probably a big fat wet hairy MLC'er lie but I would be interested in how an EA relationship would change. Is it just the same fantasy thing?

SD
x

[Dontgiveup]

Just as a matter of interest, what does that bit mean. The nature of the relationship changes?

In my friend's case, when his ex-wife started expressing regret and embarassment, she was still living with OM.  She told my friend they were roommates by that point and she was planning on changing her living arrangements.

[kikki]

Superdog - my H expressed similar things to yours about six months ago.  He has broken up with the OW a few times since then, but she is clinging on for dear life.  (or he is, or both?).
The cycling towards us and then away has been crazy and turbulent since then.  Recently he seems calmer again. 
The OW is still there.
He has said on many occasions, that it's as though he is being pulled in two different directions, and has no idea which way to go.

I'm grabbing my popcorn.

[crazyforhim]

Superdog- my H is still with OW as well but has tried to leave several times.
So the nature of the relationship does change....infatuation (in the beginning) to a feeling of get me out of here but I have no idea how. My H has told friends that he wants out but has no idea how to....but I see depression in my H and he is still in replay
These OW hang on till the bitter end and it is exhausting (can't imagine how it is for them!!!)

[superdog]

Hi Ladies,

It looks like our timelines are pretty similar. I found out about OW in June 2009.

My H had a return to replay last night (read the bit on my thread it will eeek you out). Depression has been really apparent throughout the time and he appears to be making some real associations in his head. Hence his apology, which he reaffirmed last night right before his interlude to age 15. So some sort of awakening happened and was followed by severe crying two weeks ago.

Regarding OW I told him that if the elephant in the room that's been $h!teting on my carpet for the last 3 years does not leave, then I will personally see to the elephant and one of us will be finding another place to live. Sadly mine never left.

Have you seen a big difference? I have seen a difference in behaviour for sure. See how long it lasts.

SD
x

[OldPilot]

I added a link to the first post of this thread, I believe it is the thread that you were reading however if it is another one please let me know.