[Trustandlove]

I've had cycles like that all along; I agree that it is more depression the deeper he gets in; also, for a while (and I've experienced many "a whiles") the high of whatever activity he is into keeps him away as we. 

[Jackolar12]

Summer progress, I believe MLC is about reaching a point in life when you are fed up of reaching others expectations. It it becomes a search for your authentic life whatever course you now choose. These may be replay behaviours from your past which made you happy at the time. Which may alter your opinions for the future. What really matters is that you are happy with you choice and you learn from MLC

[Thundarr]

Interesting that so many experiences are so different.  After 6 years in I've yet to hear one word of remorse from my XW or even admission that she caused anyone hurt at all.  Kind of demoralizing to think that she still blames me even after all this time and even though absolutely none of her plans for her and lawyer boy have worked out. Glad at least some of us are seeing positive signs.

[Anjae]

The first three stages are suppose to be running away stages and the last three are suppose to be returning.

ON HS we only have 4 stages, OP. :

From RCR MLC stages:

Pre-Midlife: Accommodation
1. Separation
   a.Rejection & Refusal
   b.Resentment
   c.Escape & Avoid (Covert Depression)
   High-Energy: Reply
   OR
   Low-Energy: Wallow
2, Liminality or Liminal/Overt Depression
3. Rebirth
4. Reintegration


HB has six:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Replay
4. Depression
5. Withdrawal
6. Acceptance.

RCR does not count denial, anger, depression and withdrawal as stages, since those things, expecially the first three, are present during the whole of her first stage, Separation, that includes Escape & Avoid. Withdrawal can also be present at several stages. And deprssion, denial and anger do not automatically go away after Escape & Avoid.

As much as we are going through hell from what I can tell the OW is not the object of their affection. More like an object to be used for whatever they want to use it for and the object's own feelings be damned.

Yes. But the OW/Om is also using the MLCer for their own purposes. The OW/Om is simply the one person (or people, for those with multiple lienators) who was (were) willing to get along the MLCer. It could had been anyone, providing they were up to it,

What really matters is that you are happy with you choice and you learn from MLC

If MLCers are happy with their choices, why do they soon look miserable? Why are they angry, depressed, bitter? If they were happy with their choices, they would not be that way, would they? And I am still to see what has a MLCer learned from MLC. As for learning, I don't know what peope that have had a MLC have learned. While deep in crisis they don't seem to learn much.

Personal happiness at the expense of causing pain to others is not happiness. It is just being selfish.

But this thread is about Limbo & Awakening, not about MLCers happiness.

[OldPilot]

The first three stages are suppose to be running away stages and the last three are suppose to be returning.

ON HS we only have 4 stages, OP. :

From RCR MLC stages:

Pre-Midlife: Accommodation
1. Separation
   a.Rejection & Refusal
   b.Resentment
   c.Escape & Avoid (Covert Depression)
   High-Energy: Reply
   OR
   Low-Energy: Wallow
2, Liminality or Liminal/Overt Depression
3. Rebirth
4. Reintegration


HB has six:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Replay
4. Depression
5. Withdrawal
6. Acceptance.

RCR does not count denial, anger, depression and withdrawal as stages, since those things, expecially the first three, are present during the whole of her first stage, Separation, that includes Escape & Avoid. Withdrawal can also be present at several stages. And deprssion, denial and anger do not automatically go away after Escape & Avoid.

Actually neither RCR or HB invented these stages.
Conway was the first to write about the 6 stages of a MLC
and RCR uses Murray Stein's interpretation.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4.msg271#msg271

[Anjae]

Actually neither RCR or HB invented these stages.
Conway was the first to write about the 6 stages of a MLC
and RCR uses Murray Stein's interpretation.

Indeed.

Personally, I prefer RCR ones. They make more sense in the context of MLC.

This link may be easier, since it only has RCR MLC stages: 

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_stages.html - The Stages of Midlife Crisis

[Albatross]

In REPLAY threads I wrote that replay in my opinion belong to liminality based on Murray Stein's interpretation.And RCR have different opinion. I would like to argue about that if I have possibility.

[Anjae]

Yes, you can, Albatross.

My suggestion would be for you to start a discussion thread on the matter.

These green icons threads with the several types of MLCer and MLC stages are more informative, and for people to post questions about each of the issues than for a more specific discussion.