Author Topic: My Story Insert Clever Title here....  (Read 3376 times)

Offline Schratz66Topic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #130 on: November 27, 2019, 06:06:30 PM »
Not the best couple of days. Grand rat Rita passed away yesterday and D found out that she missed the National teaching exam by one point.
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #131 on: November 27, 2019, 09:52:33 PM »
Aw S, I'm so sorry to hear that.

RIP Rita.

S when can your D be able to take the test again?  Is there like a waiting period to redo the test?
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #132 on: November 29, 2019, 04:53:12 AM »
Oh no (to both things)!

I hope that D doesn't have to wait long to retake the test. One point has to be as frustrating as all get out...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Schratz66Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #133 on: December 02, 2019, 11:15:52 AM »
The good news is that after some research in what can be done about missing that exam by one single point, D can resubmit any of the four research tasks she submitted by the middle of December and they will regrade those to see if she can match that one point. Of course, there is an additional review fee to the already $ 350.00 exam fee, but that's okay.

I mean - one point.... I have to say D took it better than I.....

Needless to say Thanksgiving was a tad muted at my house, but D and I still managed to get some laughs in. We cooked the turkey and baked some cookies and played board games all day after finishing our 5k Turkey Trot Event.

Not unexpectedly I had been rehashing everything since the drinks with MLC over and over and over again and I finally realized that I just keep breaking my own heart over. By what ? By what exactly I am not supposed to have....Expectations....hoping that he will see the light......Expectations...that he actually meant that he wants me in his life.......
So, to stop all this craziness my new mantra to say to myself when my thoughts drift towards MLC is: "Salt - Wound - Pain" - because that is what I am doing by rehashing everything a million times.

A wound cannot heal if I keep pouring Salt in it and expect a different outcome than more pain.

Hoping this will keep me a tad saner for the next few months than I have been. Next 5k coming up this weekend and I kind of like this new active me :)

Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #134 on: December 03, 2019, 01:00:47 AM »
A wound cannot heal if I keep pouring Salt in it and expect a different outcome than more pain.

And the light dawned in the East....

Yes, this is exactly it. As long as the LBS is busy looking at their belly button or focusing on the Mid-Lifer, their life is not going to get better.... Being active and loosing the expectation that what comes out of a a Mid-Lifers mouth has any sort of validity to it are positive steps int he right direction....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Treasur

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #135 on: December 03, 2019, 01:25:32 AM »
Imho it is a very healthy stage to reach when we choose to move away from things that we know from repeated experience cause us pain or confusion. Salt-wound-pain indeed. Good call, 66. I suspect that you will find your perspective shifts as you do more of this. That you will be less concerned about what he thinks of you or how to act around him, and more aware that he is not worth much of your time or energy bc he is no longer worthy of it as he is.

Awestruck by the combo of a 5k trot plus a thanksgiving dinner  :)

Great news about your daughter's exam too...hopefully that 1 point will turn out to be nothing more than a blip on her path.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2019, 01:30:56 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Maleficent

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #136 on: December 03, 2019, 06:02:11 AM »
Schratz, So sorry about Rita R and your daughter's exam. Love that she is resourceful (must get it from you) and found a new solution.

Sad, but understand about breaking your own heart over and over. It is hard when we have these little glimpses. But we bounce, right? Actually, you do more than bounce, you ride bikes and you run. Am impressed by your Turket trot. Onto the next race!
BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

Offline FearNot

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #137 on: December 03, 2019, 10:27:30 AM »
Sorry to hear about Rita and that's great news about your daughters exam! Praying it goes in her favor.

Sounds like you have put another piece of the puzzle together S66! And you go girl! I am totally impressed by the active S66. She's kicking ass!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #138 on: December 03, 2019, 10:37:15 AM »
Missed by 1 point???? Well I am happy they will do a review then.

I so understand about the salt-wound-pain thing too. My MLCer loves to keep me dangling. But I think I have finally gotten to a point where I know he is just lost. It is sad for him but honestly the less contact I have with him the better I feel. Although honestly it is probably a giant relief to him that I've gone pretty dim lately. And even though mine is way less contact than ever, he still clings. And the moment he thinks I am moving on at all, he will through the net out.  And I have fallen for it every time. But no more. we can be kind, and dark at the same time. They need to heal all on their own. We wouldn't want them back in their present state right? Nor would we want the "man" who has to be instructed as to what steps to take next. Like Acorn has said over and over, it is about reaching that level of emotional maturity. Mostly for the MLCer....but maybe a little for us too.

Your Thanksgiving sounds wonderful!


Awestruck by the combo of a 5k trot plus a thanksgiving dinner  :)


Me too!
 
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Schratz66Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Insert Clever Title here....
« Reply #139 on: December 04, 2019, 11:01:04 AM »
Thank you all for your kind words.....
Would like feedback on something somebody said to me yesterday...
They asked: Have you used the words "I want you to come back H"

No, I have not - I never wanted this and I told him when he left that I love him and always would and over the last year in some of the contacts I made sure he knew (unless he's a complete knucklehead) but, I never used those exact words.....
My question to you....should I ?

My thoughts on it is no...because it would seem like pressuring him - it would seem like I am begging and I really want him to make that realization on his own ...but then that little devil speaks and says, what if he doesn't know that's what you want ?

Just could use some feedback to get that little devil out of my ear and thoughts
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

 

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