Author Topic: My Story My former spouse just said "he's happy"  (Read 2764 times)

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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My Story Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2019, 11:48:51 AM »
Hello,

I read your thread and it is sad when a father loses his moral compass. Just be advised that our MLCers are driven by emotion and they do what feels right at the moment.

However, as the LBSer, we learn to respond and that involves thinking and being rational to the man-child. He's happy? "Congratulations and I am glad you feel that way. However, your actions towards your sons is not acceptable nor warranted. I wish you the best, and when you can act appropriately with your own children, you are more than welcome to have a relationship with them."

Boundaries... MLCer's can't live with them and LBSer's can't live without them.

(((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs))

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline 3Boys4MeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2019, 12:22:27 PM »
Thanks all, just reading the love and support you have shown me, a complete stranger, highlights how much good there is in the world. I especially want to thank PJ who PM’d me and encouraged me to post - that simple kindness means a lot when a person feels so blue.

I know 2.5 years is just the beginning, my parents went through MLC, my dad walked away, married the OW, eight years later they divorced and the reconnection process ensued - 4 years later my parents remarried and not until 4 years after that did they live together...he was out of the house for 16 years in total..  however beginning with reconnection they were together for 34 more years until my dads death. My mom said it was worth every minute of the anguish. She is my model and superhero, I wish I could learn from her now bush she has Alzheimer’s.

I will post my story over the weekend, thanks to all for following along and helping to support in this crazy saga of the MlC, LBS journey.
BD End of April 2017
Moved out - kind of, May 2017
Denied affair
Cycled hard April - Oct 2017, my son figured out affair, I confronted husband, we were going away as a family for the weekend - H monsters hard and files for a D end of Oct, 2017
D final Sept 2018
Many touch and goes
He lives in monster, kids haven’t been with him overnight since Jan 2019
Moved in with MOW, a former friend of mine, May 2019

Offline megogirl

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2019, 03:21:47 PM »
Hi 3Boys

Curious....if your parents were re-married, why did they not live together during those 4 years?

Offline 3Boys4MeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2019, 04:52:16 PM »
Hi Mego,

My dad moved to California years prior to work on my Uncle’s business and my mom was a small business owner a few states away, while reconciling and through those first four years of remarriage, my mom hired a woman who helped run the business so she would commute to see my dad a Couple times a month

3Boys
BD End of April 2017
Moved out - kind of, May 2017
Denied affair
Cycled hard April - Oct 2017, my son figured out affair, I confronted husband, we were going away as a family for the weekend - H monsters hard and files for a D end of Oct, 2017
D final Sept 2018
Many touch and goes
He lives in monster, kids haven’t been with him overnight since Jan 2019
Moved in with MOW, a former friend of mine, May 2019

Offline megogirl

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2019, 05:10:08 PM »
OK, do during those four years they were actually reconciling, not married?

Cos that makes more sense then.  At this point, I can not even imagine a reconciliation (although I absolutely believe their faux-"marriage" is a total sham.)

My thoughts have run the gamut.  Like, have I reverted back to how I felt when I'd first met him?  (Which was, please GTF away from me).  Or would I fall in love with him all over again?  Idk and perhaps I won't care, should that opportunity ever present itself.

But it's stories like your parents' that give me hope.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2019, 05:11:13 PM by megogirl »

Offline Anjae

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2019, 05:43:52 PM »
I know 2.5 years is just the beginning, my parents went through MLC, my dad walked away, married the OW, eight years later they divorced and the reconnection process ensued - 4 years later my parents remarried and not until 4 years after that did they live together...he was out of the house for 16 years in total..  however beginning with reconnection they were together for 34 more years until my dads death. My mom said it was worth every minute of the anguish. She is my model and superhero, I wish I could learn from her now bush she has Alzheimer’s.


What a story!

Sorry to hear your mother has Alzheimer's.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Online Limboland2018

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2019, 10:49:49 PM »
Just to let you know my experience. Once I found out about the other woman, his engagement 😝🥴😚 and then his move to another country leaving me, his 3 year old daughter and 2 dogs he told me he had no problems sleeping. That he loved other things now. Now, he’s told me it was all lies. That when he flew out of the country he cried for two hours. (He didn’t get any sympathy from me) He has admitted he drinks and has an alcohol problem to escape. He takes a lot prescription medication too. He’s gone into treatment as he’s not happy. He threw away everything to be with his woman but she has not fixed him either. It’s not normal to discard your child and children. And if he’s happy about it and can sleep well then he’s a psychopath.
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2018 moves out
November 2018 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2018 - meeting up with her for holiday
BD3 - engaged to OW December 21, 2018
BD 4 - tells me he is moving back to home country on January 27, 2019. Gives me 5 days notice. His flight date is February 1, 2019.

I just want the money and him out of my life!

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #17 on: September 21, 2019, 08:43:43 PM »
Mine also claimed happiness, and a month later said he is more broken than ever.  The replay makes them feel exhilarated in that moment.

Your mom is quite the women!
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 39

BD1-April 2018-Unrecognized by me until way later, he is unhappy, wants counseling.
BD2-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), Unsure if he and OW2(PA) are still together?
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Offline Nerissa

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #18 on: September 22, 2019, 02:41:37 AM »
Mine also claimed happiness, and a month later said he is more broken than ever.  The replay makes them feel exhilarated in the moment

I’m thinking it isnt just the exhilaration.  I think it’s a degree of sadistic delight in hurting us and witnessing our distress which brings up
Something in them - a mirror of their own distress?  A feeling of superiority?  Power?  The pleasure of playing with our feelings?

Whatever, the impulse is not nice.  It’s immature and unhealthy and cruel.  Bear that in mind before engaging again and ask whether you want this in your life.  It will continue while
You let it i think, and until he bottoms out at least and maybe it is just a part of him previously hidden.

Offline Schratz66

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Re: My former spouse just said "he's happy"
« Reply #19 on: September 23, 2019, 05:49:23 AM »
Very interested to hear your parents story.
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away - not sure if she is still in the picture

 

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