Hmmm, I believe UM and Treasur you are correct. I have another email this morning that I am choosing not to open yet. I monkey brain, feel sick to my stomach etc at the repeated contacts. Dark feels so much better, for me, not as a punishment to him or to create a specific result. I can not resolve his problems with our boys, nor can I make him do anything. His life, his choices. UM, yesterday I finally understood, as long as he is with OW, he has no place in my life at all.
I have tried to continue to be a soft place for him and to help him repair his relationship with the boys, and the boys (all 3) and I are withdrawn, depressed and battered as a result. Wanting to love someone and reach out when they continue to treat us like garbage only draws out the rejection we feel.
It’s long overdue. Time to totally drop the rope, detach and actively pursue our own healing. 2.5 years in, leave him be. Treasur I just read something you wrote about owning your healing on the menopause thread - I haven’t been owning my healing. Even though I have PTSD, it’s still entirely my choice when I don’t answer that ringing phone, make good self-care choices, and complete tasks that directly impact my and my boys future. Enough of the wallowing, the escape, the denial. Time to rejoin the world...