Author Topic: My Story He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage  (Read 1765 times)

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« on: September 20, 2019, 04:05:03 AM »
Quite a good time for a new thread...

Here’s the old thread:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10870.0


MLC History
2014 - H’s MLC began
2015 - H started making changes to his and our lives, possible denial phase
2016 - BD1 and terrible year of anger and beginning of depression from H
2017 - BD2 I find out about MOW.  H still with much anger and depression and withdrawal moved out to stay with his parents. MOW wants to work at her marriage which is ‘lucky
2018 - H in withdrawal but decent towards me so I have a bit of ‘hope
2019 - Keeping my ‘patience’ as H seems to be around less but seems to be better when he is around, and I am working towards this not affecting my precious ‘happiness’.
Sept 2019 - BD3 Being ‘strong’ has helped me after learning H has OW2, a young 30 year old and he thinks it’s no big deal as he left us 2 years ago so assume she also thinks it’s ok


I do love having my theme words for each new thread but put pressure on myself to get the right word each time! I rule out anything negative and want it to mean something for that time. I struggled this time as my thread finished quite quickly and I should have more on my mind than getting the right word but I am there- courage.

I’m going to need it.

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2019, 04:19:04 AM »
You could have had "Anticipation" too since you closed your thread before I could come along with a GIF of a police car.... <snort>
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2019, 04:26:26 AM »
You could have had "Anticipation" too since you closed your thread before I could come along with a GIF of a police car.... <snort>

Ha ha, the thought of that makes me panic! Dont like getting told off as feel like i’ve Had a fail for the day! Not today though!

I would like a brown lion from wizard of Oz to go with my courage theme though if that helps?!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2019, 04:31:07 AM »
You could have had "Anticipation" too since you closed your thread before I could come along with a GIF of a police car.... <snort>

Ha ha, the thought of that makes me panic! Dont like getting told off as feel like i’ve Had a fail for the day! Not today though!

I would like a brown lion from wizard of Oz to go with my courage theme though if that helps?!

Rose 🌹

Here you go....

Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2019, 04:35:28 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Rose.

My dear this man is still cooking, no need wasting time watching the oven.

"Courage" I like that.  ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Helpingme!

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2019, 05:17:03 AM »
Following along Rose. I agree . Don't let this bring you backwards. Keep moving.
I know it's hard, but try and see it as H crisis is still going on. Nothing changed. He may fall back, but not you. You have worked too hard.

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2019, 05:53:41 AM »
Yes he is still in crisis and it’s going to be for a good while. However it changes things for me. Coming on here it seems obvious that he’s following the ‘script’ but when I was chatting with him it was more like reality where he now has a gf who he has been on vacation with and sees a lot as is always at choir things. She doesnt seem to have any ties so I can only assume they will continue for a while. Either way i’m Not keeping this secret again as I need to live in that real world. In my heart I understand he’s moving through and do think he will regret all of this and that he’s making bad choices but maybe he’ll never get to that point or if so it could be another5-10 years.

If I could somehow keep this house for the next 5 years, i’d Be happy with that and see what I want to do after that as the children will be older (10 years would be better but 5 would do).

He’s a laughing stock really and i’ve tried long enough to hide it from family and friends. I’m not Going to label myself as ‘standing’ or not. I’m probably like PJ, an iffer. This changes things hugely for me but I still understand it’s a dis-ease, to be expected and that chances are one day he will recover. I still don’t hate him much or have anger but I don’t respect him and if we didn’t have children I would probably never see him again.

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Acorn

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2019, 06:30:17 AM »
Attaching, Rose!
“Courage’.  I like it a lot.  Because it’s the fuel for your patience and strength. 
((((((HUGS)))))
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2019, 07:17:07 AM »
Has anyone seen this film? ‘Touching the void’?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t65VrYZ2U9s

Without giving it all away there’s a part where the guy says he had to either sit there and have certain death on the mountain or climb down into a black hole and maybe die or maybe not die. It took courage to climb down. As LBS we sometimes need that courage too.

It’s a film I watched years and years ago and never forgot it. This year S was writing something for school and it reminded me of this film and so I looked it up and we watched it again. Its in my heart now as it’s such an incredible film.  Now that I think about it the second half of the film could be compared to the LBS journey. You’ll know what I mean if you have watched it. If not I do recommend it. A snail doing a marathon has nothing on this.

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2019, 07:56:24 AM »
Following along Rose. You've come a long way, even if your H hasn't.

Welcome to the Iffer club.

Courage - I like your new theme. You are a lioness, Rose!
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

 

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