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Author Topic: My Story He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage

M
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My Story He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#120: July 26, 2020, 09:50:03 AM
Hello Rose, it's good to hear from you.
Agree with PJ - March seems a long time ago.
Your H is a piece of work right now isn't he? I'm sorry your WA passed him by. Probably didn't. I wonder if his communication then was linked to the date somehow...in a weird MLC way. He knows he can't say anything about the date but I bet you were on his mind. Still unacceptable. It's not fair on any of you.
His going off like that after being such a clinger is a sort of movement though - the only way is through it they say.
Hugs Rose. Big hugs.
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Me: 51
H: 51
Adult S & D
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [worked away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away.

s
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He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#121: July 27, 2020, 02:24:43 AM
I agree with music. I think he wanted to contact you on your WA date but didn’t know what to say ir do so he did the basic thing.

I feel for your D. To know her dad isn’t making the effort with her but still calls her brother must be so hard but shows how messed up he is “I’ll keep trying” whilst doing absolutely nothing. Logical.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#122: August 15, 2020, 05:17:01 AM
PJ - yes real shame for these cheaters!

Music - didn't think about me being on his mind on our WA.  Thanks

Sachat - logical ha ha yes!

We have now seen H.
The children had a reason to see MIL and so I needed to take them.  D refused as didn't want to see H.  So S and I went there and took P too.  MIL invited us in and I said I needed to go to the supermarket so S and P would just go in.  H was also there at the door and invited me in but I refused, nicely.  I went to the supermarket as that was true and I then popped home to see D.  I told her H was there but it would be ok and tried to bribe her to go but she was 100% sure and wouldnt go.  I tried and told her it was her decision I was just making sure she was sure. 

I went back after around an hour to collect  S and P. I had decided I would go in this time if they asked as wanted to be nice.  They did ask so I went in and it was quite 'normal' and I stayed for an hour too.

H seemed no different.  He was joking with S about me and it was all very nice.  There was a car parked outside.  When we left H said it was his.  He had bought it that week (so he says).  He started talking about the family car and that I could sell it if I wanted and get something I like better.  This is a car he loved so he doesnt seem to have any reconnection with that at all.  I made sure not to get too into the conversation as was aware if I hadnt been there I would still not know about this car he has bought so I wanted out of there.  I didnt linger and let him drag me back in/down.

S, P and I literally ran/jogged up to our car and left. S thought it was strange that H has bought a car, what must S think.

H called S the next day about school and S thought H was disappointed with him but I told him H has no idea about how things are here, S gets that so didnt worry too much about him.

H also texted D wishing her well the week after but she didnt reply.  It showed me that H knew what she was doing so is thinking about her.  MIL also texted D and D said 'thats because I didnt answer to H'.  She gets it, they dont!

I spoke with a friend this week.  We talked about H a little.  I said to her that someone we know is in a similar position. 

Its a mom, she has walked away from her only son and left him with a 'controlling' husband.  Also her beloved dogs, she has left them too.  Seeing this happen helps me see my situation clearer again.  She is a Mom who was a stay at home whose life revolved around her only son and dogs.  I know nothing of her marriage but I believe it was an unhappy one.  Within the last 2 years she has moved out, and in with a young man in an apartment in the centre of town.  She wouldnt see her young teenage son as was done with them all.  She has now split up with this man and has someone else.  She has signed custody away for her son.  The friend I chatted with on the phone couldnt believe it all and said she has tried to help her, talked to her and cant understand her.  Hopefully I helped a little as I completely get it.  It also shows me this is nothing to do with the marriage.  Seemingly she was in an unhappy one and I think this is true, but it makes no difference.  Its about her.  she is the last person to leave her son and dogs.  It was only 2 years ago she was talking to me about her son as normal and he was her world. Now she has signed him away to a 'controlling' husband.  its just so obvious that she has issues, that this is the wrong way to deal with them and the confusion of the friend I was chatting with was understandable.

Her poor son.  How can this not affect him as an adult.

Its so important us left behind stay away from this craziness and keep our children as protected as possible.

As for my situation, I am just hoping H's new purchase (car) will keep him happy enough for the next few months and let us carry on as we are.

Rose
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

M
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He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#123: August 16, 2020, 01:13:55 AM
Well done you, Rose for handling that visit so calmly. I feel for your D if she doesn't want to see her Dad. Look at how much he's missing. He may not acknowledge it now, but he will. He will come to regret ALL of this.
Your Mom friend sounds like she's a mess, doesn't she? Another sad story. How tough on her S.
You though, sound...well...like you're coping and getting on with it. Must be so tough when you see things like the new car. I remember my H showing up in new clothes and I monkey brained all over that...so a car. Yup.
Big ((((((HUGS)))))) as always.
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Me: 51
H: 51
Adult S & D
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [worked away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away.

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He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#124: August 16, 2020, 04:04:24 AM
Thanks Music.

Obviously during lockdown he was unable to keep busy and distract reality like he was. He could have used the time to look inside himself, maybe he did. He probably spent the entire time distracting himself with looking on-line at cars and they buying one.

He said he didn’t want to use public transport like he was which makes sense I suppose.

Anyway for now he seems no different.

The car he bought was the one S has always said he wanted as his first car...

Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

H
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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#125: August 16, 2020, 12:03:17 PM
You sound good Rose.

Your so right about us that we need to stay away from the craziness.  Good Lord our kids need that.
The lady you mentioned?? No doubt she sounds so confused.  And Yes, it will be hard on her son to get through it.
I didn't realize it had been that long since you had seen your H. But.you definitely handled that visit well. I had to smile a little as you said y'all were jogging to the car.

I hate that your H hasnt changed much. It seems during this erra we are in ???? We have tons of.time to think. Hell you would think the MLCers would get all their thinking done faster. But , I guess not. Even the evil virus can't speed the slow ass MLCer up any.

Good to hear from you Rose. Keep on being the good momma you always have and keep on going. Have a good one Rose.

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M
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He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#126: August 16, 2020, 12:42:27 PM
Hi Rose,  You handled that sighting so well-particularly after all that time.  Funny how these encounters all seem "normal" but they are not normal meetings, are they.  Glad you are able to push away from the crazy and start to heal. 
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BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

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He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#127: August 22, 2020, 03:56:33 AM
Thanks Help and Mal.  Its so lovely to have you in my world.

I've had a harder week.

S has a 'smart speaker' in his room.  It was flashing and I asked him why, he didn't know so I pressed a button and it said out loud 'H your travel itinerary will be delivered today'.  It must be linked up to H's account and neither of us appreciated that.  S was ok and I felt like someone had reached inside and grabbed my inner peace.

I kept S chatting and realised he was completely fine about it, probaby didnt care too much.  I went around the house and looked up what it had said about his itinerary and realised it was a road trip a few hours away.  New car, makes sense. 

It was horrible to think I could be reached like that in the 'safety' of my S's room with just he and I there but MLC can reach where you wouldnt believe.

A few days later S said he had messaged H asking him if he wanted to watch a film together the next week and H hadnt replied but had read all 3 messages.  I guessed H would be on his trip and so couldnt go so avoided replying. I said to S maybe he was busy with work and lets see what happens.  S said he didnt really care and could watch it alone and was fairly happy with that.

A couple of days later S said he had spoken with H for 20 mins on phone.  I asked what they talked about and he said school. I asked if he mentioned the missed messages and he said no.  Then he said he had talked about the film (he had split this into 1) no reply to messages 2) watching the film whereas I had lumped them both together).  S said H couldnt watch the film as was going away on a road trip with 'OW2'.  I think my eyes went as wide as saucers when he said that.  He said her actual name.  D was also sitting there.  I said 'oh he said that' (S hadnt linked the message on the smart speaker with this info) and S said yes and that he didnt care he would watch it alone. I felt like I had been hit by a truck again.  H was talking about going away like it was no problem at all to any of us. S seemed ok and D was too.  So I played it cool too not really mentioning it but unable to hide my initial reaction.

S hugged me later.  I think that was why.  It was just before bed and I knew it would affect my sleep.  I have been having nightmares recently.  Not every night but they are just so unwelcome! I didnt sleep much and all the next day I thought about it.  Mainly about how happy they must be etc and that I need to realise this is happening.

It took around 24 hours for me to 'get over' it and get back to reality.  He has not asked the children to go on a road trip.  He is in a car I checked on google that  was listed as number one when I typed in 'what kind of car does someone buy in mid life crisis'.  He has left the family, he has a 32 yo girlfriend, wears a leather jacket, is almost 50 and not seen the children for around 5 months (except when I took S round).  Its not me that needs to realise this is happening, its him who does. 

Anyway I feel on track again thankfully and I knew the peace I had during lockdown would not last when things started happening again.  S said H will watch film with him when he gets back from trip.  We'll see what happens.

This 'courage' thread has been going on for almost a year.  Thanks for being there, I'd be lost without being able to come here.

Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

M
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Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#128: August 22, 2020, 04:13:21 PM
Rose, I'm sorry you had to hear this information about your H and OW's road trip. I know that any information where my H and OW were together really hurt me. You are a very good mother to have hidden your pain from your kids. What I would tell myself in these circumstances was that if my H was still seeing OW, then he was doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing with her and that included dinners out, gifts, holidays, etc. Just that knowing the details really hurts. I did tell my kids that I didn't want to know and not to tell me.

Glad you came here to get it out of your system. Your H is still in Replay so nothing he does really matters. But your S is a lovely, caring boy who loves you very much.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

M
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He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
#129: August 23, 2020, 12:40:29 AM
So sorry you were hurt (again) like that Rose. I too have found out about trips H took with OW by accident (once when we had a minor emergency that I needed to speak to him about and when I called, got the international ringing tone which told me he was abroad. Cue that sinking stomach feeling).
You handled it so well with your kids. HUGE kudos to you. Bravo.
It's another insight into the OW thought process. I'd be wondering why he hasn't seen his kids in 5 months if it were me. Why there were no stories about things they do together etc. If he's lying to her about contact with them, that's a terrible foundation for a relationship. If she's turning a blind eye or not bothered, what does that say about her? He's building a relationship based on being someone he isn't. It will unravel.
Thank goodness he's not around I say...so you can get on with your lovely kids and p and let him live with his own poor choices and the consequences of those.
Hold your head up Rose. You are one strong, class act and deserve better than this leather clad, lying abandoner that your H has turned into.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
  • Logged
Me: 51
H: 51
Adult S & D
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [worked away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away.

 

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