Author Topic: My Story He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage  (Read 1788 times)

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8833
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2019, 03:48:41 AM »
Always here, Rose  :)

If it helps, acknowledge that this is a different kind of BD and that your head will be spinning and cycling. Normal. Sucks but normal. Safety matters.....so anything you can do that makes you feel safer as a person...emotionally, mentally, physically...will probably help right now. Getting legal info is about that. Maybe spending time with the right people is about that. We are hopefully part of that. Small things can work just as well as big things.

But we're here x
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2621
  • Gender: Female
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2019, 05:14:55 AM »
Sorry to catch up and find out he has run off down the tunnel with a new OW. :(

Sending you a virtual hug.
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Helpingme!

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2357
  • Gender: Male
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2019, 05:18:47 AM »
Yep!! We will be here Rose.
Please take some time for yourself. Just try and relax.

Offline Acorn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3113
  • Gender: Female
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2019, 05:35:09 AM »
I’m here, too, Rose. 
It is turbulent times for you but it shall pass.  I promise.

As for your H using the word ‘we’ when talking about the lack of communication, blah, blah, it is MLC Projecting 101 as you are very well aware.  What he thinks of himself must be true for LBS as well.  ::) Basically, there is no point in engaging in a debate/correction with him, the MLCer. 

It is also MLCer Blaming 101.  Blame the circumstances - it’s beside the point whether it is true or not - for his actions. 

If it’s any comfort, my H said the exact thing.  Apparently, we didn’t communicate well enough.  I told him, ‘please do not speak for me.  Leave ‘we’ out of it.’ 

(((((((HUGS)))))))), my dear Courageous Rose. 
« Last Edit: September 23, 2019, 05:37:20 AM by Acorn »
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1096
  • Gender: Female
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2019, 05:36:54 AM »
Mort, I love hugs and appreciate that a lot!

Treasur, you are most definitely part of the right people. Can’t imagine not having here. Goodness.

Help, yes back to surviving the day here.


Hoping to apply for a job or two today to try and help money wise. I have my business going on but reluctant to make a bad impression on anyone in this frame of mind so not pushing that for now. I was thinking though if I had a job, I may be off sick right now.  Not able to function properly in a job I knew with people I knew. But i’m In the opposite position trying to impress someone enough to give me a job so I can, feeling like this, go to a job I don’t know with people I dont know. Feeling like this, did I say that already?!

Luckily I have my courage to hand!
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Online RosetintedglassesTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1096
  • Gender: Female
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #25 on: September 23, 2019, 05:50:44 AM »
Acorn, always love your input. My mind is squishy so can you help explain further with
 
What he thinks of himself must be true for LBS as well.

It is also MLCer Blaming 101.  Blame the circumstances - it’s beside the point whether it is true or not - for his actions.

Sorry to be so demanding!

Rose 🌹

P.S yes that was a comfort. 🤗
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Acorn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3113
  • Gender: Female
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2019, 06:07:23 AM »
As is with MLCer in the throes of his crisis, blaming ‘not much communication’ - HIS perception - is to be expected.  This is not just with MLCers but with any emotionally immature people, I would say.

Even if the situation (‘not much communication’) were true, he cannot blame that for his actions such as leaving his family, living like a bachelor, being egocentric, etc.  That is avoiding his personal responsibility.  In simpler terms, it’s all BS.

Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Helpingme!

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2357
  • Gender: Male
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2019, 08:10:25 AM »
AMEN!!! Acorn

Offline Cherry Blossom

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 50
  • Gender: Female
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2019, 10:09:53 AM »
Well put Acorn!  It is MLC-Script.  They seem to know somewhere deep down what the issue is but of course they cannot handle taking responsibility for that.

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time Rose (within the awful thing that is dealing with an MLC-er).  Sending a virtual hug your way too.  It really is a rollercoaster isn't it?
M: 49
W: 40
Married 1 year together 3.5 years
No kids but we have dogs
BD: 7th September 2019 (although lots of signs for previous 4 months)
EA with old school friend who appears to also be going through MLC for at least 4 months and I think OW since at least August
I have a wealth of experience of MLC (which I'd rather not have) - my previous long-term R (17 years, including 6 months of marriage) ended in D in July 2015 because I wanted to end it as it was an abusive R

Offline Music45

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 307
  • Gender: Female
Re: He’s having a mlc 7 - Courage
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2019, 10:58:35 PM »
Big BIG ((((((HUGS))))))
Here with you.
He's still trying to hold back that dam and thinks he's found a new way to hold it up. He hasn't has he?
Do you think he's cake eating a bit? Nice conversations with his wife, Dad of the year [he thinks] to his children. Does he need to feel the consequences of his actions a bit more?
I wouldn't put much worth in his words, Rose. They're only valuable at the moment he says them and, if you're like me, you'll be thinking about them long after he's forgotten what he said and changed his mind. Again.

More ((((((HUGS))))))
Me: 51
H: 51
Adult S & D
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [works away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.