Author Topic: My Story Beauty into Beast 15  (Read 2569 times)

Offline heroIam

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My Story Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2019, 07:07:23 AM »
I've just read through your latest post.  Of course, I will say you have to do what you feel will be the best for you and your kids.  You know you and you know your kids.  Everyone's case is so different yet the same.

Yes, this hideous scar will always be with us.  That is for sure.  But I do also believe there is a place within ourselves that has to move forward with the marriage if that is what we choose.  Scar will be there no doubt, however, it will be ultimately about what is within us that allows the scab to remain or choose to totally pull the scab off.  Should my H return, for our relationship to work many things need to happen on his part, and on mine.  For me and my part, my choice is that the scab will have to come off and allow and commit to having the healing begin.  Not sure i'm making sense, but I believe it is all about what we want, what we choose and how we choose, what we are willing to do - and the committing to that choice, and not wavering.   I don't think it's possible to do this in some or most cases and I do think time helps us get to this crossroads point of choice.  I don't have kids and don't begin to know what it's like having this happen with children involved.

It is possible to move forward with our H's should they choose to return.  I do believe that.  And that will take time and commitment on both parts. And this may not be for everyone.  I have to say, through all of this, I did learn something very important.  Nothing is in my control, and there are no guarantees in life.  And, I'm learning every day to let things roll off my shoulder in every part of my life, not just with H.

From what I learned about you and your situation while in beautiful Tuscany, I saw a very strong, beautiful, intelligent, and very funny woman.  I have no doubt your decision will be the best for your circumstance.  I support you Morte on whatever you decide.  Lots of love and hugs your way.  :)

 
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Online Sam I Am

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2019, 07:50:40 AM »
Morte - As long as you do what is best for you and your children....then no one anywhere can fault you ever! 

I respect whatever decision you make for yourself.  After all...isn't that part of our learning and growing. 

I envision you as a spitfire and believe all will be well with you no matter what!

Look forward to hearing about your new adventures!   
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs (he left them all behind - taking care of them but not really visiting or interacting with them yet)

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2019, 08:37:38 AM »
Following along

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2019, 09:30:14 AM »
Morte--It's only been a few days since we left Italy and I already miss you! You have such great spirit and are wise beyond your years. More wise than many people I know, including myself. Everything you wrote so resonates with me. I totally get it. And ultimately it is your decision right? You are free to make that decision, and free to change your mind at any time as well. No one would ever judge that--and if they did I would have to wonder why. Probably more about their own issues than yours.

And I know the high of an amazing vacation, and talks with "our people" can take us to a whole new level of understanding. So comforting and of course we gain that elusive confidence that was so cruelly robbed from us at BD. I've been exactly where you are now. Ready to move forward with my D. Ready to embrace MY new life and finally kick that abusive MLCer to the curb. Take back my power and find someone who truly loves me the way I know I deserve to be loved. Nothing wrong with that for sure.  Except, I have a son so really, do I have time for that? Hmmmmm. Maybe. But he doesn't really have a father so my time commitment to him is even greater. OK, I thought, I'll decide on this whole MLCer later. And sure enough, my own thoughts and decisions shifted a bit. No harm done. I am so happy the trip was great for you. It was for me too. I would never be so bold as to tell you what to do b/c who am I to ever do that? What do I know? But sometimes, it is best to let things rest for a bit before committing to anything. Hey, maybe you already have. Like I said, no one can make this decision but you.     

Eh, I guess really what I wanted to say is that you a beautiful (inside and out), strong, intelligent, wise and kind-hearted soul. Keep going forward. Maybe Beast will catch up. Maybe not. And who knows where this Beauty will end up then. Hugs friend.
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline beyondblessed

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2019, 06:05:56 PM »
Congratulations on taking the next step forward in making the rest of your life, the best of your life.  It isn't a decision to make lightly, and you've certainly done your due diligence.  I am proud of you.  Never think you are weak for letting go of something you loved so dearly.  Acceptance takes more faith and courage than anything else I can imagine.  They are already gone.  All that's left is to call the time of death.

Offline Anjae

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2019, 06:56:59 PM »
The scar will never go away, but it will heal and fade.

Do what is best for you and the kids.
I know my decision was not what a lot of people would choose, and not the aim of this website after all.

It is not an unusual decision and many on HS, sooner or later, go for it.

They are already gone.  All that's left is to call the time of death.

Sadly, yes.

I do not disagree with Hero that reconnection/reconciliation can happen, but I agree it may not be possible in many, if not, in most cases.

There too many things going on, there are too many variables, including how long someone will be in Replay or MLC (impossible to know until they out of either) and we only have one life.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Milly

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #16 on: September 26, 2019, 01:26:08 AM »
Dear, dear, Morte what an incredibly strong post you wrote. You could also be a writer, you know. You are everything this site is about - focusing on ourselves. You did your mirror work and have realized why you allowed yourself to dilute yourself. You know where that behaviour came from, and what it lead you to find acceptable. What a huge look at yourself you've done.

Like many of the others, I see myself in your words, but actually hadn't quite seen it as clearly until you pointed it out. I feel that your post should be up on a banner on HS. Not because of the parts about your doubts about your H, but for the parts that can show a very sad LBS that if she does the work, she will be able to pull out her great, hidden parts and live the life she was originally meant to live.

Your decision to end your stand is yours to take. I think HS is equally about standing and helping the LBS to become herself again.

You are just the cutest, sweetest, so incredibly smart (may I remind everyone she's finishing a degree in biology this year and heading on to do a masters), funny, and totally lovable woman. There's more than one unicorn out there for you if this is what you decide you want.

Big hugs and massive support for you as you face the next book.xxxxxxxxxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #17 on: September 26, 2019, 03:27:06 AM »
And, never forget that, when it all comes down to it, MLC trumps standing or whatever else we/they decide to do...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online MortesbrideTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #18 on: September 28, 2019, 05:42:10 AM »
Hey guys, I am back for replies and responses and resounding applause from my adoring fans! HA

Just kidding...

Sort of... 8)

Anyway nothing much to update in regards to MLCer. He sorta skeddaddled out of here after my Tuscany trip and I haven't seen him much since. He came over to take youngest after nursery, then seen the other kids for about half an hour...but that has been it.

Surprisingly no annoying texts or that like he was doing before my holiday. I suppose he has been over dosed by having to watch his kids for a week.. or maybe his little MLCer brain is going to explode about what I did in Tuscany with the 3 am wine cult. Who knows. ::)

But actually I am really really okay with this. I am not interested in pretending to be friends. I actually don't even think of him right now unless I come to this website. I have more important things to focus on and enjoy than whatever the lunatic is up to this week. :)

Right now I am planning a super cool weekend in the city, so that is giving me something nice to focus on and day dream about. I feel all excited like a kid at Christmas which is absolutely ridiculous. I am really looking forward to doing some new things, things I always wanted to try but was never ''allowed to'', meeting new people, and just leaving as much of this behind me as I can.

So back to the replies.

Treasur- ''Have my reflections brought me to any new steps I am ready to take?'' I suppose you are asking if I am planning to file for divorce and such? This is something I am contemplating back and forth, trying to work out what is best for me and the kids in the long time. I can't even really apply until July 2020 as that is when we are ''officially declared'' as two years separated. Those of you who read my story know about ''the date'' débâcle. ::) I will have to stick with the date I gave the officials or end up in hot water. This means it is actually nearly 3 years separated but really that is just details at this point.

Right now I have a lull in study, so since Tuscany I have been focused on getting back to eating healthy and making new friends etc. Really want to get 'out of my cage' so to speak. After that when the clock ticks closer next year, well I will be finishing up my study and I suppose looking at getting it official. Problem for another day right now.  :D

Dumbfounded- I am sorry for your tormented SIL. I can't imagine it is easy for her. I can relate a bit to that feeling of failure, but I truly believe that setting yourself free is just a different type of strength. Sometimes it is harder to let go of something you loved and take a leap into the unknown. Sometimes it is harder to face the dark whispers in your mind in the hope you can get that loved thing back. Both are very hard, both take a lot of strength. It just depends on if you are afraid to take the leap.  :)

Roo- I am sorry you are facing the dark whispers. I am not fully caught up with your story as I don't tend to spend much time here right now. Thank you very much for your compliments, and I am glad you felt a commonality in what I said.

Hero- I believe you are right that there is space for people to move forward with the marriage if that is what they choose. It takes an incredible amount of internal fortitude and forgiveness, and I deeply admire you and several other ladies who still have that. It is really nice to have support, but I guess...in the end... I am a leap taker. (What's that...I hear a shocked gasp from the crowd? Oh I know it is such a huge surprise right?! :P)

Sam- ''I envision you as a spitfire and believe all will be well with you no matter what'', well your vision is probably pretty accurate.

KIT- Ahh my lovely sister wife! Yes I suppose you are right. We never really know what is going to happen in our lives. If we didn't learn that from MLC then what have we learned right? :o Sometimes you come across the most horrific and unimaginable things, and sometimes you come across the most magnificent expected blessings. That is the point of life though, the ups and the downs. That is what makes it exciting I suppose.

As I replied to Treasur there isn't much I can really do in terms of permanent decisions at this point. So once the vacation high wears off, well I will have had plenty of time to have thought long and hard. I will not have regrets, do not worry.  :-*

Beyond- I am still planning on getting that marriage gravestone for my garden. Marriage, BD, Divorce date. Might even engrave the effigy of a Beast on it. Seems fitting.

Milly- My digital mom! Yes of course I could be a writer! I mean... I can basically do everything so..  ::) Anyway, your words were really sweet and touched me. Thank you very much.

Ursa- Eh what do you mean?! I don't need a horde of MLC Trumps hanging around bwahahaha. ;D

You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #19 on: September 28, 2019, 08:35:18 AM »
Morte-Now that is one image I would like to never see again😂😂😂
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 38
BD-October 15 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), I believe he is on to OW 2(PA)
BD 2-March 2019-He is getting an apartment

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

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