Author Topic: My Story Beauty into Beast 15  (Read 2570 times)

Online MortesbrideTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #20 on: September 30, 2019, 01:53:43 AM »
So sometimes you are going along in life...minding your own business...and you have completely forgotten about the whole MLC thing. ::)

You are smiling and happy, things are going is actually pretty firetrucking good.

And then your daughter comes in with a sad look on her face in the morning.

You ask her ''What's up buttercup?'' and she curls into you and starts to cry a little.... you ask her to tell you what is wrong and then she pulls out her phone.

At this point your gut does a little ''Oh $h!te what is gonna happen now'' type of deal.

She opens the picture of her father and he is standing next to a big white polar bear statue, quiet clearly taken at the zoo.

Oh $h!te.

She then begins the questions ''Did you take this picture? Who took this picture? Why is dad at the zoo? I don't remember any polar bears at the zoo? Did you take this picture?''.

firetruck. Red alert... red alert... danger... abort.

Do I lie to her to make her feel better? Tell her that it was an old one, that maybe I took it when we went...even though I know that is a lie? Or do I tell the truth as calmly and unbothered as possible....

Well I reckon you guys know what I chose. ;)

I simply and softly said ''No honey I didn't take this picture''.

She was a little sad, and maybe a little mad at her dad, but it looked like she was really just confirming what she already knew. I am glad I didn't lie to her.

What are my feelings on the matter?

Well I am not surprised at all. In fact when he took us to the zoo that last time ages ago I knew it was because he was frequenting it with her. So firetrucking obvious. ???

But I will not lie...

The fact he has taken his hoeworker to the zoo more times than his own kids?

Brings up those pathetic and disgusting feelings again.

You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Whyus

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #21 on: September 30, 2019, 01:57:37 AM »
Oh morte,,, so sorry for you and your D. It Strings like hell but you did the right Thing. Honesty always pays Off, even if it hurts.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018

Online Treasur

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #22 on: September 30, 2019, 02:00:30 AM » are a warm little diamond. You did the right thing bc your daughter deserves not to be gaslit by you....and in her gut, she knew you didn't take the photo or it would never have occurred to her to ask. You just treated your small person with respect and love by telling her the factual truth without embroidery. What a fantastic thing to do as a mother and human.

And Beast? Well, you knew anyway right? Just like your daughter knows really. And yes, it is difficult to respect him as a parent right now or excuse his thoughtlessness in sending the picture....hey look how much fun daddy is having without you at one of our special places...SMH  ::)But you know that too don't you? So actually nothing changed except you treating your daughter with the loving respect she deserves. Which is a win for you both.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2019, 02:01:59 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #23 on: September 30, 2019, 04:17:58 AM »

I simply and softly said ''No honey I didn't take this picture''.

You told her the truth without making a statement against her father. Nice! Too often we take the opportunity to make it a play against our MLCer and you did a great job of not telling her a lie nor making a case against Beast. That was great.

So sad that they don't realize the feelings of their own children when they are off and about "finding themselves".

Good thing your little ones have such a great mother.

((((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs)))

"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline Airmid

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #24 on: September 30, 2019, 07:47:47 AM »
Good response Morte.

Many years ago I worked in a busy NYC hospital in the pediatric ward.
We were trained very carefully not to lie or disguise the truth with children.
They are more aware than we usually give them credit.

Children know the truth - and often acknowledge it before their parents do.
When the parents tried to soften the reality - after the family would leave - 
the child would sometimes confide in me what they knew as the truth. 
Often they felt responsible to hide their own feelings or thoughts to protect the parent because they knew the parent was not speaking the frank truth.

Your approach is so much better.
You taught your daughter than she can expect an honest answer from you - and not have to hold information in order not to hurt you.
In other words - you are trustworthy.

Offline Couragedearheart

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #25 on: September 30, 2019, 07:55:30 AM »
Airmid &Morte

I’m going to piggyback on what Airmid said, you didn’t just teach her that you are trustworthy, but that she and her gut instinct is too. Hurt is painful, pretending it’s not just means we have to hide and bury it.
You are a safe place for her feelings and emotions, I believe that if anything will break the cycle of MLC and not pass it on.

You are an amazing mom, it’s difficult to watch our kids hurt. Hugs to you.
Me 36
H 36
EA discovered 5/31/2019
BD May 31 2019
EA ongoing? 🤷‍♀️ (Who knows?)
“God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of his.” C.S. Lewis

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #26 on: September 30, 2019, 09:44:17 AM »
OMG--what a total A$$hat! I'm sorry, but these guys are just idiots. Really, the freaken zoo? Without your kids? Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. Grow the F up Mr. Beast.

Well, I am not at all surprised you handled that so well Morte. Your D knows she can always rely on mama Bear. And her little heart was hurting bc dad is an idiot presently. But you told her the truth in the most selfless, loving and kind way a person could have. You are amazing.

Hugs to you and D. Your littles are so blessed to have you as their Mama.
Me 48
H 47
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Milly

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #27 on: October 01, 2019, 02:28:24 AM »
I agree with everyone, Morte, you did wonderfully. You are a great mother and your D will grow up healthy because of it. The truth is best I believe, although it doesn't need to be a harsh truth. Your H was totally thoughtless posting a photo at the zoo when he has such young kids. But that's the epitome of a MLC - thoughtlessness. The way you answered your D was perfect.

And yes, you can be anything you want! You are starting to sound like my D22. Glad I'm getting the message through to all my kids!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Enyo

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #28 on: October 01, 2019, 05:45:29 AM »
I also agree with everyone else - lying to children is never a good idea, they have us sussed out long before we realise it! and I imagine your daughter is more switched on than most.  Well done in not covering for Beast but doing it in a classy way, you handled it better that I would have. 

Also enjoyed (is that the right word?) reading your post on your last thread.  Yes Tuscany was very thought provoking and I agree with you it felt safe to open up.  I also wish you well with you book number 3 however you wish to go forward with it - you'll not find any judgement from me!

Take care
Enyo X
Me 61
MLCer 58
M37 years, Together 39 years
S28 & S26
BD Aug/Sept 15
Moved Out Aug16

Offline DCD

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Re: Beauty into Beast 15
« Reply #29 on: October 01, 2019, 07:06:46 AM »
you handled that beautifully.  Hugs to you and your little lady.
some days are yellow
some days are blue
on different days, i'm different too
you'd be surprised how many ways
i change on different-colored days.
 - dr. seuss


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