Author Topic: Discussion Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8  (Read 515 times)

Offline AnjaeTopic starterTopic starter

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Discussion Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« on: September 24, 2019, 12:10:40 PM »
Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10273.0

I will answer here since Thunder requested a new thread being started.


Apparently there is a school of neuroscience looking at the relationship between developmental trauma, the brain and psychotherapy. https://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/allan-schore-neuroscience-psychotherapy and https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2016/may/why-bad-experiences-are-remembered-out-context

There is. There is also neuropsychiatry, a far better type of psychiatry. The tendency here, and in other places, is for psychiatry to become diluted in neurology or even disappear. It will not happen overnight.



Because the environment acts upon inborn temperament, which differs in each of us.  Or there may be mitigating factors such as a grandparent or mentor who helps ‘right the boat.’


Or because the biology and neurobiology of each of us responds differently. Or because of several other things.

As for Freud - well he is not obsolete.  He died almost 100 years ago so his ideas are developed and superseded in some cases , but the UK NHS spends millions of its scarce resources on training therapists in Psychodynamic techniques which are still based very firmly on Freudian ideas.


Here he is. He was totally discarted. I was clear to say in my post that it was here. Here is not the UK, or the US. Fruedian ideas have no basis to hold on and cannot be proved. They were also made by a cocained addict.


If the UK still spends milions to train people on Freud's theories, I am not certain I would like to be seen by a UK therapist or psychiatrist.

Mlc people aren’t being diagnosed with c ptsd because they aren’t presented to be diagnosed.

Of course. But a HS member cannot diagnose them instead. It is wrong.


Of course most MLCers aren't diagnosed with CPTSD. 1-Because they would need to go to a psychiatrist first, 2-it is a newly recognized illness in the past couple years, 3-Since MLC is not a diagnosed illness itself, how do we know if MLCers have CPTSD?, 4-Even if an MLCer goes to a psychiatrist and gets a diagnosis, they are under on obligation to tell the LBS this. So saying that MLCers aren't diagnosed with CPTSD means nothing.

It was also PTSD and . PTSD is not a new illness. And indeed, no one can diagnose a person that was not seen by a professional. As it means nothing saying they do when you have never meet them. Can you not see how wrong and unethical it would, and would be even if the person was a professional?


... but if anyone uses red herrings like the above one about MLCers not being diagnosed with CPTSD, I will not respond

It is not a red hearing. No one, not even a professional, can say/claim someone, let alone an entire group of people, suffer from something they weren't diagnose with.

Remember, that is just LBSes who are aware of the abuse.

We are now accepting as fact what a third part, the LBS says/thinks? It is unethical to draw diagnose conclusions from it. It is unethical to diagnose people we never meet or spoke to, let alone us, lay people.

There is no lack of logic on my part. There is quite a lack of logic from some of you. Some of you are doing what not even a serious professional would do.

I am sorry if you guys cannot see and understand how profundly wrong and unethical it is.


I'm sorry your husband was beaten/torture by his father Goner, but please do not put his reality upon others.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2019, 12:21:58 PM by Anjae »
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2019, 09:23:50 PM »
Attaching.... :)
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline AnjaeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #2 on: October 02, 2019, 04:51:10 PM »
This article explains a bit the neurobiology of the affair: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-fantasy-and-reality-of-an-affair_b_10417310?guccounter=1

"Because that part of your brain - your limbic system - hijacks any sensibility and rational thought when you are knee deep in the throws of an affair."

" Two primary parts of the brain are at work during an affair that extend to opposite ends of the spectrum and, unfortunately, don't work in unison. The limbic part of our brain holds all the emotions and functions outside of morality and good decision making that the neocortex - or the most developed part of our brain for working memory, impulsivity, executive functioning -- handles"

"An affair charges up your dopamine (neurotransmitter) to your reward system. It makes you feel alive and charged up! All you can see is this person."

"Soon you will find yourself breaking all of your rules and devaluing your 'values' that, at one time, felt so strong."

"During an affair, it's difficult to stay rational and hope that the part of your brain - the neocortex - steps in and takes over the limbic system that sends you on a constant roller coaster, leaves you emotionally and mentally exhausted, and feeling like there is no end in sight - the end that you want."

Not the normal article about the affair, but provides an insight to part of what goes on (there are million other things happening) in our brain when involded in an affair.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline AlvinTheMaker

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2019, 11:28:04 PM »
Not sure if fun or not, but this might be a good cause to get a massive water blaster, fill it with icycold water, and then give MLCr  a good run for the money  ;D   The bad news is that the effect lasts 30-60 minutes. 

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/aekz4a/truth-through-cold-water
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD: Feb 2019
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

On LBS diet: started at 281 lbs, now 265 - goal is to lose 66 lbs while being suck at this

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
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Offline Nerissa

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2019, 05:12:52 AM »
FROM THE UK TIMES

Mid-life crisis men need help, not mockery, says doctor

Jonathan Leake, Science Editor
May 5 2019, 12:01am, The Sunday Times
It has been suggested that a new medical speciality is needed to cover the years between paediatrics and geriatrics
It has been suggested that a new medical speciality is needed to cover the years between paediatrics and geriatrics

The middle-aged man who dumps his wife, buys a Porsche and starts wearing black T-shirts needs help, not mockery, according to one of Britain’s leading researchers on ageing.

“It’s time to stop trivialising the midlife crisis,” said Professor Mark Jackson of Exeter University.

He will tell the Royal Society next week that a new medical speciality is needed to cover the years between paediatrics and geriatrics. He suggests calling it mediatrics.

“The assumption is we get to 20 and stay much the same till we’re 60, but we don’t,” said Jackson.

The creeping realisation that we are “slowing down and becoming less attractive” can easily turn into a “depressive crisis” that can be hugely damaging to families and others affected.


“Many people can reach 40 and suddenly realise that all the success in relationships and jobs they once hoped for had not quite happened,” said Jackson, who is director of Exeter’s Wellcome centre for cultures and environments of health.

“You should be in your prime but never quite made it. Now you are slowing down and becoming less attractive,” he added. “The realisation looms that death is on the way and that makes many people try to reclaim some youth — for example by shagging someone younger.”

Hoping to boost lost self-esteem, some men resort to fast cars and faster women. Others become obsessed with cycling or Ironman events in the hope of reupholstering sagging physiques.

“There is a lot of research showing these strategies seldom make people any happier,” noted Jackson, 59, who said he managed to avoid having his own midlife crisis because of his expertise in the subject.

Less clear is how many women suffer similar crises and whether they respond in the same way.

Jackson argues that plenty of advice is available to children on what to expect when they reach puberty and where to turn at times of stress. Older people benefit from intensive research about dementia and other age-related ailments, but people in their forties and fifties are vulnerable to psychological pressures that often go unaddressed.

“My view is that just as we teach kids what to expect in puberty and adolescence, so we should teach adults what to expect in middle age — how difficult it can be and how to cope,” said Jackson. “It’s not your wife or husband that’s the problem — it’s in you.”

He said many marriages, after the seven-year itch, go through a second time of trouble at around 20 years.

“It’s the peak time for a crisis because your kids are adolescents, your parents are getting old and your job is a dead end or pressured. And you are losing your youth and fitness,” said Jackson.

He concluded: “If we prepared people for [midlife] rather than mocking them they might be far better able to cope.”

Offline AnjaeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2019, 01:31:26 PM »
Not bad and a good idea, but I wonder how Dr Jackson wants to help the men (and women, women also have MLC) in MLC. Merely telling people it may happen and how the middle years can be will not cut it.

If his aim is only at 40 onwards many MLCers'crisis will be missed. Same if the focus is only on married people. Single, divorced (not MLC divorce) and widowed people have MLC.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2019, 05:56:41 AM »
I was just cleaning out some old documents on my hard drive and came across this thing that I had downloaded some years ago.

It is research into what kind of people "poach" others' mates, as well as the type of people who are ripe for poaching:

https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Karl_Grammer/publication/8646929_Patterns_and_universals_of_mate_poaching_across_53_nations_The_effects_of_sex_culture_and_personality_on_romantically_attracting_another_person's_partner/links/0fcfd505d4cf48267e000000/Patterns-and-universals-of-mate-poaching-across-53-nations-The-effects-of-sex-culture-and-personality-on-romantically-attracting-another-persons-partner.pdf

A caveat is that most of the research was done on college students. But it still may be of interest.

The one mystery to me is that I downloaded this file in 2008. I have no idea WHY I would have been downloading such an article back then!

« Last Edit: October 09, 2019, 05:59:23 AM by Not Your Monkey »
Beware "MLCers" telling lies.

Offline Anon

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2019, 11:12:32 AM »
This link takes you to a webpage with an audio recording (scroll down the page until you see it).   It's talking about affairs and affair recovery, not MLC per se, but it's excellent and it talks about a lot of MLC stuff without calling it that... anger, shame, monster, abandoning kids, fog, addiction to OW/OM, etc.    It's worth listening to: 

https://www.emotionalaffair.org/empower-sarah-interview/

Offline xyzcf

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2019, 02:54:34 PM »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline Nerissa

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Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 8
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2019, 03:25:39 PM »
The midlife crisis. A Jungian/personal reflection

https://medium.com/@iangrantchess/the-mid-life-crisis-a-jungian-personal-perspective-3b29f40b596a

The author seems a bit narcissistic doesn’t he?  I’m
Losing patience with the long term self absorbed, despite having been so for the last few years!

 

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