Author Topic: My Story Reconnection... not there yet  (Read 965 times)

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Reconnection... not there yet
« on: September 25, 2019, 07:44:28 PM »
My last thread...
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10668.150

I changed the title of the thread!,
since the first time in the forum my thread title was "Reconnection"  because I used to see the "signs" how I wanted them to be...
Now with more knowledge about MLC and acceptance of the long road this is, I understand we are not there yet, I hope some day but I accept the possibility to not get there and I am ok with that

A summary of my journey:

September 2017. a monster is inside H, I was scared because I didn't recognize him anymore but I didn't know what was just about to come, for that time it was like a baby monster compared with the months to come...

December 2017. BD2 "I love you but..." speech

March 2018. he told me about OW, he never left home and it was like a teenager going to visit the girlfriend from 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM every day...

From June to late November 2018. brakes and backs with OW in December she sent me a message and I think that was what made him to take the decision

December 2018  to July 2019. Me working hard in myself and about H honestly I don't have a clue! I just know that he is wearing his old clothes LOL!

June 2019. He showed his head out of the tunnel for a while but a big fight with his brother and, again, disapproval of his parents... back in the tunnel

July 2019. He visited OW, just to talk ????? After that he told me to forget everything and start from zero, REALLY? Without working on it? Some of you, good friends, told me is not possible and I understand now, we cannot start if we are not finished, H his MLC and me... lots of things to fix!

Since then he is like Acorn says, "crazy uncle living here"
great relationship with D6,
we sleep together but rarely speak, just the necessary
He talk to his friends about me like everything is ok and I am his caring wife,
at home, we just share responsibilities

I am much better now hopping but not expecting and definitely getting a life.
And because for me was confusing the difference between hopping and expecting, I share what I found about it...

"Expectations are demanding. Hope isn't. Expectations often hinge you to your anticipations or speculations and in the worst case may burden you with a sense of entitlement. They often leave you broken when they are broken.
Hope, in the other hand, is like a light at the end of the tunnel, something that keeps you going through the dark. It doesn't demand, it just wishes."

"I expect myself to write a suitable explanation, I hope I have done justice to my expectations. I expect you to read it, I hope you'll like it." 😄









Yo ❤

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2019, 01:43:38 AM »
Attaching.....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Cherry Blossom

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2019, 02:43:20 AM »
Attaching
M: 49
W: 40
Married 1 year together 3.5 years
No kids but we have dogs
BD: 7th September 2019 (although lots of signs for previous 4 months)
EA with old school friend who appears to also be going through MLC for at least 4 months and I think OW since at least August
I have a wealth of experience of MLC (which I'd rather not have) - my previous long-term R (17 years, including 6 months of marriage) ended in D in July 2015 because I wanted to end it as it was an abusive R

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2019, 04:57:37 AM »
I love hope, we can all use a piece of that.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Sam I Am

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2019, 07:26:05 AM »
attaching
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs (he left them all behind - taking care of them but not really visiting or interacting with them yet)

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2019, 07:31:12 AM »
Thanks UM, Cherry B, SF, Sam, for being here! ❤
Yo ❤

Offline Acorn

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2019, 07:47:06 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, Yo!

Quote
Now with more knowledge about MLC and acceptance of the long road this is, I understand we are not there yet, I hope some day but I accept the possibility to not get there and I am ok with that   

This shows your growth, Yo, in my view.  Acceptance is happening, I’m happy to observe!


"Expectations are demanding. Hope isn't. Expectations often hinge you to your anticipations or speculations and in the worst case may burden you with a sense of entitlement. They often leave you broken when they are broken.
Hope, in the other hand, is like a light at the end of the tunnel, something that keeps you going through the dark. It doesn't demand, it just wishes."


I really like the above quote explaining the differences between expectations and hope. 
It’s not that difficult to mix up the two, and don’t I know it! 

If I may add to your wonderful quote, please.

Expectations focus on the future, whereas hope is current. 
Expectations hinge on another person’s actions, whereas you own hope 100%.
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2019, 11:41:56 AM »
Yo-I am glad Acorn chimed in as I was thinking to suggest to you to read her old threads.

I would not be so negative. Your H has started to reconnect with you. But it's a very very slow process and there are moments when they need to disappear for a while for internal reasons as an MLCer isn't a very good multitasker.

Your H's going out reminds me a bit of how Acorn's H was booking himself to every conference around the globe he could for a while. But when she looked back, she saw this was an important part of the process that he needed to go through.

There's not a single moment when you can say you have reconnected. I would just say things improve in the relationship. Less monster, maybe less total running away from you. You can't call them normal by any stretch of the imagination, but their behavior at least becomes a little more bearable. And as Acorn points out, your attitude changes also help with that.

You are less than 2 years post-BD. This is early. I know it is a hard thing to go through, but I would say where you are in the timeline, your H is on an ok trajectory. It could be much worse than it is. I know that is not saying much considering he isn't like the man you loved and married, but for someone who is standing and wants their marriage restored, you are probably in as good a position as you could expect at this point. Keep your eyes on the positives, try to ignore or brush off the negatives, and you will be fine.

Beware "MLCers" telling lies.

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2019, 12:03:06 PM »
Following along Yo.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2019, 05:08:54 PM »
Following!
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 39

BD1-April 2018-Unrecognized by me until way later, he is unhappy, wants counseling.
BD2-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), Unsure if he and OW2(PA) are still together?
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2019, 02:55:26 PM »
Thanks Acorn! You are right about the difficulty to mix the two concepts, actually in Spanish the verb to use with "I" is the same word for expectations and hope!. 😮


Expectations focus on the future, whereas hope is current.
Expectations hinge on another person’s actions, whereas you own hope 100%
.
Great!

Not your Monkey, thanks for your comments! and about your suggestion of reading Acorn's threads, I do! And has been my lifesaver more than once, I just wish to be as wise as she has been.

Keep your eyes on the positives, try to ignore or brush off the negatives, and you will be fine.

Promised

Thanks for being here PJ and Finding Joy!

And to keep with the story...
10 years ago I used to work for an association giving conferences to teenagers about healthy life, sexuality and some other things
Two weeks ago they called me again to work for this semester with them but I have to travel this monday to Mexico City for the training, just two days, I'll be back on Wednesday and I already told my boss at school and she said yes
I told H about it, D6 is going to stay with him. For the first time  D6 and me are going to be separated and maybe it sounds silly but I am sad...

At the beginning he said it was OK but last night he started to babbling about it and at the end he told me that he'll give me the money that they are going to pay me if I won't go

Is a very attractive offer, I am really tired and would be great to have more money and less work to do... 😄
But after this two years my experience tells me he is trying to manipulate me again...
I didn't know what to do, in one hand if I don't go is going to be more comfortable but I am letting his demons not just control him but me
I am going to miss D6 but with pain in my heart I have to teach her to be independent (I am sure H is a great dad, she'll be fine)

In the other hand, if I go I am taking care of myself and doing my life but is possible to have to handle a monster at home for the weekend and maybe like other times he is going to stop the process (with pain in my heart but not my business)

So I decided to go! I am going to tell him that I appreciate the offer but if he wants to help me he can do it anyway knowing that everything is going to be fine if I am not at home  for two days

If he some day wants to reconnect with me he needs constance and needs to know I can have a life and independence and if I am with him is because I love him not because I need him (of course I am not telling him this)

Besides all these, is going to be fun to see him taking care of D6 and work (what I do always), driving her to school, fixing the snack, homework, uniforms, afternoon activities, D6 jumping and speaking with no stops from 6:00 am to 10:00 pm, shower, dinner, etc.

I haven't talked to him so please let me know your thoughts so I can be sure I am making the right decision

« Last Edit: September 27, 2019, 03:00:11 PM by Yo »
Yo ❤

Offline NewNormal

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2019, 11:43:50 AM »
Attaching  :)

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #12 on: September 29, 2019, 07:16:09 PM »
You are absolutely making the right decision to go Yo.  Your D will be fine and it will give her much needed time with her Dad.

Take some time after your day at training to take time for you, have a spa bath, massage and generally just find time for you for a change.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Acorn

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2019, 10:42:17 AM »
Hi Yo, I hope you are in Mexico City.  If you are, enjoy! 
Being away from an MLC environment is refreshing.   I’m speaking from experience.

Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2019, 02:19:48 PM »
Already in the airport!

H made it difficult since yesterday when D6 reminded him about the trip, I guess he didn't think I was to come.
At the end he offered to drive me to the airport, when we arrived to the front door I said thank you and he left...

Well... I am on my way, ready to learn and take a brake for the first time!
I already miss D6 but I know she'll be fine.

Thanks SF and Acorn ❤


Yo ❤

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #15 on: October 06, 2019, 03:28:57 PM »
Hola!

Same old stuff, H in the tunnel and me reacting without thinking.
This week H is letting me know where he is if he is not to be back at the usual time, today he cooked lunch for the three of us, but he is still not talking to me and if I talk to him he looks at me with hate and answers in a very rude way.

Yesterday I had a fall, a friend of my sent me a text that explained how to ignore, disregard, not talk, were agression against the couple and some other things in the text that triggered all the bad stuff I have been living the last two years

I didn't think, I just reacted and told H that I was tired and I didn't want this anymore, I asked him what kind of money arrangement he was willing to make in order to know what options I had. Everything in a very calm way from my side

He was really upset but he just said that he didn't want to talk, that maybe in another time.

As I said today he cooked for us but is the same story, I know that MLC'ers are not coherent but I really would like to understand why he wants me whit him if he is uncomfortable with me around, I am sorry, I guess I am acting like new but I am in one of those days...
Yo ❤

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #16 on: October 06, 2019, 10:35:15 PM »
We all need a break from their insanity at times Yo, they are exhausting.

Give him the silent treatment as well or get out of his way.  MLCers act like such children, although most children are much nicer than any MLCer.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #17 on: October 07, 2019, 09:29:35 AM »
MLCers act like such children, although most children are much nicer than any MLCer.

Definitely! Thanks Savoir Faire
Yo ❤

Offline Acorn

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #18 on: October 07, 2019, 09:56:04 AM »
O well, no more talking to him for a while then.  One does not repeat any performance that got you disrespect.  Leave him alone to sulk all by himself. 

You’ve had your say, now it’s back to cool, calm and collected.  Right, Yo?
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #19 on: October 07, 2019, 10:43:13 AM »
Hola!

Same old stuff, H in the tunnel and me reacting without thinking.
This week H is letting me know where he is if he is not to be back at the usual time, today he cooked lunch for the three of us, but he is still not talking to me and if I talk to him he looks at me with hate and answers in a very rude way.


Sometimes these MLCers seem like they hate us but it's not about us at all. Last night I asked my H if he wanted me to prepare dinner as soon as he got home and he agreed. Well, between then and me serving dinner, he talked to MIL. He was complaining about some problem he had with someone at his clinic I think but it definitely was not about me. Then he told me he didn't want dinner now, and later when I asked again if he wanted to eat he just gave me a dirty look, didn't answer, and left the room. I just said good night, put the food away and left it at that. It was clear that his mother had agitated him in some way. And I could imagine your H's attitude has nothing to do with you, but seems like it is directed at you.
Beware "MLCers" telling lies.

Offline Surviving2019

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #20 on: October 07, 2019, 10:55:47 AM »
YO-
Wow! This is echoing my life a bit. Although my H did move out after I asked him to given he didn't want to end contact with the OW and he had repeatedly told me ILYBINILWY and that "we don't have a future."

Two years since he left. I worked steadily on myself. He came back at the very end of April 2019, stayed until the middle of August the cut and ran again. This time his excuse was that his adult children don't like me, and "we don't have a future."  The more I read, the more I think he's starting to make steps out of the tunnel, but isn't all the way out.  We did have a pleasant evening last night, just doing a shared activity and having a meal. He lingered for a while before heading to his apartment. Ordinarily, I would have made an attempt at physical contact, but I just smiled, and told him I hope he enjoys his work week.

Since leaving again, he has filled every single weekend with work. He's traveling all over the country teaching. Running again, but I think this is a normal part of the process and he needs to do it. He has been asking me my thoughts and feelings, which is a bit disconcerting, because I don't actually know where he is in the tunnel and what is too much or too little to share. It's like, on one hand, he wants to connect, and on the other he is so scared of something (rejection? hurt? his own insecurities? unhappiness?) that he allows that to control him and away he goes.*Sigh*

While this second time leaving has been very hard, I am working on living my life. I've dug into the content here. I've planned trips with friends, doing projects on the house, and in general, being happy doing what I like to do. I do get lonely at times as I miss my H and step-children, but what can you do?

Offline Acorn

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #21 on: October 07, 2019, 11:21:45 AM »

Sometimes these MLCers seem like they hate us but it's not about us at all.


This has been my experience as well.  He told me this almost verbatim when I asked him why he hated me.  He also added that he hated himself.

Of course, this statement did not stop him from looking at me with utter dislike and revulsion which made me shiver as if someone walked on my grave.   That look was directed at me consistently over a long period - Replay.  I learned to ignore it because it was so insane.  What did I ever do to be at the receiving end of such disgust?  Nothing.  I was just the ‘whipping boy’ of his emotional turmoil.  The easiest target.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2019, 11:25:28 AM by Acorn »
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #22 on: October 13, 2019, 10:24:54 AM »
Thanks Acorn, NYM and Surviving for your comments always something important and useful in each of them! ❤

Something happened this week... I wasn't talking too much but reading your advices I decided to talk less, just the necessary
H started to talk, the first day was just about superficial matters and each day it has been more interesting, some times is like before BD, not my thinking, I know he is not cooked yet, but in a very relaxed way, his eyes and body language, kind of cautious from both sides but nice, I mean nice because without the necessity of being quiet because we have to or the obligation of thinking everything before talking, is like a brake of this madness, like a brake to get strength to keep going
Not a word about us, about what happened or what is going to be, just enjoying the talk
He is not anxious and that makes me feel relaxed when he is around
Last night he came home later than he use to, just one hour but it felt like a very long hour...of course I had bad thoughts for a while but as soon as he came home he started to tell me everything about his evening, and I am happy about it because I realized he has his old friends back and they are embracing him like he hadn't abandoned them

Almost all the talk is about him but right now is something that he needs, to be fair I have had a lot more blessings so to listen to him with love doesn't hurt

Don't worry my friends! I know this can be just a moment, I really do! I hope it is the beginning of another stage but I am prepared to be by myself if is necessary

I am starting this week giving the conferences of the Mexico City training, it is good because I am going to be busy and because as you know, the person that learns the most when you teach is you! And this cycle is about bullying, something that we, LBSs know about 🥴


Yo ❤

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #23 on: October 14, 2019, 03:15:06 AM »
Allowing them to talk is a really great idea.  You will find out so much more than when asking questions.  You are doing so well, never easy with a recovering MLCer around.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #24 on: October 17, 2019, 07:34:57 AM »
Thanks Savoir Faire, you are right, never easy!

H is back to not talking to much, at least he is not completely quite as last months but he is mad again, I cannot imagine how much hurt he has inside, and I really feel sorry for him

I started to read again old threads and some information about letting go, sometimes I feel like I am in to him (secretly) more than I should so I have to work a lot more in me.

I don't have to much time because of my job, in one hand is ok because I am busy but sometimes I would like to read more and come more to the forum, I need it.

And talking about my job, I have the opportunity to take full time next year if I want to, that can give me the economic freedom to leave if is necessary, I am sure he is not going to, but that doesn't mean he is going to be out of the tunnel sometime, so I have to be prepare to have the best for D6 and for myself

I have noticed that lately I talk about me a lot! The word I is written a lot! I feel guilty because I am not reading other threads or showing I care to other members of the forum but in other hand I guess this is a moment of thinking about myself. Anyway writing this is a way of apologizing so the guilt is there. Maybe care to much about others is part of my personality or maybe is something I should work with...

Yo ❤

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #25 on: October 17, 2019, 07:58:09 AM »
Yo,

A big part of the LBS healing and taking control of their lives is to start focusing a bit more on ourselves, our needs/wants, our health, our happiness.  The majority of us spent an awful lot of time focusing on our Mid-Lifers for the years leading up to BD and the aftermath thereof so it is only normal that focusing on ourselves is a bit of a shock sometimes and can induce a bit of guilt...

But it is a necessary and important step.  The difference between the LBS self-focus and the Mid-Lifer self focus is that the LBS sees it in context of their world whereas the Mid-Lifer couldn't care less about the world around them as long as they are getting their jollies....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #26 on: October 18, 2019, 11:32:31 AM »
Thanks UrsaMajor! ☀️
Yo ❤

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #27 on: November 07, 2019, 07:34:51 PM »
Hola!

H started to talk last week, mostly about him, but at least talking...
Last monday everything changed, it was my birthday and as good LBS I wasn't expecting anything but early in the morning he gave me a hug, said Happy birthday and gave me money to buy anything I wanted
In the afternoon I went to my mother's to celebrate with my brothers and their family, I didn't tell H because since BD I always invited him and he always said no so I stopped asking a few months ago

When he found out, he started to monster again, I think that maybe because
- I didn't need him to enjoy my birthday
- he doesn't have a caring family like mine
- I was not waiting for him to.come home as always

I had to work in my self esteem again because he really said ugly things, it hurts...
But hurts more to see him suffer the way he is

One of the things that he has been mentioning when he is monsterish  (I believe I just invented that word) is that he is not going to go to my family Christmas party, like if I was expecting him to go! But this last time he said that he had no other place to go that day, I think he is worried because this year is our turn with his kids

Today I followed my intuition and during lunch I told him that my brothers included him and the kids in the Christmas plans, that I wasn't asking if he would like to go, just saying for him to know, he said that wasn't true because they didn't care about him, so I told him that he should start to believe that people care about him and even love him because who he is and that they think about him and his kids as part of the family as always (which is true) he didn't answer, he just cried

I think he needed to feel a little bit of love, let's see what he does with that, I hope embrace it but I don't expect
Yo ❤

Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #28 on: November 07, 2019, 09:11:31 PM »
Not much to say about your situation other than to say you are not alone. Your H sounds like he is in a similar place to where mine is right now.

This might give you a laugh if you have seen the movie Ocean's 12 before. It's kind of depicts how I feel about dealing with a H who is going into the depression stage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wnEuOJg_dA

The MLCer is the lasers.


Beware "MLCers" telling lies.

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #29 on: November 07, 2019, 09:21:01 PM »
NYM I laughed a lot! I feel exactly like that! Loved it!
Yo ❤

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #30 on: November 07, 2019, 11:36:00 PM »
Belated Happy Birthday yo!!

I love that your H cried.  shows there is some feeling in there again.  He is still cooking though ::)
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #31 on: November 08, 2019, 06:23:40 AM »
Thank you Savoir Faire! 💕
And about H, oven closed!
Yo ❤

Offline Surviving2019

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #32 on: November 08, 2019, 12:37:58 PM »
Holaso I told him that he should start to believe that people care about him and even love him because who he is and that they think about him and his kids as part of the family as always (which is true) he didn't answer, he just cried

I think he needed to feel a little bit of love, let's see what he does with that, I hope embrace it but I don't expect

Yes! Yes! Yes! I have said this to mine too and he always cries. Definitely not done cooking. It does sounds like ours are in similar spots. For me, it’s hard to see him in so much emotional turmoil. I have to remind myself that I can’t fix him or fix that pain for him.

Offline YoTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnection... not there yet
« Reply #33 on: November 10, 2019, 09:07:06 AM »
You are right Surviving! We cannot fix them!

Just maybe one nice comment occassionally can make them feel a little bit better in the middle of all their chaos

I remember last year I told H once that he should live with OW to know if they really work together (I don't know why I did that but luckily the outcome was good) the point is that around last December, months later, he told me that the comment made him think that ow was not what he wanted for his life and then I realized that not everything around them is a fantasy and some times they are able to count what we say or do

Of course everybody is different and what works for some maybe not for others, I guess the thing is to not expect they are going to be fixed because something we said or do, the porpoise is to give them something nice in the middle of all their ugly things, and just some times, to not make them feel pushed

Is like when a worker has a bonus, it happens maybe twice a year and the company is not expecting the worker expend the money in the company, is just to give them a brake and make them work better because they feel better...



Yo ❤

 

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