[Couragedearheart]

I’m going to ask this question, because initially I had this thought....”I don’t want my S14 to have a broken home.”  But now I genuinely wonder....what makes a broken home broken?

Is it lack of ability to emotionally handle what happens?

Is it learning wrong messages from what occurs?

Is it simply the lack of 2 parents in one house?

Is there things that the LBS can do as parents to prevent all the negative side effects that come with separation abandonment and divorce for our children.

And to those of you who are single parenting.....do you want to call it a broken home? 

What should we call what we are building in our homes after the MLCer leaves?

Having read many posts on this site, I would say this is the largest group of unbroken people I know. Not perfect, but certainly not broken by what life has sent their way.

[Treasur]

What an interesting question, CH.
Not sure I know the answer in regard to kids as a non child owner lol.
But I know it is a real issue that many LBS struggle with.

Actually just belatedly realised that - albeit in a different way - after the loss of my family, my sense of 'home' was broken. I'm not sure I know what 'home' feels like now to me. House yes, home no...

[Anjae]

Technically, a broken home where one parent leaves (or one with many issues). Howeverm, homes with two parents can be broken as well. Very broken, in fact.


What makes a broken home, aside from one parent leaving, a messy, problematic, ambient. A place where there is distress.

Is there things that the LBS can do as parents to prevent all the negative side effects that come with separation abandonment and divorce for our children.

I would say there are things that can be done to the prevent negative effects. If all, I don't know.

Number one would be, I think, remember the MLCer is still the kids parent and regardless of what the LBS may think of the MLCer and what happened, not to put in on the kids or their relationship with the MLCer.

MLC affects LBS and kids, but it is a grown ups business.

Other things, try as much as possible to offer the kids a caring, open, safe, place. Allow them to make question about the situation and answer truthfully, in a manner they can understand, but without anger or pointing fingers - no good will come of making the MLCer the vilain before the kids eyes.

What should we call what we are building in our homes after the MLCer leaves?

A home. A safe, good space for LBS and kids.

[Finding Joy]

I do think the LBS being strong, healing properly and being present goes along way.  My kids still feel the very large missing peace.  They feel the abandonment.  My d14 especially has grown in Christ due to it, but her void is still there.

At divorce care last night the lady that spoke said she told her kids that Christ was now the head of their home.  It seemed to help.

I’m not sure we have to call it a broken home, but it is a broken home.  In order to visit their father, the kids must say goodbye to their mother.  For older kids that is not as big of a deal, but it is huge for younger kids.

That said, broken things can be restored beautifully, though they will be changed for it.

[Anjae]

That said, broken things can be restored beautifully, though they will be changed for it.

I like this idea. A lot.

[xyzcf]

I don't use the term "broken home" but I do use the term "broken family'.

One of the reasons I have contact with my husband is that in spite of our broken family, I try for my daughter's sake that he is included in certain events and holidays.

Does he deserve it? Most certainly not but my daughter did not deserve to lose her family.

This is a very good book that discusses from the adult children of divorce view point.

Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak: Leila Miller

Primal Loss is shock treatment for anyone rationalizing the effect of a broken home on a child. Leila Miller presents the raw words of adult children of divorce, exposing the myth that "the children are all right."

[Acorn]

As a teacher, I have seen

-   Many children from hopelessly broken homes with 2 parents.
-   Many children from secure and loving homes with1 parent.
-   A handful of children from from secure and loving homes with grandparents or uncle and aunt.

I assert that ‘broken’ or ‘secure’ home is not defined by the number of parents living within it but by the character, attitude and life perspectives of the parent(s) and their level of commitment to carrying out their calling as parent(s) with due diligence.  I know of many such single parent on HS.  I am in awe of them. 

My observation is that a home is only as broken or whole as the parent(s) is(are). 

A single parent family is a bona fide family. It’s a complete unit all on its own.

[Couragedearheart]

Wow these answers are blowing me away. I don’t have very many answers to the questions I asked today.....which is why I posted it.

If my work on my FOO issues has shown me anything it is that we should teach ways to feel and release emotions and how to get unstuck from an emotion. And to make sure that kids understand that all of their emotions are okay.

The other one would be ensuring they don’t teach themselves value messages from the actions of their MLC parent. No kid should feel unwanted, unworthy, unloved, rejected or replaced.

I look forward to seeing more opinions and thoughts. We aren’t the only ones dealing with the effects of MLC small impressionable minds are too.

Thank you for sharing. ❤️

[MyBrainIsBroken]

This is a very difficult question. I like this definition from the Macmillan Dictionary best.

a family where the parents are divorced or do not live together, and the children suffer as a result

I like it because it seems to allow for a situation where the parents don't live together but it isn't considered a broken home because the children don't suffer. I'm afraid it's probably rare, though, for the children not to suffer at least a little bit due to the absence of one parent, even though they may actually be better off than they would be if the missing parent were present.

I considered the possibility that I may have grown up in a broken home even though both of my parents were present, but that wasn't a broken home, it was a broken or dysfunctional family. The irony is that my parents did eventually separate and divorce when I was 16 so at that point I really was from a broken home but after the divorce it was a far less dysfunctional home.

I don't think it matters what you call it as long as the children know there is at least one person they can always count on for support. That's what my home was missing. I didn't have anyone. It only takes one person to provide the child with the support it needs.

[Couragedearheart]

MBIB,

I’m so sorry you didn’t have a person.  I’m glad you are learning to be that person for yourself.

I really like this definition, and your experience and explanation make a lot of sense for me.

Thank you for sharing that.