[megogirl]

Brain

Fair enough, but what about all of the other people in his life?  Our son?  He wasn’t around when XH was 4 years old, either, but he is still treated normally.  He wasn’t a corporate exec when he was 4 years old, but he still has a job.

I’ll never figure it out....!

[Shockandawe]

Hi Mego

My issues didn’t affect my feelings for my daughter and I could hold down a job too.
I realise I blamed and projected all of my negative feelings onto my ex h. As I said I was a rebellious teenager and as such I didn’t recognise my ex h as being important and therefore I discarded him with no questions to myself as I was convinced I was right to do so.
I compartmentalised a lot.
All the time I now know I was healing the shattered part of me and this is why it takes so very long.

[Shockandawe]

BIB

I feel you understand what I am attempting to portray. A kindred spirit if you will.

[megogirl]

Yes Sis - Brain knows the MLC drill!

Do you suppose my XH will also feel that he’s slayed the MLC dragon too?  Is it a conscious feeling, one that you can easily acknowledge now that yours is over?

I ask because i know exactly what happened to my ex (neglect/abandonment), and hope that one day he’ll recognize it, too. 

[Marchingforward]

Hi! I have a question and forgive me if it's one you've answered in previous threads. I've gone back and read some of them but am still figuring out how to navigate this site.

Could you give any insight into your beginning steps out of the tunnel and then a return to the tunnel?

I ask because my h and I were separated for 1.5 years. He was deep in the tunnel. At the end of April this year he asked to come home. Things were going well (I didn't talk about the relationship, worked on myself, supported him as best I could, didn't say anything about an MLC, etc).  At the beginning of August he used his adult children not liking me as an excuse to run back into that tunnel. It's been hard because I didn't really know about these starts back home until after he left again and I went searching.

Also, I'm pretty dim right now with him. I think this is probably the thing to do as he has to work through whatever is going on with him. He does want to remain "friends"  although he's not really treating me like a friend (I know typical script). I'm just doing me. When he contacts me, I try and be kind but a little distant. Which is weird for me because part of what happened was him disclosing that his adult children don't like me and then he began to systematically disconnect from me.  Two weeks of that and he told me we didn't have a "connection"  and should just be "done."  So I guess, if I'm distant, does that continue to feed into his narrative that we don't have a connection, or would it not matter at all because he's back in the tunnel?

Thanks for any insight.

[Shelly7435]

I also had my x leave for a year. And he wanted to come home. I knew he was still
In crisis but I wanted him home. 6 months was all it took and he ran and a major bd.  He also said we a best friends. If that’s true no wonder he has no friends.... lol but true. He said he had been trying to regain the love but just couldn’t ... probably because is 28 year old assistant was now his focus.  He now has vanished. So much for being best friends.
My point is he is early in MLC probably half in half out. I would be very cautious.
Just my opinion.

[Jackolar12]

Hi Shelly, I spoke with an MLC man who left his wife and family for a fit 28 year old.10 years later he realised she had issues and just wanted a father figure.He tried to return but the LBS wouldn’t even see him, he bitterly accepts his fate but life goes on and he’s with another woman.
Regards
Jackolar

[Aaron]

Hi I'm new married 10 years im 36 wife 32 to a wonderful wife have 2 amazing boys 7 and 9 wife adored me loved me with all her heart march 19 my father passed away in front of us he fought pancreatic cancer for 6 months my wife and him were close they worked together and my wife was taking him to kemo and doctors appointments that i couldn't. Three weeks after he died on my birthday my wife left me.since she left she has wanted nothing to do with me no contact at all for first 4 months we had 2 weeks of contract where she told me she didn't care about anything anymore and she was numb i found out she has been sleeping with multiple drugys and hanging with drugys she has been sleeping with a guy 10 years younger than her no job no license no place to live and drinks all day long and does drugs she has laughed in my face and said its non of my business what she does so we now for 2 months been back to no contact she hates me she wants nothing to do with me or the kids she blames me for everything and has lied and made up things this past week she asked our boys hows daddy doing and then told them im dumb for finishing our house and its wrong that I'm doing it for her and it is not bringing her back anyway i can get her to continue to think about me in a good way like before bd

[Jackolar12]

Aaron, 32 years is young for MLC, do you think it might be the start of an early peri- menopause causing your wife’s out of character behaviours. As a benchmark look to her mother and the timeline she went through. Take good care of your health and keep your strength up as this is a rocky ride.
Jack

[Treasur]

Aaron - it may be MLC, maybe reactive depression, or something else...but imho the labels are less helpful than trying to accept two things.

One - whatever it is, it is not caused by you and you can't fix it
Two - whatever it is, the behaviour you can see is real and in practical terms that is the version of your w that you are having to deal with right now.

Time will allow you to reflect on the bigger why's and whatnots about who your w was and how you choose to feel about her in future.

It sounds as if the SHTF earlier this year?
You might find it helpful to start your own thread and give us a few details of your immediate challenges so we can support you better?