Author Topic: My Story Wife's MLC 16  (Read 1140 times)

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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My Story Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #20 on: October 02, 2019, 12:41:48 PM »
I'd like to have a life, too. I wish I could figure out what I would like that life to look like.

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #21 on: October 02, 2019, 09:05:36 PM »
I could say make your own life, but it's never as easy as it sounds. New website "Design a life". It could be a hit. Answer some questions about what you like and the website tells you how to create your magically wonderful life. I might have something here..... ???

I used to drive my kids 30+ minutes one way to school,then 30 minutes back to work (because I work 9 miles from my house) and then again the same thing in the afternoon. I never got a  lunch. I was deliriously happy when D got her license and I  could spend my lunch shopping for groceries again (yeah, I know). S was a late bloomer and didn't get his license till his senior year, so I got a year off with D, then had to drive again for two years until S got his license. Yes, it does feel good when you don't have to drive all those miles anymore. And don't have to spend the money for the gas.But the conversation you get in the the car was so worth it.

You just sound kind of burnt out, Gman. Take care of you, too, even if only for a little while. If you can't join a band, how about some Karaoke in the car? Single parenting is tough.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline gman242Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #22 on: October 03, 2019, 06:29:22 AM »
OffRoad, that's pretty much what it is... Drive, cook, clean, entertain the kid..  burned out...! 

I think we're going to get to bed 30 mins early from now on. I actually got up late by 30 mins on Monday and S said how great he felt! lol. I was in bed, lights out at 10:30 last night and it made a huge difference. I wouldn't mind being in bed @ 10:00pm. I am definitely not 31 anymore and I can use the sleep. The routine would be good for me too and I think that's where the stress starts.. You get behind on sleep, you get behind on everything else, it all back ups.. so and so forth. Gotta Stay ahead!

I posted in the neighborhood group about finding a few teens in the neighborhood for S. Hopefully a parent will comment. He needs someone in the neighborhood to hang out with.. I would LOVE for him to get on his bike and go do something.

Brain, I though things were going well with the running, EMT and so on.. You seem busy, although I know that doesn't always equate with being happy. What would you change if you could? What do you want more of or less of?

I want to play some live music shows. I want to do some travelling and camping, when it's not summer. Walk in the woods, take photos, sit and contemplate everything, working on writing while I'm out there, blog about the whole thing. Do more detailed music stuff.

Online Treasur

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #23 on: October 03, 2019, 06:38:10 AM »
Quote
I could say make your own life, but it's never as easy as it sounds. New website "Design a life". It could be a hit. Answer some questions about what you like and the website tells you how to create your magically wonderful life. I might have something here..... ???

Fab idea, OR...we'll test the beta-version for you  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Couragedearheart

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #24 on: October 03, 2019, 07:33:01 AM »
Gman,

How much of that list would S like to do as well? Which of those things could you do together or join some groups. Meetup has some groups you can join.  Eventbrite usually has classes and some are free in your area for hobbies and interests. Have you asked S what kind of hobbies he wasn’t to try? Maybe he could make some friends doing a hobby thing that he enjoys. Oh and Reddit has a whole section on hobbies with excellent suggestions.
Me 36
H 36
S15
Wallower?
EA discovered 5/31/2019
BD May 31 2019
EA ongoing? 🤷‍♀️ (Who knows?)
“God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of his.” C.S. Lewis

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #25 on: October 03, 2019, 07:40:03 AM »
Brain, I though things were going well with the running, EMT and so on.. You seem busy, although I know that doesn't always equate with being happy. What would you change if you could? What do you want more of or less of?

Thanks for asking gman. I wasn't going to say anything more because I don't want to sidetrack your thread with my issues, but since you asked.  ;)

Actually, what I have to say might be relevant since your son will be graduating soon and you may find yourself on your own.

My life is full of activity and much of it is meaningful activity. I'm good at finding things to do to keep myself busy. But I've recently realized that the thing that's missing from my life is that I don't belong anywhere.

I used to enjoy running with a running group that I belong to but that group rarely runs together anymore and even when they do I'm so fast that I'm at a completely different level. It's hard for me to fit in with the other members.

I have a good job which I enjoy. I used to get together with other faculty in my department. We would go out to eat, have picnics, etc. but that has changed. We still have about the same number of students but we only have about half the faculty we used to have. Class sizes are larger, we're all teaching overload courses, and everyone is too busy to get together. Most days I never even speak to another faculty member while at work.

I really enjoyed working in EMS. We felt like a team but we've lost some EMTs and drivers and I don't really enjoy working with most of the people who are still responding so I don't really feel like part of anything there, either.

And I used to have a family. Even after my daughters left home and my granddaughter left to live with her mother, I still had my wife. I know I still have a family but I don't really feel like I belong. My daughters both have families and they stay very busy with them. I stop occasionally and visit with them but I'm not really a part of their families. After I spend a little time with them I leave and go home to an empty house and they go back to their activities.

One of the reasons I started posting on the forum again is that this is the closest thing I have to a place where I feel like I belong but I'm afraid that's a little bit pathetic. I sometimes wonder how I so quickly wound up old and alone.

Some people seem to enjoy being on their own but I don't like living like this. The area where I live is so rural that it isn't easy to find groups to join. It's bad enough that I've been thinking about looking for a bar to hang out at, my own version of Cheers, but with two brothers who are alcoholics I tend to think hanging out in bars would be a bad idea. Regardless, I only have 3 to choose from anyway.

Offline gman242Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #26 on: October 04, 2019, 07:58:04 AM »
Courage, S & I do all of those things and more together. Ok I haven't played any live shows yet, but S wants me to  ;D He thinks it'd be pretty cool having a rock star for a dad. I'd have him help him setup and stuff.

I just don't think I have the energy right now to be part of any join up groups. Maybe I'm just getting older, the drive seems to feel just that much longer or all of the get my life together energy from post BD has been spent. I even feel like cutting down on airsoft. Or at least how long I spend out there during the day.

I literally have stacks of mail and papers I need to go through. I'll be buying a filing cabinet soon and I need an actual desk and to not use the dining room table for everything  ;D

But I would like to get out and be more social.. I've already met a couple people on the neighborhood group and one parent with an older teen. We'll see how that goes.

Brain, I'm all for sharing the floor  :D I know how you feel.. I felt like I belonged at the library at my old campus, but I felt like the job was a dead end. Now it's the opposite here. I like my job, but I"m gone 99% of the time and I never interact with anyone and I'm envious of the co workers who get to mingle.

it's like that too here.. We have no room to expand and everyone is overwhelmed. All of our classes are two days a week and I could see us going back to MWF classes, to free up more hours in the day for more classes. I've been renovating storage rooms into classroom space, that's how maxed out we are.

I was jazzed up about teaching comp sci, but after I sat down with the program manager, the Dean told me I couldn't because of my position classification. I think I dodged a bullet.. the program manager was making it sound really assembly line.. not fun. It's a required class so biog classes, lots of material..  :o After my last few raises, I make what a teacher with a master's and 18 credits makes and I've been warned off teaching by several faculty ..

I have 8 years and then I dunno.. If the pay is good, I'll stay.

Airsoft is pretty stable.. I'm in the adult crowd and I hang out with the people that run the field and do all the tech work, so we've all be friends for at least 6-7 years. Maybe you can find something service orientated where there's less turnover? I would think something voluntary, that's about helping would be more stable.. like animal shelter work or hospital volunteering?

I don't know the answer and I've struggled with not fitting in my whole life too..

S is going to be around for a while longer I think. i don't really even see him moving out until he's met someone and wants to get married and even then..  :o lol.

My mom does a lot for my sister though.. although, I think my sister takes advantage of my mom. I'd say see if you can be more involved with your grandkids, but you're working and my mom is retired. It's really tough I know.. my mom comes over and we clean together every now and then we talk. I don't want to be one of those kids that's "too busy" either, but I am. I always make time to talk to my family though. It's something I've tried to do after the D, but my mom seems to have gone off on her own after my grandfather's passing.

I like the idea of hanging out in a bar.. but in practice I think everyone there is phony. At least here.. everyone is die hard alcoholics who stop caring about you the second you stop walking through the door. Or they're young and shallow. I always wanted a end of the road pub like we had up north, but they don't really exist here. You don't stop in to say hello here, you go out and do your drinking. Bit of a difference.. your mileage may vary up there.. lol.

But .. I tell you what, I wish I could change. It sucks feeling and knowing your whole life you're different.

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #27 on: October 04, 2019, 08:54:07 AM »
Does it suck because you are different, or because you have not found someone to share your differentness with?  I am my own special color of different. I am never at a loss for people who want to be my friend. Most of those are not people I want to be friends with. Acquaintances, sure, maybe an occasional lunch. I am also one for whom a little of people can go a long way, but the reason is because I need someone who doesn't want to be entertained 24/7. Who knows when alone time is good. Who has their own life that doesn't always rely on mine. I have some friends who need someone glued to them every waking minute, but we have an understanding and they don't get hurt that I don't want to spend all day long every Saturday with them. I have a bazillion things to do, and scarce down time to do it in.

I don't believe being different is a problem. Finding the people who enjoy and accept your kind of different is nor always easy, especially when your life is already filled with doing things. There is no room for someone else to see an opportunity to enter the busy. I like the idea of camping, taking pictures, hiking (easier to talk to someone while you are walking as opposed to cycling or running)  Doing things that are a little slower that might invite others into your life. My D complains she can't find anyone, but she works 12 hour days. Who are you going to meet?

Maybe find a diner instead of a bar? Karaoke night or open mike. Trail maintenance volunteer group. Start your own group. Don't wait for people to come to you, put your different out there, in a non stalkerish way. I have found so many people hungry for real conversation and many more overwhelmed with life and therefore no time for the Conversations they want to have. They are out there.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline gman242Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #28 on: October 04, 2019, 09:53:47 AM »
That is a lot of good thoughts off road!

That sounds a lot like me.. I need / prefer a lot of alone time to process, chill out, come up with ideas, think things over, research things I've been interested in. I prefer to have friends that a combo of here and there. We're great when we're hanging out and space is fine too..

I'm also much the same in that I always find people that are willing to be my friend. But I feel different and as I've lamented on here about with dating, I feel like people don't want to get to know me. I'm not sure if it's my location and or age group, but I've noticed that as you've pointed out yourself too that I think most people only see people's value or worth in terms of their entertainment value.

I'm really fine being social, but I feel drained and empty after a while, because as Treasur was saying, nobody is filling up my bucket. I feel different because if I was different, I could be more happy with superficial things and derive pleasure from being social, when it leaves me feeling empty instead.

Older people? I get along great with them. I value authenticity and character and they seem to have a lot of it. Maybe my soul is really 62 and my body is 35 I dunno.. lol. I do love camping and hiking and there are always people to meet.. I've met plenty of great, older folks. Even single or widowed women who are the nicest people I've ever met. In contrast, once, there was a woman about my age who pulled into the camp spot next to us and sat in her car until nightfall and then moved over two spots. It was obvious she didn't want to be talked to. In contrast, I've meet tons of young kids who are always willing to listen and talk about stuff.

Maybe it's me.. but I don't like the 30-50 somethings. If they're single women, they think you're going to hit on them and they avoid you. If they're couples, they don't have kids and it's tough dragging a 17 year old to "adult" things.  If they have kids, they're all 6-10ish. So being single, I think I'm in a really weird age group. With the 20 somethings, I enjoy being a cool older mentor type, but they're not really friends.

However, I agree 100% be yourself, do you thing. :) I've always kinda sorta done it, but I'm learning now to do it all the time. I don't know about Brain, but growing up, I was just so disliked for who I am I never learned to embrace it and just be it. Not that there's anything wrong with me..

I think it's hard to find people that just get how you are and that you can also relate to. You really seem to have mastered it though and perhaps Brain and I are just getting started with it. If I can speak for him, as I know we've kinda touched on the same thing ourselves.

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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Re: Wife's MLC 16
« Reply #29 on: October 04, 2019, 04:45:11 PM »
My granddaughter is in her first year at the college where I teach. She lives on campus but comes home weekends to work at our local grocery store. When she was planning to leave for college her younger brother was told he could have her room. I have a couple of spare bedrooms, a spare bathroom, and a spare living room so she moved in with me a couple of weeks before she left for college.

It's kind of disruptive having her living with me. She doesn't have a driver's license so I drive her back and forth to work which has really restricted my ability to go wherever I want whenever I want. When she's here she likes to play on her phone while streaming shows on the TV. My Internet connection doesn't have much bandwidth and I'm fortunate to even have it but when she's here there isn't much bandwidth for me to use. Mealtimes are a challenge because I don't really cook but she doesn't eat much and she doesn't mind warming up a can of Spaghetti-Os or chicken noodle soup for supper if we don't go out to eat. I'd have to say that the worst thing about having her staying with me is that the house is really, really empty now when she goes back to school.

 

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