Author Topic: My Story Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01  (Read 771 times)

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« on: October 02, 2019, 04:27:06 PM »
Hi sweet people,

I've been lurking here for ages and now I think it's time to start my own thread (and I'm SO hoping I'm doing it the right way). I will share my story soon, but I've got a very busy life and don't have a lot of time to write. I just don't want to hijack other people's threads, so here I am.

English is not my first language (I'm from the Netherlands), so it's highly possible that I write some strange things every now and then. Please forgive me for that.

A "quicky" (pun intended):

BD in june 2017. I knew something was wrong by the way he wrote on the card I got for our anniversary. Before that ... no clue! It was a sweet message, but not what I was used to (he's a very romantic guy). I asked him about it and here's what he said: "I don't feel happy anymore. I think there's something wrong with me. I think I'm having a Midlife Crisis."  :o
We talked about it a bit, but he didn't want to for too long. So I let it rest. The next day I asked him: "But ... are we okay??" And then ... BOOOOOOM! BD!

From that moment on things got weirder and weirder. He told me: "I know I love you, it's somewhere inside, but I can't reach it anymore". I have the feeling that I'm in love with someone else, but there's no person yet. Just the feeling of being in love. When I'm in bed with you, it feels like I'm cheating, but there's noone to cheat on.  :o :o I've GOT to have another relationship, just be with someone else for a year or so and then I'll come back."

We talked about it, but he needed a lot of time-outs. This from a guy who I could talk to about EVERYTHING. He changed in one day. A total 180. He was the one that had always said: "If one of us should feel there's something wrong or their feelings would change, we HAVE to tell the other one right away. Then we have to do everything we can to try to fix it."

Now I have to tell you something about me. I've always been independent and I've always been happy with myself. When this happened I told him: "You are not my property. If this is what you need to do then you need to do it. I will be here for you." I didn't beg for him to stay, but I did cry (understatement of the century).

Well, to make a long "quicky" even longer ... we joked about what kind of girlfriend he would find and I gave her a fake name. Now it sounds like I was all okay with this and that I was not hurt, but believe me I was ... big time. I love(d) him enough to give him the freedom he needed. I told him he had done so much good in the years before this (23 years together) that he had made me so happy, that he had built so much credit with me it was impossible to undo that. He cried his eyes out and was not sure bla bla bla (all the usual MLC stuff). I've told him that I was sure he would have an OW within two weeks.

And I was right. He hooked up with one of my best friends and has been living with her for 2 years now.

That's all for now folks. To be continued...
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #1 on: October 02, 2019, 05:52:43 PM »
Welcome to THS.  I'm sorry you found your way to us but if you've been lurking here you know what kind of place you've landed in. 

I hope you find us to be encouraging, supportive and helpful with the advice we offer. 
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline barbiedoll

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #2 on: October 02, 2019, 06:11:39 PM »
Flabbergasted ..Welcome to Heros Spouse and I am happy that you have been "lurking" and now feel ready to talk. So you are facing a "double " betrayal ( me too) and it is so utterly painful, and I am sorry that this has happened . You will be endlessly supported her , know you certainly are not alone and we are glad you found . You sound strong and will follow along your journey. Let us know a bit more when time permits ! Welcome !
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

Offline terra

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2019, 06:55:19 PM »
Your username is apt and reading your story, I feel that too. I am so very sorry you are subjected to this, but also very glad you’ve come out of lurking mode to tell about it.

Keep telling. I hope everyone here will be able to help you through, and although I am in the thick of it also, I feel sure this strange Now is NOT forever. I will watch for more of your story, and am wishing you well — KEEP TELLING.

Offline MyBrainIsBroken

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2019, 09:08:20 PM »
I'm sorry that your circumstances have brought you here but it sure looks like you're right about him having an MLC. I hope your participation in the forum is able to make this a little bit easier for you to go through.

Offline Shockandawe

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2019, 10:26:44 PM »
Hello Flabbergasted (great name btw),

Reading your post was like reading about what happened with my h.
He too said pretty much word for word what yours said. It’s the mindfu**ery that is so difficult to get your head around what with the total personality change not to mention the lie machine that swings into action until everything he says is another lie.
My sister says his whole life is now a lie which kind of explains it, (at least to my mind).
The ow has the person who is driving the crazy bus and I know I don’t want to be on there with him.
You sound strong, keep posting, keep reading it’s helped me immensely.

God bless you
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2019, 02:24:26 AM »
Welcome Flabbergasted to this very special place of understanding.

Your H said a lot at BD mine did and showed some of the same behaviour. 

So difficult he decided to live with one of your best friends, makes the situation more painful than it already is.

As you know, he is lost to you for now and will be for some time yet probably.  Keep reading and posting for support, we are all in the same boat.  He did show quite of lot of insight at the beginning as many do.  It's a pity it didn't last.  It's said the fog gets thicker as they go deeper into the tunnel and I have certainly sen that play out.

Your English is outstanding!
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Schratz66

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2019, 10:04:52 AM »
Welcome to the best place to be.
So glad you are sharing part of your story with us. My BD was around the same time frame and I did not see it coming either. None of us did.
Not that it matters, but I am not so sure he didn't have an emotional affair with your friend before BD. I do not quite believe the I feel like I am cheating but there is no actual person involved.
Do you have any kids together ?
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #8 on: October 03, 2019, 12:53:53 PM »
Thank you all so much for this warm welcome! I feel like I already know most of you. I've been reading here for 2 years now and know most of your stories. It has helped me tremendously!

stillbaffled:
I really do find you to be encouraging, supportive and helpful and I'm so thankful for that.

barbiedoll:
Your story I know very well. ;-) I've learned so much from reading your story and it has helped me to understand a lot.

terra:
Well ... Flabbergasted was the first word that came to mind when I told the first person about what happened (we also use it where I live). Everybody around me used the same word, because (like most of us here) we were seen as the "perfect couple". It was time to share my story. Actually long overdue, but there's so much I want to tell, that I just wouldn't start, lol.
And you're so right: this is NOT forever. I'm wishing you and all the others here the best life possible as well too. Because we've only got one, so we better use it the best way we can!

MyBrainIsBroken:
You've already been helping me ... more than you know (well, you probably do know).

Shockandawe:
I've read your story as well and it IS one big mindfiretruck. I'm happy for you that you have your sister to support you. Always good to have someone who's got our backs.
She has the person that I would have never laid eyes on if he were that way when I first met him. In this condition she may have him ... all wrapped up and tied with a bow.  ;D

Savoir Fair:
To be honest, I don't think the pain is worse because of my friend being the OW. Her I know and I can take her (figuratively speaking). With her I know what I'm dealing with. The insight he had in the first year was mindblowing! This is one of the things that made me hesitate to write here. It's soooooo much!
But it's good that he went in deeper. It's needed to come out on the other side. This is what I believe.
Thanks for the compliment. I do my best, but there are words that I just don't know. But ... never too old to learn. ;-)

Schratz66:
So we've been in this for about the same time. I hope you've found a (temporarily) new normal as well. We don't have kids.
I am sure that he didn't have an emotional affair with her before BD. And I do believe what he said 100%. I've seen it happen when it changed.

I will tell you how I think it works. I will use my ex-H as an example, but I honestly believe that this is the case more often:

Ex-H was feeling terrible and didn't know why, how or what. His brain needed to make an emergency move to keep him from falling apart. He told me that he even had moments that he felt dissociated from his own body and it scared the heck out of him. He could look at his hand and don't feel like it was attached to him. Then he would run ice cold or hot water over it to feel it again. It was not the numb feeling that you can have when you've had it in the same position too long, but really like it was NOT his hand.

His brain needed a high boost and what gives you that feeling? Being in love. So, in my opinion he was in love with being in love. That's why it wouldn't had mattered which other woman would show up. It was just the first one that was available. He made up a "fantasy mask" in his troubled mind and put it on the first one that would accept it. For me it's a knowing that in time this mask will slip and he will see the truth again.

Believe me, I have zero expectations and I know that if and when he wakes up it doesn't mean he will come back to me. But I do have a "knowing" that he will wake up from this and see it as it is. Until then and even after that 'till the end of days ... I have a life to live ... MY life!  ;)
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #9 on: October 03, 2019, 01:07:23 PM »
By the way ... why is my post in pink? Does anyone know?  :o
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline Surviving2019

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2019, 01:33:48 PM »
I'm new to this forum, but this sounds very much like what happened with my H. I had sensed something was off and asked him about it. I remember saying to him, "I love you very much and if you need to go to be happy, then I will support you." He cried. Told me he wanted to be with me. I didn't think that much about it because we have always been honest. Similar to yours, he had told me that if feelings ever changed we needed to discuss and fix. So I figured he was just going through some stress.

Fast forward a few months later and BAM I found out about the EA. I definitely wasn't nice or supportive at that point. I was devastated. I was hurt. He moved out a few weeks later. We lived apart for 18 months with pretty frequent contact and amicability. He came back suddenly at the end of April 2019, thanked me for supporting him, for being kind, for not "destroying him" or telling everyone about the affair, for being gracious. Then he left in the middle of August 2019. This is a major rollercoaster ride! You are not alone

Offline Thunder

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2019, 02:07:50 PM »
It had to be approved for some reason.  I think it is just a glitch in the system that happens once in awhile.

You're good to go.   ;D

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Shockandawe

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #12 on: October 03, 2019, 02:24:19 PM »
Hello Surviving and Flabbergasted

Isn’t it amazing just how similar the words coming out of our MLCERs mouths are?
Mines turned into a gold medalist in the biggest liar in the world contest.🤥 My sister who’s an ex MLCer as well as others on this forum have made me understand that their whole life is now a lie and so they lie. They lie about things they don’t need to lie about but I think it’s because we are now the enemy in their fog addled brains. It’s mind blowing and I had to try to detach from the roller coaster and am still attempting to do so but it is getting easier.
Here on the forum everyone understands the complete mindf**k when people in real life don’t.
God bless you
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #13 on: October 03, 2019, 02:45:18 PM »
Ohhhh Surviving, it really sounds the same. I'm so sorry you had to go through that false return. As I've said on another thread, I have friends in RL who've experienced the same. He had an OW for about 3 years. Lived with her and her son, while he totally abandoned his wife and 2 kids. He came home, was there for about 2 months and left again to live with the OW. 3 months later he had an awakening and went home to his family. He has been home for 3 years now and they are reconciled and happy. He told me, that the first time he went home he was awake, but not totally. He went home more for his family than for himself. In hindsight he says that the journey was not finished yet. He had to go back to finish it. But he can't for the life of him understand why he felt that way. He says he was a totally different man then. That his thinking was different. The last time he came back home, he did it because HE wanted it for himself. His feelings for his wife returned totally. A week before that final return he had said to his wife, that he would never return because the OW was the love of his life and he wanted to grow old with her. He keeps saying: awake is awake and there was no other option than returning home.
Stay strong, girl!
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #14 on: October 03, 2019, 02:46:03 PM »
Thank you, Thunder. I'm glad that I can post legally again, hahaha.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #15 on: October 03, 2019, 02:58:16 PM »
Shock,

It really is amazing! Detaching is so hard and I believe you can only do that when YOU'RE ready. Everybody can tell you to detach, but you have to feel it for yourself. I think it's the same with our MLC'ers. They might know that something's off, but they can't feel it and can't handle it in a different way than they are doing. Until they can and then they will. Hope I'm making some sense here.  ;D

I am very fortunate to have people in my life that DO understand. I have 2 very close girlfriends and a few other friends, my mother, my ex-MIL and ex-BIL and they ALL believe in MLC and understand everything I tell them. They are also abandoned by ex-H, where once he was the sweetest, most compassionate, caring human being that we all knew. So they knew from the start there was something VERY wrong here.

One of my best friends is also a psychiatrist. I can talk to her about MLC and even though  it's not recognized, she believes in it as well and she can tell me things about the brain. It's all so fascinating. So sad we are all crushed while being fascinated.

Bless you too, sweet Shock. Hang in there.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline Surviving2019

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #16 on: October 03, 2019, 03:36:30 PM »
Ohhhh Surviving, it really sounds the same. I'm so sorry you had to go through that false return. As I've said on another thread, I have friends in RL who've experienced the same. He had an OW for about 3 years. Lived with her and her son, while he totally abandoned his wife and 2 kids. He came home, was there for about 2 months and left again to live with the OW. 3 months later he had an awakening and went home to his family. He has been home for 3 years now and they are reconciled and happy. He told me, that the first time he went home he was awake, but not totally. He went home more for his family than for himself. In hindsight he says that the journey was not finished yet. He had to go back to finish it. But he can't for the life of him understand why he felt that way. He says he was a totally different man then. That his thinking was different. The last time he came back home, he did it because HE wanted it for himself. His feelings for his wife returned totally. A week before that final return he had said to his wife, that he would never return because the OW was the love of his life and he wanted to grow old with her. He keeps saying: awake is awake and there was no other option than returning home.

Stay strong, girl!

Thanks for the encouragement. I think him leaving this second time is actually worse then the first time.  I'm a little shocked because he seemed to understand how his EA affected me as well as his leaving the first time, so it's hard to know that he did this again. I so feel like giving up this time around. It's still fresh though so that will probably change.

I was just thinking today how much different he is now then the majority of our marriage. He's thrown himself into work and will be out of town 3 out of the next 4 weekends. Before his MLC, we would spend every other weekend (had his kids 50% of the time) doing things together and he didn't do anything with his work. Now....it's all about work and advancing his career even though he will be 59 next week. He use to talk about retirement and all the things we would do. If I were to ask him today, I bet he has no intention of retiring anytime soon. I think he's still in the tunnel.  I hope he takes some steps to get out of it soon. I'm a bit tired of not having my companion to share my life with.

« Last Edit: October 03, 2019, 03:37:31 PM by Surviving2019 »

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #17 on: October 03, 2019, 03:51:26 PM »
Oh my, you've got the "quote thingy" handled already. I'm not there yet. Anyway...
The wife of my ex-MLC friend (this gets more complicated by the minute lol) was truly DONE with him when he left the second time. And he was in deeper than before. Of course it's your call and when you're done, you're done.

Wife was on a forum like this one, but in our own country. That's how I've met them. When ex-MLC friend came home the first time, he also wrote on that forum. Telling everybody "how it has been for him and her" and seemed rather clear headed. He still left for a second time. The fog pulled him in once again and this time with a vengeance.

I don't want to give you false hope and it's up to you if you are done or not. But this is what happened to them. So there's always hope...
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2019, 09:59:43 PM »
By the way ... why is my post in pink? Does anyone know?  :o

Good morning,

"Flabbergasted" eh? I haven't heard that word in ages.... Actually, since I've been in Germany,,,, but in Colorado, where I'm originally from, regularly.

Your post was in pink until approved by a Mod. For those posting initially, it is only until one of the Admins gives you posting rights. It is a third-level check to keep the board from being spammed and to give the mods a chance to make sure no personally identifying inf made its way into the first one or two postings

UM
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2019, 04:39:22 PM »
Hi UM, sorry for the tardy reply.  :-[ Thanks for explaining. So you live in Germany? We are practically neighbours then lol.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #20 on: October 09, 2019, 05:25:13 PM »
Ehhhhh ... HELP! I tried to post an update, but got this message:

CleanTalk: *** Forbidden. Please enable JavaScript. Message seems to be spam. ***

I swear I've not used bad language of any kind.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline Surviving2019

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #21 on: October 09, 2019, 06:56:39 PM »
Maybe try again? Might have been a glitch on the forum when you tried it?

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #22 on: October 09, 2019, 07:00:09 PM »
I’ve tried a few times. Will try again tomorrow.  ;) I’m already in bed. It’s 4am for me. Wayyyyy past my bedtime.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2019, 01:34:38 AM »
Ehhhhh ... HELP! I tried to post an update, but got this message:

CleanTalk: *** Forbidden. Please enable JavaScript. Message seems to be spam. ***

I swear I've not used bad language of any kind.

If you are posting from a PC without JavaScript enabled, this error can occur. "CleanTalk" is a modification that allows screening"(not perfect but better than nothing) of posts to ensure that the Forum is not being spammed. It likely has nothing to do with the content of your actual post but rather that the check can not be run since you apparently do not have JavaScript enabled.

Also, be aware that the use of Emoji's embedded in the text like you can put in from a smartphone or tablet can sometimes cause issues and throw an error.

HS Members are everywhere...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2019, 11:55:18 AM »
Thanks again, UM. I will drop the Emoji's and try again.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #25 on: October 10, 2019, 11:57:53 AM »
The "reasons" he left me and some other weird stuff he has said:
 
Right after BD:
- you always wear clothes with flowers on them  :o :o :o (I bought one bathing suit with flowers and that's the only thing that I own with flowers. OW however, wears flowers ALL the time. Or should I say wore, because these days she's dressed like me)
- you let the groceries be delivered (that's true)
- you always wear comfortable clothes at home (also true, but I dressed up for him every now and then. He did add that to the conversation and thanked me for that, because he really appreciated that)
- I always have to wait for you (couldn't really explain what he meant by that)
- you always invite people to visit (true)
 
A few weeks after BD:
- we live in a different dimension
- I know I love you and it's somewhere inside, but I can't reach it anymore
- I HAVE to do this, I NEED to have a whole new life
- I don't know who I am and who I will become and I'm not sure if you'll like who I will become
- I hope we will be together again someday, but I know it will take a long time
 
7 months after BD:
- you manipulate me
- if my childhood would have been different, maybe I would not have fallen in love with you
- you will always be the love of my life, but I can't be with you because that's not my path
- I respect you so much more than I do OW
- She (OW) doesn't matter, you don't matter and even I don't matter, but I SHOULD matter
 
10 months after BD:
- Maybe I'm going to have sex with your sister (who he didn't like that much before MLC). It shouldn't matter, right? Because we are no longer a couple (he was already living with OW at that time)
- You're a narcissist and I'm a conflict avoider, so we can never be together again
- Maybe we will be together again someday. Anything can happen.
- I have a difficult relationship with OW (they fight a lot)
 
12 months after BD:
- To the mediator at the divorce meeting about me: she's funny, smart, soooo sweet, beautiful, we could talk about everything, she made me feel relaxed, we had a great life together, made music together, everything fits. About OW: she's new and surprising. (The mediator said to me that he had never had two people in his office that talked so caring and loving about each other while divorcing. He said the talk was more like a pre-wedding talk).
 
18 months after BD:
- before I didn't know, but now I know why I left you ... you are too content with life  ???
- What I liked about our relationship is that it felt safe, I felt relaxed, we had so much fun together, we could talk about everything, we had a great relationship, from the moment I met you everything felt right, you are funny, smart, beautiful, sweet, strong.
 
20 months after BD:
We have no personal conversations anymore, we only talk about work every now and then (our companies work together). I never initiate the talks and I never call or text him. I always make sure I reach out to his business partner. Sometimes he contacts me about work for days or weeks in a row and when he starts to get comfortable by talking to me I think he gets spooked and I won't hear from him for months.
 
28 months after BD:
That's where we are now. He's in the pull mood again and we have "normal" conversations about work where I throw in a joke here and there, but absolutely NOTHING personal. I can feel he likes it and he gives me an occasional compliment about something work wise I've done so I'm guessing he will withdraw again soon.
 
On with the crazy ride we go…
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #26 on: October 11, 2019, 02:06:41 AM »
Trying to make sense of a Mid-Lifers thought processes is like trying to taste green with your elbow....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #27 on: October 11, 2019, 02:11:00 AM »
I know, right?!  ;D
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #28 on: October 12, 2019, 06:41:53 AM »
Attaching!  What a ride!
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 39

BD1-April 2018-Unrecognized by me until way later, he is unhappy, wants counseling.
BD2-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #29 on: October 14, 2019, 02:49:15 AM »
Nice to have a record of what he says over the time to prove it's definitely MLC and not a marriage problem.

Let's hope he has the courage to work on his issues.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

 

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