Author Topic: My Story Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01  (Read 606 times)

Online Surviving2019

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My Story Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2019, 01:33:48 PM »
I'm new to this forum, but this sounds very much like what happened with my H. I had sensed something was off and asked him about it. I remember saying to him, "I love you very much and if you need to go to be happy, then I will support you." He cried. Told me he wanted to be with me. I didn't think that much about it because we have always been honest. Similar to yours, he had told me that if feelings ever changed we needed to discuss and fix. So I figured he was just going through some stress.

Fast forward a few months later and BAM I found out about the EA. I definitely wasn't nice or supportive at that point. I was devastated. I was hurt. He moved out a few weeks later. We lived apart for 18 months with pretty frequent contact and amicability. He came back suddenly at the end of April 2019, thanked me for supporting him, for being kind, for not "destroying him" or telling everyone about the affair, for being gracious. Then he left in the middle of August 2019. This is a major rollercoaster ride! You are not alone

Offline Thunder

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2019, 02:07:50 PM »
It had to be approved for some reason.  I think it is just a glitch in the system that happens once in awhile.

You're good to go.   ;D

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Shockandawe

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #12 on: October 03, 2019, 02:24:19 PM »
Hello Surviving and Flabbergasted

Isn’t it amazing just how similar the words coming out of our MLCERs mouths are?
Mines turned into a gold medalist in the biggest liar in the world contest.🤥 My sister who’s an ex MLCer as well as others on this forum have made me understand that their whole life is now a lie and so they lie. They lie about things they don’t need to lie about but I think it’s because we are now the enemy in their fog addled brains. It’s mind blowing and I had to try to detach from the roller coaster and am still attempting to do so but it is getting easier.
Here on the forum everyone understands the complete mindf**k when people in real life don’t.
God bless you

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #13 on: October 03, 2019, 02:45:18 PM »
Ohhhh Surviving, it really sounds the same. I'm so sorry you had to go through that false return. As I've said on another thread, I have friends in RL who've experienced the same. He had an OW for about 3 years. Lived with her and her son, while he totally abandoned his wife and 2 kids. He came home, was there for about 2 months and left again to live with the OW. 3 months later he had an awakening and went home to his family. He has been home for 3 years now and they are reconciled and happy. He told me, that the first time he went home he was awake, but not totally. He went home more for his family than for himself. In hindsight he says that the journey was not finished yet. He had to go back to finish it. But he can't for the life of him understand why he felt that way. He says he was a totally different man then. That his thinking was different. The last time he came back home, he did it because HE wanted it for himself. His feelings for his wife returned totally. A week before that final return he had said to his wife, that he would never return because the OW was the love of his life and he wanted to grow old with her. He keeps saying: awake is awake and there was no other option than returning home.
Stay strong, girl!
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #14 on: October 03, 2019, 02:46:03 PM »
Thank you, Thunder. I'm glad that I can post legally again, hahaha.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #15 on: October 03, 2019, 02:58:16 PM »
Shock,

It really is amazing! Detaching is so hard and I believe you can only do that when YOU'RE ready. Everybody can tell you to detach, but you have to feel it for yourself. I think it's the same with our MLC'ers. They might know that something's off, but they can't feel it and can't handle it in a different way than they are doing. Until they can and then they will. Hope I'm making some sense here.  ;D

I am very fortunate to have people in my life that DO understand. I have 2 very close girlfriends and a few other friends, my mother, my ex-MIL and ex-BIL and they ALL believe in MLC and understand everything I tell them. They are also abandoned by ex-H, where once he was the sweetest, most compassionate, caring human being that we all knew. So they knew from the start there was something VERY wrong here.

One of my best friends is also a psychiatrist. I can talk to her about MLC and even though  it's not recognized, she believes in it as well and she can tell me things about the brain. It's all so fascinating. So sad we are all crushed while being fascinated.

Bless you too, sweet Shock. Hang in there.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Online Surviving2019

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #16 on: October 03, 2019, 03:36:30 PM »
Ohhhh Surviving, it really sounds the same. I'm so sorry you had to go through that false return. As I've said on another thread, I have friends in RL who've experienced the same. He had an OW for about 3 years. Lived with her and her son, while he totally abandoned his wife and 2 kids. He came home, was there for about 2 months and left again to live with the OW. 3 months later he had an awakening and went home to his family. He has been home for 3 years now and they are reconciled and happy. He told me, that the first time he went home he was awake, but not totally. He went home more for his family than for himself. In hindsight he says that the journey was not finished yet. He had to go back to finish it. But he can't for the life of him understand why he felt that way. He says he was a totally different man then. That his thinking was different. The last time he came back home, he did it because HE wanted it for himself. His feelings for his wife returned totally. A week before that final return he had said to his wife, that he would never return because the OW was the love of his life and he wanted to grow old with her. He keeps saying: awake is awake and there was no other option than returning home.

Stay strong, girl!

Thanks for the encouragement. I think him leaving this second time is actually worse then the first time.  I'm a little shocked because he seemed to understand how his EA affected me as well as his leaving the first time, so it's hard to know that he did this again. I so feel like giving up this time around. It's still fresh though so that will probably change.

I was just thinking today how much different he is now then the majority of our marriage. He's thrown himself into work and will be out of town 3 out of the next 4 weekends. Before his MLC, we would spend every other weekend (had his kids 50% of the time) doing things together and he didn't do anything with his work. Now....it's all about work and advancing his career even though he will be 59 next week. He use to talk about retirement and all the things we would do. If I were to ask him today, I bet he has no intention of retiring anytime soon. I think he's still in the tunnel.  I hope he takes some steps to get out of it soon. I'm a bit tired of not having my companion to share my life with.

« Last Edit: October 03, 2019, 03:37:31 PM by Surviving2019 »

Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #17 on: October 03, 2019, 03:51:26 PM »
Oh my, you've got the "quote thingy" handled already. I'm not there yet. Anyway...
The wife of my ex-MLC friend (this gets more complicated by the minute lol) was truly DONE with him when he left the second time. And he was in deeper than before. Of course it's your call and when you're done, you're done.

Wife was on a forum like this one, but in our own country. That's how I've met them. When ex-MLC friend came home the first time, he also wrote on that forum. Telling everybody "how it has been for him and her" and seemed rather clear headed. He still left for a second time. The fog pulled him in once again and this time with a vengeance.

I don't want to give you false hope and it's up to you if you are done or not. But this is what happened to them. So there's always hope...
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2019, 09:59:43 PM »
By the way ... why is my post in pink? Does anyone know?  :o

Good morning,

"Flabbergasted" eh? I haven't heard that word in ages.... Actually, since I've been in Germany,,,, but in Colorado, where I'm originally from, regularly.

Your post was in pink until approved by a Mod. For those posting initially, it is only until one of the Admins gives you posting rights. It is a third-level check to keep the board from being spammed and to give the mods a chance to make sure no personally identifying inf made its way into the first one or two postings

UM
Me - 56
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Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
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BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
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Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2019, 04:39:22 PM »
Hi UM, sorry for the tardy reply.  :-[ Thanks for explaining. So you live in Germany? We are practically neighbours then lol.
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