Author Topic: My Story Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01  (Read 769 times)

Online FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #20 on: October 09, 2019, 05:25:13 PM »
Ehhhhh ... HELP! I tried to post an update, but got this message:

CleanTalk: *** Forbidden. Please enable JavaScript. Message seems to be spam. ***

I swear I've not used bad language of any kind.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline Surviving2019

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #21 on: October 09, 2019, 06:56:39 PM »
Maybe try again? Might have been a glitch on the forum when you tried it?

Online FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #22 on: October 09, 2019, 07:00:09 PM »
I’ve tried a few times. Will try again tomorrow.  ;) I’m already in bed. It’s 4am for me. Wayyyyy past my bedtime.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2019, 01:34:38 AM »
Ehhhhh ... HELP! I tried to post an update, but got this message:

CleanTalk: *** Forbidden. Please enable JavaScript. Message seems to be spam. ***

I swear I've not used bad language of any kind.

If you are posting from a PC without JavaScript enabled, this error can occur. "CleanTalk" is a modification that allows screening"(not perfect but better than nothing) of posts to ensure that the Forum is not being spammed. It likely has nothing to do with the content of your actual post but rather that the check can not be run since you apparently do not have JavaScript enabled.

Also, be aware that the use of Emoji's embedded in the text like you can put in from a smartphone or tablet can sometimes cause issues and throw an error.

HS Members are everywhere...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2019, 11:55:18 AM »
Thanks again, UM. I will drop the Emoji's and try again.
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Online FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #25 on: October 10, 2019, 11:57:53 AM »
The "reasons" he left me and some other weird stuff he has said:
 
Right after BD:
- you always wear clothes with flowers on them  :o :o :o (I bought one bathing suit with flowers and that's the only thing that I own with flowers. OW however, wears flowers ALL the time. Or should I say wore, because these days she's dressed like me)
- you let the groceries be delivered (that's true)
- you always wear comfortable clothes at home (also true, but I dressed up for him every now and then. He did add that to the conversation and thanked me for that, because he really appreciated that)
- I always have to wait for you (couldn't really explain what he meant by that)
- you always invite people to visit (true)
 
A few weeks after BD:
- we live in a different dimension
- I know I love you and it's somewhere inside, but I can't reach it anymore
- I HAVE to do this, I NEED to have a whole new life
- I don't know who I am and who I will become and I'm not sure if you'll like who I will become
- I hope we will be together again someday, but I know it will take a long time
 
7 months after BD:
- you manipulate me
- if my childhood would have been different, maybe I would not have fallen in love with you
- you will always be the love of my life, but I can't be with you because that's not my path
- I respect you so much more than I do OW
- She (OW) doesn't matter, you don't matter and even I don't matter, but I SHOULD matter
 
10 months after BD:
- Maybe I'm going to have sex with your sister (who he didn't like that much before MLC). It shouldn't matter, right? Because we are no longer a couple (he was already living with OW at that time)
- You're a narcissist and I'm a conflict avoider, so we can never be together again
- Maybe we will be together again someday. Anything can happen.
- I have a difficult relationship with OW (they fight a lot)
 
12 months after BD:
- To the mediator at the divorce meeting about me: she's funny, smart, soooo sweet, beautiful, we could talk about everything, she made me feel relaxed, we had a great life together, made music together, everything fits. About OW: she's new and surprising. (The mediator said to me that he had never had two people in his office that talked so caring and loving about each other while divorcing. He said the talk was more like a pre-wedding talk).
 
18 months after BD:
- before I didn't know, but now I know why I left you ... you are too content with life  ???
- What I liked about our relationship is that it felt safe, I felt relaxed, we had so much fun together, we could talk about everything, we had a great relationship, from the moment I met you everything felt right, you are funny, smart, beautiful, sweet, strong.
 
20 months after BD:
We have no personal conversations anymore, we only talk about work every now and then (our companies work together). I never initiate the talks and I never call or text him. I always make sure I reach out to his business partner. Sometimes he contacts me about work for days or weeks in a row and when he starts to get comfortable by talking to me I think he gets spooked and I won't hear from him for months.
 
28 months after BD:
That's where we are now. He's in the pull mood again and we have "normal" conversations about work where I throw in a joke here and there, but absolutely NOTHING personal. I can feel he likes it and he gives me an occasional compliment about something work wise I've done so I'm guessing he will withdraw again soon.
 
On with the crazy ride we go…
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #26 on: October 11, 2019, 02:06:41 AM »
Trying to make sense of a Mid-Lifers thought processes is like trying to taste green with your elbow....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online FlabbergastedTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #27 on: October 11, 2019, 02:11:00 AM »
I know, right?!  ;D
I believe in us, but most of all I believe in me!

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #28 on: October 12, 2019, 06:41:53 AM »
Attaching!  What a ride!
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 39

BD1-April 2018-Unrecognized by me until way later, he is unhappy, wants counseling.
BD2-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Unwanted Flabberguest in MLC land 01
« Reply #29 on: October 14, 2019, 02:49:15 AM »
Nice to have a record of what he says over the time to prove it's definitely MLC and not a marriage problem.

Let's hope he has the courage to work on his issues.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

 

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