Author Topic: My Story Seriously?! Now he wants to get back together.  (Read 489 times)

Online Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2541
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Seriously?! Now he wants to get back together.
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2019, 05:44:01 AM »
Well I am in a similar time frame.

I have recently realised I am truly done too. There just isn't anything left after all the mess.

If you do want to try to reconcile then by all means do, but my gut feeling is that he is panicked because he found out about your date. He will likely get you back on the hook then cut and run again. But...I could be wrong.  :)

You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8539
  • Gender: Female
Re: Seriously?! Now he wants to get back together.
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2019, 06:10:10 AM »
All you can do really Moving is give it a little time to see if the new version is real or appealing to you, and to see how you feel deep down.

Are you having an MLC? Idk...more likely you are just feeling unsure and uncertain about whether moving on (pardon the pun) might be easier. Let's face it, you were married to Version A, then Version B pops up and tells you Version A never loved you for 14 years and you're a horrible person, now some Version C appears saying that it was all a mistake and Version A was the real one? Understandable that you feel pretty confused imho. And you have kids. And you were so close to the divorce being final that you had probably started to envisage a life without him in it. And him finding out about the date as factor makes you suspicious probably. All quite sane and sensible.

What do you think about the guy you see in front of you now?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Ms.MovingOnTopic starterTopic starter

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 41
  • Gender: Female
Re: Seriously?! Now he wants to get back together.
« Reply #12 on: October 09, 2019, 11:22:51 AM »
Mortesbride,

I believe you are correct. I feel like he just doesn’t want me to be with anyone else. He’s really trying, but I don’t think it will last. I’m in a spot where do I want to keep my family together and hope feelings return, or just cut ties and move on. I was already in a good place- thanks to a lot of you here, and I feel like I would be better off alone. I feel like I’m still young enough-36 to find someone. You just hear all these stories about people who divorce and then carry the same problems to the next relationship. I was married at 21, so I know nothing else as far as marriage goes. We didn’t live together until after we were married, so I don’t know if things would be better with someone else.

Treasur,

You are absolutely right. I was envisioning myself moving on and I liked it. I loved the freedom, the time spent with our kids, and not having to answer to anyone. The stbxh was very critical, so having him gone was a weight lifted off my shoulders. The guy I see in front of me now is someone I pity. I feel terrible that I don’t have feelings for him. He’s trying very hard, but I’m just not there. I’ve realized I’m not having a MLC, but at times I feel numb and removed. I see that like he once was, I am withdrawn, want space, and don’t want to talk about feelings.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2019, 11:24:58 AM by Ms.MovingOn »

Offline Standing Strong

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 455
  • Gender: Male
Re: Seriously?! Now he wants to get back together.
« Reply #13 on: October 09, 2019, 01:41:45 PM »
Hey MMO,

I'm not sure if this applies..... but HB wrote about this exact thing..... she said when her H came out of MLC she had zero feelings for him and was totally disconnected.
If I remember correctly, it took time before she'd believe his attempts were real and have her own feelings return. She described it as the love being frozen and it took a choice to turn it back on.

I don't think feeling this way is unusual where you are now.

-SS
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9189
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Seriously?! Now he wants to get back together.
« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2019, 03:13:54 AM »
Ms.,

If we simply look at the time scales, 2 years would be on the bleeding edge of a short MLC. This may be an early return, a Touch-and-Go, or maybe he really DID get his head out of his .... fog... Only time will tell that .... It could also be that he has suddenly gotten cold feet now that his D that he apparently wanted is staring him in the face... Lots of possible reasons to speculate over...

Regardless, only time will tell if he is for real or if your feelings revive. Is the Version C, as Treasur put it, someone that you would like to have in your life? Maybe taking a look at it through the "This is someone I have never met before that happens to look like the person formerly known as H" might be a way to look at it...

UM
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8539
  • Gender: Female
Re: Seriously?! Now he wants to get back together.
« Reply #15 on: October 10, 2019, 05:20:18 AM »
Moving...the main thing I think is to take your time and slowly tune in to how you really feel and what you really want. Nothing to do with your h at all at least initially, but how YOU feel. It is one of those big choices in life so what matters is - whatever choice you make and however that choice turns out - you know why you made it and that you did everything you could to make a choice that you can live with either way. A few more weeks even months won't be the end of the world but a choice you feel peaceful about is important. Ironically not at all what our spouses seem to do lol...but the old rule of 3 is not a bad way to let you feel out what your own truth is.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.