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Author Topic: MLC Monster Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10

S
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MLC Monster Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
OP: October 19, 2019, 07:23:18 AM
Thank you Thunder

New thread time again.



Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11137.0
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« Last Edit: October 19, 2019, 08:31:20 AM by Thunder »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “
m
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#1: October 19, 2019, 07:33:40 AM
It’s interesting that sometimes two things can be absolutely true at the same time and not negate each other if we stop trying to make everything black and white. Like someone can apologize and take responsibility for their actions, and still not be able to control those actions at the time. To take responsibility and understand the consequences is different than going back and rewriting history to pretend they could have prevented those actions.

Also I want to note the SS got beat up for NOT sharing how she felt, and almost immediately got beat up and told she was being manipulative when she did finally decide to tell her husband. I think a lot of us see this through the lens of our own hurt.

I for one think telling was the better choice, I don’t think anyone is responsible for protecting others from the truth. And it was brave, healing for all and really shows how far you have come for yourself. There are no conditions I can imagine where it would be wrong if one day my wife shared a truth like that. No matter where we stood it would be an important step.
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No Kids, 23 years at BD1 (4 years), married 21
First signs of MLC Jan '15
BD 1 Jan '17, BD 2 Mar, Separated Apr, BD 3 May,BD 4 Jun '18
First Sign of Waking up-Dec '17, First Cycle out of MLC Mar '18-Jun ‘18, Second cycle Jul '18-??
Meets OM Jan '17 and acts "in love," admits "in love" Jun '18, asks for divorce Jul '18, no change since, keeps "not leaving"
N
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#2: October 19, 2019, 07:41:40 AM
Don't conflate things/people. I wasn't one of those pushing her to tell her XH in the first place. I felt it was her choice to do so or not. And I don't have a problem with her having done so, but I do think telling someone who is married to someone else that you love them is inappropriate no matter what the circumstances.
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#3: October 19, 2019, 07:46:00 AM
I agree... not our life.. not our choice.
Shocksis is very brave to come forward on a site like this and share her experience. No two Mlcer are a Like.

I for one appreciate ss for her contribution  as well as respect her for her decision to wait to talk to her xh. The time will come.
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« Last Edit: October 19, 2019, 07:47:12 AM by Shelly7435 »
M 54
H 49
M 12 years; together 17 years
D19, S29
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 vanisher
5/17 Divorce final
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#4: October 19, 2019, 07:49:17 AM
Hi Shelly,

If you look back on the end of SS's last thread, she did decide to tell him. It was time.   :)
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#5: October 19, 2019, 07:56:24 AM
SS, you have eased your former husbands soul by apologising to him, how I have longed for the same thing. You have grown since being here and it’s in the right direction. I would imagine it has lifted a big weight off your shoulders too. I wish you continued growth, wisdom and happiness and thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#6: October 19, 2019, 08:04:15 AM
Oh no I missed it. I’ll go back and read.
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M 54
H 49
M 12 years; together 17 years
D19, S29
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 vanisher
5/17 Divorce final
M
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#7: October 19, 2019, 08:09:08 AM
Shock's Sis. Congratulations on having the conversation with your ex. IMO that was a very brave thing to do.

Congratulations, also, on posting on the forum about the conversation you had with your ex. IMO, that was an even braver thing to do.

There are a few people on this forum who will simply never get it. Perhaps they don't even want to get it, because if they did they might feel forced to have some compassion for the MLCer. It seems pretty easy for them to find fault with everything that you do. I wonder what we would find if we put their lives under a microscope and started second guessing all of their choices. I suspect we could find a lot of things in their lives to criticize if we looked closely enough.

I hope you'll forgive me for the preceding paragraph. Apparently, you're not allowed to feel even the slightest bit defensive so I'm feeling a bit defensive on your behalf. I'm afraid I haven't yet achieved the level of emotional maturity that you have. I still have a tendency to react when somebody pokes me with a stick.

IMO, you're a wonderful person. This forum is fortunate to have you here. The world is a better place because you are in it. It wasn't right that you had to experience the things you experienced in your life prior to your MLC and you don't deserve to be treated the way a few on here have been treating you. I continue to be bewildered by people's intolerance. I hope that you have been able to go back and find that perfect, innocent little girl you once were before life treated you so cruelly and that you and her are able to make a fresh new start.

Thank you for posting. Reading your words and your gracious responses to the questions asked of you and challenges directed at you has made a big difference in my life. I appreciate you for having the altruism and the courage to post here.
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m
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#8: October 19, 2019, 08:17:25 AM
Everything Brain said.

I also think to apologize is the final action you can make proving you are completely out of MLC.

Not that you needed any.
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« Last Edit: October 19, 2019, 08:21:33 AM by megogirl »
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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 10
#9: October 19, 2019, 10:15:52 AM
Jack and MBIB I wanted to quote you both as it’s how I also feel!

So glad you feel better Sis and I am sure it has given your XH a level of peace he deserves. I hate to think of other recovered MLCers deciding not to do the same thing for their LBS thinking it is in their LBS’s better interest to keep it to themselves.

Your news made me smile, thanks for sharing it!
Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30
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