[Milly]

Sis, I think what you did was very considerate. I bet it was hard to do, took a lot of courage. I hope it helps your H. I know it would help me immensely. Thank you.

[Standing Strong]

Right on Shocks, you did the right thing (never easy).

Very proud of you. Your (ex)H needed that, and it will mean so much to him even if he can't process it now.

Very, very awesome.

-SS

[3Boys4Me]

Congrats Shock Sis,
That’s fantastic, both for you and your LBS - I hope this brings you both some peace and that your LBS can now understand it really was never him.

Your apology is clear and heartfelt. Acknowledging you were in MLC and could not stop it doesn’t diminish the apology - it in fact reinforces what many believe is a hallmark of MLC, that there is a compulsive quality to it and once it begins, it must be traversed all the way to the end. Much damage is done along the way and you have owned that damage with grace. There will always be haters for which “the pound of flesh” is never enough.

I hope you continue to post, I am grateful for your contributions.

[Shockandawe]

Hello everyone

I would just like to say thank you for all of your understanding and support. Your words touched me deeply and I feel blessed to be here amongst you all.
I am glad to be able to give you all a perspective on MLC that in some way gives you the understanding which you may not have had before.
I will continue to answer and again thank you all, you are all very special people.

[marvin4242]

Don't conflate things/people. I wasn't one of those pushing her to tell her XH in the first place. I felt it was her choice to do so or not. And I don't have a problem with her having done so, but I do think telling someone who is married to someone else that you love them is inappropriate no matter what the circumstances.

If that was in response to me I am not conflating anything, I was pointing out different reactions covering either decision.

We all have our beliefs, mine are that no one is responsible for the decisions of another. So whoever tells me wife “I love you” it is my wife’s decision what she did/does with that. The world is not responsible for our choices or to protect the people involved with us, if we can not trust our friends/partners there is no there there.

And additionally in this context there was long term existing relationship that was impacted, and this was in context of that set of events. It wasn’t like SS walked up to some random stranger on the street to state what she felt in the past and present.

[Wilderheart]

Thank you for being here, hope you are ok

Massive hugs

[Puzzled]

Shocks sis, what great news to hear that you took courage and talked to your H.  I do believe that this is a major step for both your and your H's healing.  I've come to think that my H's speechlessness relating to childhood events is central to his MLC.  If he approached me someday to talk about these crazy last few years candidly and with regret, I would know that he was on his way to fully recover from this and that his MLC was not in vain. 

[megogirl]

Everything Puzzled just said‼️

[OffRoad]

Shock's Sis, owning that the things you said to your XH while in MLC were not true, that none of it was his fault, and that it was all in your (at that time) MLC head and apologizing for it was undoubtedly very hard and I'm sure it was very hard for your XH  to hear it. He is going to have some heavy processing to do. There will be some relief that it wasn't about him, some anger that he was put through all that and maybe some that he is where he is now, likely a lot of confusion for him.

That took guts on your part, and will continue to take strength if he needs more answers from you as he processes. The making amends portion can be very difficult. It is very impressive to be able to step up and do that. Thank you very much for your posts, your experience, and showing us your journey.

[Thunder]

I so very much agree with OffRoad, SS.