[Shockandawe]

Hi BIB

Had to give this question some thought because I feel I am the core person I was before MLC but with more positive improvements as in I am a better person than I was pre MLC.
My ex h is remarried and the person he is now he’s in that relationship means in all probability he’s different than he was during our relationship.
I feel I still know him because he is the same person when around me that I always knew.
During my MLC I changed and so did he in order to adapt to the selfish, nasty, cruel and vindictive person I became. It’s something he had to do in order to protect himself and process the destruction and burning down of his world.(this is something I have to live with).
I believe, I know him and I know he knows me, the real me not the evil alien I became. We were great friends before we became a couple and, though I love him as much as I ever did I am still different because I have to be as in careful not to cause him problems in his relationship and so I am measured in my responses and interactions. It’s not how I want to be but I do this for him.
Hard one to explain properly but I hope you can understand what I’m attempting to explain.
As I was different so was he.

[Seahorse]

SS - when you surfaced for TNGs or anchor checks, were you aware of what you were doing?
Did they impact you in any way - make you feel more attached, sad, etc?
What were your feelings during and afterward, if you felt anything?
Did they become more frequent over time, as the fog cleared (I believe that answer is yes, but please let us know if different).

Thanks.
Sea

[3Boys4Me]

ShockSis, I know you’ve talked about how you had moments of fog lifting and clarity from time to time, and that led to the fog eventually lifting and awareness and love coming back in - But I am not sure if this question has been asked and answered before,  I am curious to know if during the deepest part of your crisis, even when you became indifferent and the fog was fully present, did you have any awareness of your H and what he was doing? Did any of his actions impact you or resonate with you? Did you still think of him day to day or were you so deeply entrenched that you simply didn’t think of him much at all? 

[Shockandawe]

Hi Sea

My feelings during moments of clarity flooded me and I broke down many times.
I didn’t do anchor checks because he moved on pretty quickly after BD so there was no point.
I felt happy when clarity came but would cry and the fog would come back I think to protect me from the hurt and fear.
They kept coming more and more until the fog was so weak it couldn’t hold them back.

[Seahorse]

Thank you SS!

[Shockandawe]

Hi 3boys

When I was in the deepest part of my MLC I was totally indifferent to my ex h. I couldn’t care less at this time if I never saw him again.
I had no thought either positive or negative once I hit indifference.
He was more an annoyance I didn’t want anything to do with. Kind of like a stranger in the street, he meant nothing at all.
How awful that is still staggers me.

[3Boys4Me]

Thank you for your honesty, painful as it is to hear.

[Marchingforward]

Hi SS,
You may not be able to answer this question but I’m gonna throw it out there. My h seems confused about the changes in me. Like you mentioned before, I had to adapt to deal w some of his negative changes. For example, I’ve always been really chatty and open with him. I’m not as chatty and I definitely don’t share everything I’m thinking or feeling anymore. I don’t believe he is at a place yet where I can do that, although he has expressed a desire that I do that.


Anyway, my question is: you know your xh had to adapt and make some changes within himself. Now that the fog has cleared, do you wish he was back to the man he was before and/or do you see some of his changes as positive? (I recognize this is a weird question as he is repartnered). 

[megogirl]

Yet here you are Sis, telling your tale and providing some inspiration for Standers to keep going.

Well done, SS, well done.

[Granite]

Hi SS,


Thanks for continuing to be here with us.

Similar to Surviving’s question, which was about your husband, I am curious about positive changes within you as a result of the MLC.  If you already answered and I missed it -my apologies.