[Treasur]

You really need to get over yourself. You aren't so special that you can cure an MLCer without them having to wreak havoc with your life.

This was just nasty, NYM
And unnecessary.
I have no idea why a woman of your purported erudition couldn't find a more adult way to make your point. Or indeed even how you inferred this from what he actually posted....bc Standing Strong didn't claim to be special or deny the havoc. In fact he said almost the opposite as a reason for understanding why people don't stand in his last sentence.

Whatever fed your response came from your head or a bad day, not Standing's words

I am sure that he will react with the same grace that he has shown before.  I am not sure i have ever seen you apologise on HS before. Perhaps this would be a good day to try something new as a role model for 'getting over yourself'....

[3Boys4Me]

In my opinion, this is where some posters cross the line - telling someone they are not “special” and to “get over themselves” is insulting and disparaging. So unfortunate that a person would stoop to this level with anyone, even more so someone who’s bomb drop was recent.

For me, I too am almost comforted by the fact that this experience is MLC - and my husband is at the extreme end of the spectrum... that said, the man I knew for 18 years prior to bomb drop was a loving, hilarious, responsible man who cherished his wife and sons. And while many do not return or want to reconcile, many do. I would rather consider this time my opportunity to grow and evolve as an individual, support and guide my children’s growth. I had a really lovely life and marriage - I was blessed beyond imagination, my desire is to stand in the gap for my husband as he goes through his identity crisis, I consider this the “or worse” portion of my vows. And at the end of the day, if he never chooses to recreate any kind of relationship, friendship or rebuilt marriage, I will know that I honored my marriage, was true to myself, my boys, my vows and my husband. Does that mean I will stand for ever? At this point choosing to stand is a daily decision, I don’t know what the future brings...

How we each approach this? It is a decision we all must make for ourselves - and if you are going through this, stay strong, know people are here to support you, and ignore those comments designed to bring you down.

[Songanddance]

NYM - your response was out of line and unacceptably rude. 

SS posted his thoughts and they are his thoughts.  It is fine for you to disagree whole-heartedly with them but you have overstepped the line here by asking him to "get over himself"  You do not know him and  I would draw your attention to the code of conduct

 "Respectful behavior is polite, tolerant and considerate of the feelings of your fellow posters and seeks to resolve conflict with peace and empathy.
Disrespect results in hurt feelings and distresses, disturbs, and/or offends others. Uncivil behavior is rude, impolite, discourteous behavior that displays a lack of regard for others.

Be Kind, Choose Your Words with Care
Please be kind and gracious to your fellow community members. Insults, bullying, harassment, threats… will not be tolerated.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

For me, I too am almost comforted by the fact that this experience is MLC - and my husband is at the extreme end of the spectrum... that said, the man I knew for 18 years prior to bomb drop was a loving, hilarious, responsible man who cherished his wife and sons. And while many do not return or want to reconcile, many do. I would rather consider this time my opportunity to grow and evolve as an individual, support and guide my children’s growth. I had a really lovely life and marriage - I was blessed beyond imagination, my desire is to stand in the gap for my husband as he goes through his identity crisis, I consider this the “or worse” portion of my vows. And at the end of the day, if he never chooses to recreate any kind of relationship, friendship or rebuilt marriage, I will know that I honored my marriage, was true to myself, my boys, my vows and my husband. Does that mean I will stand for ever? At this point choosing to stand is a daily decision, I don’t know what the future brings...

Beautifully stated.

[Wilderheart]

I think I’m still wavering on the MLC aspect my STBXW certainly seems to be happy in her new life. Although we remain no contact I get a lot of monster through her solicitors letters. She’s already done so much damage to our lives that’s it’s hard for me some days to consider how we could ever rebuild a life together as family and friends now despise her. I hope she does find a path through bit from being here I realise that it’s going to take a lot of work from both of us.

[Treasur]

Interview with the author of The Shack:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6_A0-kyYXQ    This is a longer interview than the link posted earlier in the thread but,,,I was glued to it.   If you have the time, watch this longer interview.   I can’t imagine what could possibly be left out and still have the impact it did.  It does reference God and faith frequently but the central message is applicable to anyone so don’t let that deter you.  It’s well worth watching.

Thank you for sharing this, Anon. I am listening to it while stacking logs in the autumn sunshine here. The phrase that touches me most is that 'God is especially fond of each of us'...LBS and MLCer alike...what a nice thought that is  Makes me feel better that, notwithstanding the end of my m and my xh's behaviour towards me, a bit of me is still 'especially fond of him' too quietly and from a long way away.

Wilder, you may be too close to see the wood for the trees....as we all are for a while. I don't know if the MLC label fits but nothing you have posted on your own thread sounds like how a rational, healthy, happy adult behaves. Your w is taking a wrecking ball to her own life and behaving in ways which are far from normal. Truly. And that is not caused by you although it effects you of course. When people are doing this kind of destruction and crazy, there is no shared path....so right now all you can do is invest the work in your own life and wellbeing and protect yourself. I don't know how to label it, MLC or not, but your w is not behaving like a normal healthy adult, Wilder. Not even close. And grim as it is, this is the kind of behaviour that removes doubt that something very dark and weird is going on with your w. Which is the strange kind of gift of the WTF stuff that is so shocking and exhausting to deal with. Let the future unfold and look after yourself the best you can right now. Sufficient unto the day etc etc.

When I doubted most, it was bc my then h became a vanisher so, bc I had little information, it was easier to doubt my own judgments or to assume that it was normal so the problem must be in my head.
When I doubted least, it was when WTF crazy stuff just happened without my involvement, just showed up, and when I get those moments even now of disbelief about how surreal it all felt or how I got from there to here.
A little time and distance does help you to see two things I think.
This is not what normal feels like, even an end of a marriage normal, particularly if it continues way after they have left or divorce is done or you have very little contact.
And if it quacks like a weird duck, it is most probably a weird duck whether it is an MLC duck or not 

[nah]

I can’t speak for NYM but how I read her reply of “getting over yourself” was not targeting SS individually but to all of us when we are newbies and the normal thought processes we all go through.

Yes, most of us think that our MLCer will be “mild”.  Most of us new to MLC think we will be different, our marriage was so special that we will have an early return. I know I thought all these things. I just KNEW that my marriage was so much better than the typical marriage, bc everybody in our lives said so, we said so, I said so,..

I needed to “get over myself”

Reread what NYM wrote. It was a good discussion that I feel was misinterpreted.

[Treasur]

Don't disagree with NYM's points at all as you say Nah.
Most of us have been down that path and then learned that we were wrong 
Just found her tone rather nasty and bc it followed on from Standing's post, and seemed to react to it, it came across as being aimed at him as a newbie, pricking his 'bubble' perhaps.
But I am happy to be corrected by NYM if I was wrong about that. Just found the tone a bit idk aggressive and over-personal I suppose.