[strongFaith34]

Sometimes reading about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and BPD, the symptoms seem to completely overlap with a Midlife Crisis. I found this very interesting post about what BPD feels like and to me it sounds just like an MLCer, what are your thoughts? and how can we distinguish between these labels?

“BPD is the result of complex trauma. A person suffering from BPD is suffering a ‘split brain’ condition. Their left hemisphere (ego/logical brain) has had to repress their right hemisphere (Id/emotional brain) with criticism, rejection and self hate because their natural desires, feelings and impulse to self expression was not safe to allow in their childhood environment.

Their left brain becomes a hypercritical abusive parent-self and their right becomes a rebellious pleasure seeking child-self because it’s trying to turn the volume down on unresolved trauma memories. Eventually the right brain gives up and goes into despair because the left will never allow it to be who it wants to be and won’t attend to the trauma memories.

People usually think it’s the right brain causing the problem because its the one doing all the emotional outbursts and self destructive behaviours, but it’s really the victim. The self hating left brain is the real cause of the condition, but it’s just trying to protect the person against the rejection or punishment of their parents/childhood. Both brains are stuck in the past.

The left is adapted to a past environment and keeps projecting it onto the present and future. That’s why BPD sufferers keep expecting to be rejected, abused and abandoned - they can’t distuinguish between the past their current relationships. Of course, their behaviours almost guarantee that this happens, because they are themselves being abusive and rejecting to their partners.

In order to heal from BPD (which is possible, and not all that difficult) the left and right hemispheres both have to grow up, create a cooperative relationship with each other, and resolve the trauma memories.”

[Jackolar12]

SF, I have often thought that my Mlcer was Undiagnosed BPD by the way she split her perception of me from all good to all bad and then discarded me without a backward glance in the weeks leading up to bomb drop.

I have also observed Narcissistic,Histrionic, Machiavellian as well as Psychopathic behaviours. its interesting how you explained the war between the hemispheres, her trauma could have developed from her feelings being stifled at an early age as she is the youngest of a family of four and was nicknamed the Runt of the litter. Both parents worked and were very strict with all the children She was prim and proper but turned into a serial cheater seemingly within weeks.

As she was 49 years old I thought the perimenopause was in part to blame sprinkled with depression and chasing unicorns (lost youth and plastic surgery). It will be 8 years for me on this November 14th that bomb drop occurred. According to mutual friends she is still acting like a 58 year old teenager and still with the OM. I remember vividly our communications at bomb drop and how her face was almost purple and the veins at her temples were sticking out like she was in an internal rage but did not unleash it at the time thankfully.

Could be her hemispheres we’re fighting for control and her Super ego was policing her Ego and Inner Demon (ID). Ultimately her ID won and she derailed and became a different person with polar opposite values. Your post is very though provoking SF, thank you.
Jack

[Keep believing]

I have not read about BPD but i have read and watched many about narcissism .I find my h fits narcissism to a tee.  This is all so crazy.

[Wilderheart]

I also have done a lot of reading on BPD, dementia, thyroid issues and even brain cancer in an effort to make sense of my wife's 180 degree personality change, and she certainly ticked a lot of boxes in all categories but I now understand that MLC can mimic a lot of mental disorders. What it doesn't explain is why she is being absolutely evil and her ongoing smear campaign which seems to evolve as she thinks of new lies and sets about weaving them into rewriting of history. Her last lawyer letter claims she has been suffering from memories suppresed until now and has been unquipped to deal with the divorce she wanted to rush through 3 days after bomb drop on March 1st. I do think it it is some and varied form of mental illness she is going through and she now claims I (after 27 years together) have caused her to develop 2 eating disorders concurrently. Every other day it's something new.

[Jackolar12]

Wild heart she is projecting blame in your direction as she could not possibly be responsible for the way she is behaving as that would make her a bad person so you caused this to happen. She is Teflon coating her new persona so nothing sticks and is deflected back in your direction to fix, were you the fixer in your marriage?
Jack

[Treasur]

In my opinion, a lot of MLC behaviour mimics some of these disorders but there is a big difference between someone who is say NPD and has strong narcisstic traits. A few LBS here may decide looking back over their relationship that their spouse did have a personality disorder, that there was a consistent pattern over many years pre-BD.  A few have spouses who were diagnosed with things like Bipolar. But most, I think, were normal humans with normal personality ranges and hidden broken places who unravelled in crisis into more extreme behaviour.

Sites like out of the fog can help LBS adapt their behaviour to MLC behaviours. Much of this advice is similar to the advice given on HS about detachment etc. Imho it is more useful to keep the desire to diagnose to one side but simply focus on the kind of behaviour you see. After all, if you knew a diagnosis 'label', how would it actually help you as an LBS? Still didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it....

[Wilderheart]

Hi Jack, yes I was very much the fixer in our relationship and many times over the years my wife had fallen out with her mother and not spoken to her for months and always I would have to step in and reconcile them, it was the same in her work, she almost lost her job last year, due to internal arguments with her boss. I do think my wife has a personality disorder as she has now totally split me to black, from what I've read on out of the fog it's rare she would split me back to white.

Treasur, great words of wisdom as always you are so right the label is irrelevant in the here and now, I have spent way to much time searching the internet, that's luckily how I found my way here. I cannot begin to tell you just how much help being here and you have been to me. Thank you with all my heart. I'm getting there slowly and surely. I'm still fighting the urge to intiate contact but I know I will not until she contacts me if that day ever comes. It still a neewbie and only coming up to 8 months since BD and last week I got another very strange 3 page letter from her solicitor full of lies. Still spinning and hurting but due to the sage advice in here and help from friends I feel there is a future for me, albeit a little scary. I will journal on my thread later today as I'm waiting on a response from my solicitor. Heading over to the wreck of the flat this morning to try and make good some of the damage she had caused before leaving it.

[Treasur]

Wilder, will keep an eye on your thread, feel free to PM me as I'm a bit less active on HS right now. But you are doing so well in a maelstrom of WTFness. Sadly for some LBS here - and you're not alone - their spouses do seem to unravel in rather spectacular ways.

[sachat3]

Attaching now so I can have a read later on.

[Milly]

Attaching!

Interesting discussion. I do think that MLCers mimic NPD. Now that I am more aware of NPD, I do think my H had some of the traits before BD, too. I don't know what that means if my H were to come out of his crisis, he will still be a narc. It's hard to know. I guess, I know that I have boundaries now, and have also changed ways in which I respond instead of reacting.