[Jackolar12]

 BIB, if your in with a chance of reconciliation hopefully they will approach you and give you a sincere apology like SHock Sis did to her former husband. Ho how I long for this to happen to me it must have been uplifting to his soul after many years of being unsure why this happened.

They may also have reverted to their old mannerisms and behaviours so you can pick up on these non verbal cues. Just as you saw her get captured by the alien you will know when the woman you married has returned to her former self, the one you love....

[Jackolar12]

Hi Disillusioned, that took real courage and teeth gritting I bet to be amicable with your Mlcer. I hope one day I can do the same thing but for now I probably would blow my top if I bumped into her as she treated me so disrespectfully. It took me 10 years to have conversations with my first wife and when my last wife Bomb dropped me the first wife was on the phone wanting to get back together aargh! I will never figure women out!

Ha ha I only got 27 points on the cheater check list but I did get it screwed up and thrown in my face so I will class this as a result.
Jack

[Not Applicable]

It takes two people to reconcile. Asking only about the MLCer I think is only looking at half the picture.

I think it takes more on the LBS side than a desire to reconcile. There's too many cases of LBSes who wanted to reconcile who pushed the MLC for full reconciliation too early and the MLCer ran to never return. So what benefit was their desire to reconcile when it just made them over anxious for things to wrap up?

[gman242]

So what's the anecdotal evidence of M vs F return? I'm just curious as I feel that's valid also.

[Standing Strong]

So what's the anecdotal evidence of M vs F return? I'm just curious as I feel that's valid also.

I believe more MLC women make it back than men..... if the man hung around. We normally don't though.
So overall success rates are higher for the female LBS as the male LBS's don't exist in such numbers.... the female LBS population is so much higher.

I think female MLC'ers process faster than male MLC'ers too......... white matter (female) brains process emotions and feeling problems much better than our (higher) grey matter (male) brains.

That's my feeling anyway.

-SS

[MyBrainIsBroken]

So what benefit was their desire to reconcile when it just made them over anxious for things to wrap up?

Good question. I think this is why it's important for the LBS to work on their own issues. Then, instead of being over anxious, they'll be able to patiently wait for the process to unfold.

Sorry Gman, I don't have any anecdotal evidence one way or the other. My personal opinion is that male LBSes are less likely to stand so female MLCers would be less likely to have an LBS to reconcile with, thus leading to fewer female MLCers reconciling. Shock's Sis is a good example. It seems like there are a lot more female LBSes standing on this forum than male LBSes which would seem to support the hypothesis that fewer female MLCers reconcile because fewer male LBSes are willing to be long term standers.

[OldPilot]

I think female MLC'ers process faster than male MLC'ers too......... white matter (female) brains process emotions and feeling problems much better than our (higher) grey matter (male) brains.

I think that would depend on age.

Men at older ages are more like women and women at older ages are more like men.

[Thunder]

I believe you're right, OP.  Has a lot to do with hormones as we age.

My personal opinion is, more men come back than women.  I don't have any proof of this it's just been my observation over the years I've been here.

Not that there are many who return, though.

[gman242]

I agree too thunder, from previous discussions.

It's tough to really know what's going on and this is strictly IMHO, I think men see more regrets in terms of their career choices, hobbies ect and "wake up" one day and think that things may not have turned out exactly how they wanted, but it wasn't all bad either. I think women on the other hand, can't separate their spouses and families from the burden they feel in being the primary caregiver and because of that, they're less likely to come back. I don't think they harbor the, I guess, romantic feelings towards their spouse, the way a man might see their wife as the mother of their children and so on.
 
I've met a lot of women on the dating sites that got rid of their husbands and kids and they're done. Now, there may be more WAW's than MLC wives out there, that may account for some differences. I don't have the raw data in front of me, but that's my gut feeling.

Overall though I think that returns are unlikely because not being able to process or deal with their feelings is what got them into the situation to begin with and I don't think they will face them if they don't have to. I think there's a trend in OPs, in that they're warm bodies that take the place of the spouse but they either boss the spouse, cause drama or don't challenge them much. I think either way, they just fill a need without the baggage of the original family and spouse.

I'm just widely speculating here though. So grain of salt please.

[Jackolar12]

NYM, I haven’t seen (except in court) or spoken to mine  in 8 years post bomb drop. But love for her still dwells within me, you just can’t turn it off. A return would be uplifting but also scary for me and I would initially be looking over my shoulder all the time for sure. Unless she was totally baked and committed to rebuilding from the foundations again I think my anxieties would drive her away.