Author Topic: MLC Monster Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11  (Read 5553 times)

Offline ShockandaweTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 730
  • Gender: Female
MLC Monster Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #10 on: November 04, 2019, 10:06:02 PM »
Hi Off-road

Great question. I think it’s because my brain shut out anything that raised my childhood issues or FOO issues because, as a child I didn’t develop the adult coping mechanism required for my Father’s death as it teleported me in a way, back to him leaving us as children. I couldn’t understand or cope with that and suppressed it for many years. When my Father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer I was devastated and barely had time to adjust to this when within 3 months he passed away. My opinion on this is that I couldn’t deal with that and my brain closed down the part that deals with emotions which is why I felt numb. I was convinced I didn’t love my ex h and my brain wouldn’t allow me to think there was anything wrong with my thoughts at this stage, hence the fog. I don’t think my brain would allow me to go to counselling at that point either because it was protecting me from the very thing a counsellor would dig out. I simply think if I hadn’t had an MLC I would have been sectioned for sure.
In short, my brain protected the real me from overwhelming issues and I truly believe that during MLC the pockets of clarity occur as a check on what I could cope with at this particular time. Hence the fog descending again and again. Once the real me who was buried beneath the layers of fog had processed and dealt with the various issues, albeit subconsciously, the full awakening occurred.
It’s so difficult to explain the overwhelming urge to run and change everything, including myself because the real me was safely hidden away and this new alien personality took over. I know this personality was myself but the adolescent self.
I also believe certain elements need to be there to go into crisis. Traumatic event, depression and trauma leading up to the traumatic event. As people are individuals then what they cope with or see as trauma and traumatic differ too but I believe if the LBS looks back they will see these elements somewhere.
Hope this helps
« Last Edit: November 04, 2019, 11:30:19 PM by Shockandawe »

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8790
  • Gender: Female
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #11 on: November 04, 2019, 11:39:41 PM »
ShockSis...an energetic debate on another thread about causes and getting your spouse to seek medical help.

How would you have reacted if your then h had asked/pushed you to get medical help or some kind of diagnosis in case there was some unknown cause that could be treated? And do you feel now with hindsight in your case that seeking medical help or a diagnosis would have been helpful to you or not? (I think you were prescribed anti-depressants at one point but didn't take them?)
« Last Edit: November 04, 2019, 11:43:18 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Jackolar12

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 439
  • Gender: Male
  • Waiting for my Prodigal to return to the fold.
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2019, 12:06:56 AM »
SS I agree with the not signing legal stuff. I think the courts should assess all divorce participants for mental health problems prior to starting the process. This could save a lot of relationships in the long run as many divorced people regret their actions years later when their lonely and too old to start again.

Offline ShockandaweTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 730
  • Gender: Female
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #13 on: November 05, 2019, 12:42:50 AM »
Hi Treasur

My ex h kept pushing me to get help and was relentless in this. He would tell people in his opinion I was having a mental breakdown. I reluctantly went to see our GP who prescribed anti depressants which I promptly flushed down the toilet as to me I didn’t need them. All I needed to do was get away from my ex h.
I only went to the GP to stop his constant nagging about mental breakdowns. It was as if everything my ex h said about me or our relationship just added fuel to the justification that I needed to get away from him as it was his fault I was so unhappy.
So, in my opinion it’s a case of trying to get someone to do something they are absolutely against doing.

Offline Keep believing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1306
  • Gender: Female
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #14 on: November 05, 2019, 01:30:27 AM »
jack,  If the courts wanted to assess for mental health problems the mlcer would pass.   Think about it.  They have everyone fooled .Especially fooled about how awful we are and how we lie. I wish that could be but i highly doubt that would work.

Offline Keep believing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1306
  • Gender: Female
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #15 on: November 05, 2019, 01:32:09 AM »
SS,  did you party alot or get drunk? If so did this make you more depressed? Did you think about your ex.? I ask because when drinking , it seems true feelings come out and wondering how this would affect you.

Offline Sam I Am

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1598
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2019, 02:53:09 AM »
Attaching
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs (he left them all behind - taking care of them but not really visiting or interacting with them yet)

Offline Jackolar12

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 439
  • Gender: Male
  • Waiting for my Prodigal to return to the fold.
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #17 on: November 05, 2019, 04:37:11 AM »
I see your point Keep Believing but the courts see through the likes of serial killers and psychopaths fake stories so they can do it if they have a mind too. The current system does not support the family unit and just wants you off their work load and divide the assets.

There’s much more to a family unit keeping together than just standing inline and waiting for your turn to be processed. Family is everything....and a crazy criser destroys the nuclear family and I’m sure ShockSis will back me on this.

If one party (Lbs) signs a statement saying their spouses behaviour is way out of character and currently their spouse is away with the fairies the court should halt proceedings until their satisfied with the mental capability of the person allegedly in crisis.

They just push things through and don’t care, we are just a statistic to the courts and a meal ticket to the lawyers, all at a time when we are at an all time low, it’s cruel, they wouldn’t treat an animal that way IMHO.

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 22198
  • Gender: Female
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #18 on: November 05, 2019, 05:34:58 AM »
Jack, other people have said this too.  It feels like no one cares our spouses are acting crazy, just get that divorce done.

I am no legal expert here.  This is just my take on this.

We all pretty much know our MLCer's are not in their right mind when the file, but the courts can only interpret and carry out the laws, or find someone incompetent, which is pretty hard to do.  It would have to show these people don't know what they are doing and can't make decisions for themselves.

A MLCer does know what they are doing, as goofy as they are, and they have free will.  A judge can't take that away from them because they are making a big mistake and ruining the family unit.

Just like attorney's, they are hired to do a job.  We pay them to know the divorce laws and to protect us financially in any way they can.  They are not hired to be our therapists.

Divorce is ugly but the legal system can only do so much to stop a divorce.
I agree with everything you said, it shouldn't be this way, but it is.
The MLCer's have rights, and unfortunately, one of them is to divorce us.   :(
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Standing Strong

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 559
  • Gender: Male
Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11
« Reply #19 on: November 05, 2019, 06:02:07 AM »
Hey Shocks,

First question: While you were still processing -  Were you able at times to know that you were broken? I know you've mentioned moments of clarity, but I mean did you know that you were broken at times?

Second question: MLC'ers have memory issues during MLC.... it comes and it goes. Did there come a point where you understood the memory issues (example: You had toast at breakfast everyday for the last 20 years..... this morning you'd deny have toast at breakfast...... this afternoon you'd know you eat toast everyday and "hmmmm, toast sounds good, I think I'll have some right now".... type of thing). Did you memory come back INCLUDING all the weird memory lapses?

Third question: Are you aware of memory gaps now that you're out? It has been explained that when it's over there is a time of complete memory restore and that with some time these too will disappear: which is why the LBS is important.... we are the keeper of memories. How much truth is there in this for you?

Thanks Shocks  :D

-SS (The standing strong SS, not the Shocks SS  :P LOL!!!! )
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.