Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5  (Read 1281 times)

Offline KeepItTogether

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2019, 01:59:51 PM »
It's funny Acorn. I was just thinking about how my H has no interest in being in my life right now. That it is so boring compared to the one he leads now with the constant parties/events/night life. Of course, I do believe the goal for most of us is to find that "Boring old couple" comfort. Because in that comfort is a certain perception of safety. And I know all too well that MLCers are the most UN-comfortable species on the planet.

Love that you share laughs and song over a mediocre bottle of wine. Sounds dreamy to me.
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #11 on: November 07, 2019, 02:33:01 PM »
KIT - My H sounds a lot like yours. Enjoying no responsibilities and not wanting a ‘boring’ life with me/us.

It makes me jealous of you Acorn obviously. I remember your big R talk in January in Australia and things progressed so much from there. My H was around that time starting up with OW2 so our R talk took the opposite route.

I look forward to looking back on this time!

Hope all is well with your sister
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Thunder

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2019, 02:55:58 PM »
I'm so happy for you two, Acorn.

Your H is one very lucky man, but I expect he knows that.   ;D

{{Big Hug}}
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Standing Strong

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #13 on: November 07, 2019, 03:12:56 PM »
WOooHoooo!!!!

Super awesome, so happy for ya Acorn  ;D

Attaching

-SS
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #14 on: November 07, 2019, 04:35:11 PM »
That is wonderful Acorn!  Those are the best memories in life.  Simple time spent with family in peace and laughter!!!
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 39

BD1-April 2018-Unrecognized by me until way later, he is unhappy, wants counseling.
BD2-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), Unsure if he and OW2(PA) are still together?
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #15 on: November 08, 2019, 12:37:24 AM »
Attaching
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline AcornTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #16 on: November 23, 2019, 09:35:53 AM »
Thank you, my friends, for your interest in my story.  You are all very welcome to my thread!

I moved the following post from another thread to mine as it really belongs on my thread! :)

It is about trusting my H again:

If I may share my sample of one, please.  That’s all one can do, right? 

It did not help me at all to speculate if I was going to be able to trust H if and when we reconnect/reconcile/rebuild.  It was the mother of all monkey braining, personally speaking, seeing that he was making no positive moves toward me or the kids.

I eventually took a pragmatic stance of ‘don’t sweat about a hypothetical situation which may or may not eventuate’.

It turned out that trust came naturally without any conscious decision to do so on my part.  Everyday interactions with H over a couple of years provided the consistent evidence, I guess.
« Last Edit: November 23, 2019, 09:39:54 AM by Acorn »
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Notinlimbo

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #17 on: November 23, 2019, 10:52:44 PM »
Attaching acorn. Boring not at all  :) not
Me 60
H 59
D 27
BD March 15
OW ex from 34 years ago

Offline DaybyDay1

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #18 on: November 25, 2019, 07:32:24 AM »
Hi Acorn,

Following along!  I'm sitting here wondering how in the world I'm every going to trust h and then I ready your comment about how it comes naturally with consistent actions.  I'm not there yet, but I think you are right.  Actions speak so much louder than words anyway.

It sounds like things are going well for you guys!  Enjoy all the boring!!!!  :)
Married 1997
BD: 9/14/17
Separated on and off for two years
Latest move home 9/1/19
Working on reconciliation one minute and divorce the next
Two Sons - 20 and 17

Offline AcornTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Reconnecting and Rebuilding 5
« Reply #19 on: November 29, 2019, 04:32:20 AM »
NIL and Day, you are so very welcome to my thread!  :)

Good morning, everyone!

I felt the need to write down my thoughts and feelings after a long conversation with my daughter (in her mid 20s) about a sudden and unexpected death of a person at her work yesterday.  She witnessed it... Her work involves life and death situations on a daily basis but this incident was so unexpected that she was shaken to the core.

She shared her thoughts with me:

- It was a reminder for her that life is fragile
- Life is precious. 
- She can not waste a single day worrying about things she has no control over. 
- She cannot waste even one minute sweating over what she does not have.
- She consciously needs to focus on all the blessing she sees all around her. 
- She needs to differentiate between a storm in a teacup and things that truly matter.

These are the same lessons I absorbed during my LBS-hood.  Something I knew in theory (who doesn’t?!) but only made my own, more or less, during my H’s MLC.  My daughter is soaking in the lessons now.  I’m thankful for that early start...

I would love to encourage my fellow LBS travellers to open your eyes to all the blessings around you and focus on the aspects of your life that you can control and be proactive about. 

I encourage you to do everything humanly possible to decrease the mind space that your MLCer occupies as he did not pay any rent for that space...   

I encourage you to not waste your precious mind space on a ‘return’ fantasy.  Hope is good but think about it with brutal honesty if it really is hope or a wolf dressed as a lamb - a fantasy...  I could start to live as my genuine self when I let go of the fantasy, among other things.  Really, the end result of reconciliation should be irrelevant in your daily life and the way you choose to live.  It behooves us to gather up all our strength to face ‘hope’ and assess if it is really a ‘wolf’ (fantasy) that is sucking up our precious emotional energy. 

Fantasy is your number 1 enemy, not your spouse’s MLC or OP.  It will be painful (trust me on that...) when you see the truth but that pain is worth it.  Because, you will find your self and full life back. 

Do NOT wait for MLCer to get through the tunnel. That is the theme of the LBS fantasy.

A sample of one.

I hope you all have a great day.   
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

 

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