[OffRoad]

It has occurred to me that the word "choice" may be a problem depending on where you sit. For me, if my mlcer knows right from wrong, and he chose do behave and leave as he did, that it imo a problem with HIM.  For some if their MLCER knows right from wrong and chose to behave and leave in the manner they did, it makes the LBS feel like it was their own fault, like they were lacking. For some, if it isn't the MLCers "fault", as in "they had no choice", then they can justify still wanting them back, not realizing that none of us has to justify anything. I've always said, I don't like who my mlcer is now. It doesn't mean I might not like who he ends up. I don't have to justify how I feel or my opinon to anyone. Nor would I be offended if someone disagreed with me.

MLCers do what they do. They make choices, ill informed by a screwed up brain or not. Those choices sometimes have devastating effects on those around them. Why they do it might make a difference for some, but getting stuck in their "whys" does not necessarily help. And I mean stuck, not just learning.

Of course maybe someone here will write a paper and get a ball rolling on research of MLC. You never know..

[Jackolar12]

Hi all, I will try and get back to your posts as soon as I can, I  have got to do my accounts for the next couple of days so it may take a while. I’ve read the for and against for andropause/ menopause having links to midlife crisis and from my observations you are actually both right. The two opposing opinions suggested to me there are two common components in making these choices which are gender and individual perception of the perceived severity of the effects of hormones.

What I see is there are individual differences and levels to the extent hormones effect either gender. A mild one with little effect, a midrange one with more effect an a severe one with lots of effect on the individual and it’s this one that I believe is where the link to MLC may be.From here on I will be referring to the effects of severe hormonal dis regulation that may be a component in some MLC individuals. I’m looking at the worst cases.
 

My thoughts are that perception or rather an altered perception brought about by hormones surging during a severe midlife transition, coupled with other internal factors such as Foo issues and external factors such as life stressors may contribute to the MLC switch being flipped.

Why would a normally faithful spouse flip to the polar opposite of who they were, break they vows, lie, commit adultery and destroy their marriage? Because their perception of their life and in particular their spouse has changed due to those surging hormones and internal \ external influences during this time. While some people can adapt and react to these changes and still act appropriately some cannot and it affects them more severely and they act inappropriately.

They no longer love us as they perceive us as being causal to this perception change. We were great now we are dog cr&p to them eventually we become their enemy something annoying and resentment starts to build towards the spouse. They may even get to the stage where they perceive we frighten them and they run to escape us.

So some but not all decide to look around for someone with a better fit to they new perceptions. They are re-evaluating their lives and taking actions that might not occur if hormones were stabilised by medication and they waited for 10/15 years for the hormones to settle down enough to achieve balance again.

They are in a period of severe hormonal dysregulation and although many can function seemingly normally to others, albeit with a refocused view of their life and love. Some are aware of what’s behind it and seek medical advice and medication, some choose not to take the advice given to them others may be misdiagnosed and on the wrong meds, while some may be unaware of what’s driving their emotions and FEELINGS during this phase.

I will continue this when I get time, but for now  remember the word “Feelings” did anyone hear this mentioned by their MLCer, mine did, think it over for now.
Kind regards
Jack

[Jackolar12]

Disillusioned I think your right too, dysregulated hormones can alter people’s behaviours drastically. If you get chance post the same article on this thread it sounds good and I bet interested people would like to read it.
Quote
 “I also know my D attorney, a woman, asked me several pointed questions when we first met:  "Is your wife menopausal?  Is there an OP?  What do you know about mid-life crises?"  30 years of practice in family law lead her to believe hormones are definitely related in both men and women.”

My lawyer was a woman she told me my wife seems cold when she had talked to her. I didn’t know a lot about MLC then.
Kind regards
Jackolar

[Jackolar12]

If one thinks depression is a cause of mlc then menopause is a possible cause.  I go to a professor who opened the World’s first menopause clinic and has awards for his academic work. He believe that hormone imbalance often results in people being prescribed anti depressants. This  covers pre and post party women, those with menstrual issues and women who are in menopause and beyond.he believes hrt/endocrine treatment is far preferable to anti depressants.

I am prescribed natural oestrogen and testosterone.  Unless something untoward occurs I will continue indefinitely.  I didn’t have particular problems- when I went to him I described myself as ‘the worried well’ but stiff joints, general lack of interest, and tiredness and anxiety seemed to disappear.  My skin is good (for my age)I

As Nah points out, none of these things means menopause made me lie and sleep with men other than my husband - in fact im now more likely to do so as   Im a  lot livelier!  but despite being a natural Phenomenon, it, like childbirth or menarche, causes more issues than are generally recognised because we all just get on with life and accept small changes and inconveniences.

Like others on here though, I don’t think it can cause mlc -It’s more of a general health/psychological health issue.

Hi Nerrisa, I’m glad you can see this too and it looks like you did the right things at the right time to seek medical help. Not everyone going through it will have an MLC I think only severe hormonal disregulation above and below their normal tolerance levels will contribute to a MLC, coupled with Foo issues and other life stressors.

My thoughts are once the tolerance level is breached the Amygdala is dysregulated in both males and females this has a very powerful influence on behaviour and can also make people act inappropriately. Throw that in the mix with other issues and it may be involved in some MLC cases.
Kind regards
Jack

[Jackolar12]

Hi Brain, I see a lot of similarities with our quest for understanding. Did your research show up Amygdala dis regulation, it can alter behaviours and induce hyper sexuality in some people who’s hormones are above their normally set levels.

 I think that may have been causal in my situation it’s the only thing that fits other than her being a bad girl all along and she wasn’t she was a Step ford wife prior but she never let on she was on the change to me, perhaps she didn’t know herself at the time.
Kind regards
Jack

[Standing Strong]

I would be curious if the fear of Menopause can help push a woman into MLC.

I know W is deathly afraid of Menopause. She has a complete  histo and was gutted several years ago...... hormone replacement since then (and she's never missed a pill, not even in MLC.... it's that important to her).

Men don't and can't understand what it's like to face going into this, and we can't understand what it's like to go thru it. Women have so many moving parts, so complicated and intricate. So many powerful chemicals compared to us.

-SS

[Not Applicable]

Yes, MLC in women is caused by menopause. It's very clear: men-o-pause. It's when women take a pause from the men in their lives because they become o so repulsive.

[Disillusioned]

Yes, MLC in women is caused by menopause. It's very clear: men-o-pause. It's when women take a pause from the men in their lives because they become o so repulsive.

Womansplaining.

And I never knew there was a comedic streak hiding somewhere inside NYM.   

[Nas]

I would be curious if the fear of Menopause can help push a woman into MLC.

I know W is deathly afraid of Menopause. She has a complete  histo and was gutted several years ago...... hormone replacement since then (and she's never missed a pill, not even in MLC.... it's that important to her).

Men don't and can't understand what it's like to face going into this, and we can't understand what it's like to go thru it. Women have so many moving parts, so complicated and intricate. So many powerful chemicals compared to us.

-SS

Standing, confusing as to why you think your wife has a major fear of menopause, since if she underwent a complete hysterectomy, she would have been thrown into immediate surgically induced menopause.

[nah]

Hi Brain, I see a lot of similarities with our quest for understanding. Did your research show up Amygdala dis regulation, it can alter behaviours and induce hyper sexuality in some people who’s hormones are above their normally set levels.

 I think that may have been causal in my situation it’s the only thing that fits other than her being a bad girl all along and she wasn’t she was a Step ford wife prior but she never let on she was on the change to me, perhaps she didn’t know herself at the time.
Kind regards
Jack

Jack. Just curious.

If you somehow was handed the answer of why this all happened, what would you do with it and how would it change anything?