Author Topic: My Story Living in Limbo  (Read 1050 times)

Offline CarolineTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Living in Limbo
« on: November 13, 2019, 09:35:59 PM »
Time for a new thread!!!

  I was able to get the majority of things from the storage unit and of course when I came to the house with it, he had a a fit. Wanted me to sit in the cold at the storage unit and go through it all. I told him I wasn't going to do that. My attorney had filed a motion about him paying the unit and allowing people in our home without us being home.

They responded to the motion and stated that I don't contribute financially at all to the household. That I have always bought groceries but quit buying them for him when he filed for divorce. (he started eating out and after a month of cooking and throwing it out) I quit making him dinner). Then said that I paid the cable bill and said I getting more responsible financially and have reduced the bill to 70 dollars. Well I have been doing better financially but our bill isn't 70 and he doesn't know what our bills are that I pay.

 He said that I have blocked him from exiting the house and that I put my hands on him and scream and cuss in his face, that he sleeps in the bedroom upstairs and that I come in and shine the light in his face, to look for the animals. That I threaten him. Most of the bs in this motion was his accusations from February, and he never slept in a bedroom upstairs, he slept on the couch. And he hasn't slept upstairs since May.

 He said that I told him my place would be ready on December 5th and he is asking the court to remove me from the premises by that date. But he says I can't take anything with me if we don't have property agreement. Again they are asking me to show proof that I have paid a deposit to move ( I don't want him to know where I live) and I am not paying the deposit until the end of November and I shouldn't have to show him anything. And I can honestly say I haven't signed a lease anywhere. My attorney said she doesn't think that I have a reason not to tell them if they ask later that she can object. again why does he want to know where I am moving. and if he just wants me out then why does he care where I go.

 My attorney said that the judge very rarely would make a spouse move without damning evidence. I should be able to stay in the home until the divorce is final if I want. But I can imagine the tales will be wild again. I have been trying to keep everything calm prior to this wedding, but it is getting so challenging.

The response was sent last week but I just go tit, so he doesn't know I got it, but I came home and removed all of the Thanksgiving decorations and he just watched me every move I made. I never said a word to him and just went upstairs when I got a call from my friend and stayed up there until he went to bed.

I guess it is just one of those days that even though I know I am strong and I will survive , I still ask why this is so hard and why does it have to hurt so much, frustrating to be so lonely and missing him knowing he is in the next room,... I  know it is because I love my husband ( even though he is not that person I fell in love with at all right now).

Can someone attach my other thread? Please and thank you!

Previous Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10723
Done - UM



« Last Edit: November 14, 2019, 06:14:08 AM by UrsaMajor »
Caroline

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2019, 04:42:44 AM »
He's seriously lost the plot, hasn't he?

Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Offline Watcher

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2019, 07:06:05 AM »
Hi Caroline,

I agree with Acorn's comment on ShockSis thread. MLC is irrelevant at this point. I had a nasty/controlling MLC experience with my W and now she is attempting to be just as nasty and controlling with the divorce.

They never stop with the control it seems. Mine is controlling our 2 sons. You know, she will use anything to destroy or defeat me. That's her objective. That's his objective. They have to win.

Also, they certainly do not like that we are "getting away" from their reach.

The MLC will run its course. You and I have to survive first. So NC is probably the way to go but that's your call. It works wonders for me.

I'm a firm believer in if they come out of it then they will let us know. I have no worries about that. So it's time just to focus on yourself and let him go on his way to rock bottom glory without you. Good luck.  :)

Offline Acorn

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2019, 07:24:42 AM »
Hi Caroline,
I’m concerned enough about your situation as to repeat my post from another thread.  I hope that’s alright with you.

Here it is:

Caroline, you have described what one calls a ‘nasty divorce.’  I feel uneasy about your safety...   
His actions show emotional abuse in extreme.

It might be beneficial for you not to frame any of his mean words and actions as some kind of MLC process or symptoms because that may impede your ability to see the reality of his abject cruelty toward you.  MLC is irrelevant.

As NYM alluded, it does not seem to be about him finding it difficult to let go of you or that he feels some positive connection to you.  It’s all about him.  He is being nasty and cruel because he is.  It is not about you. 

I must say that I have seen enough similar cases not to read anything good but meanness (some of it even criminal) in his behaviour.   That’s my take for what it’s worth.

——————

There is no excuse for his behaviour.  You have no need to reduce in your mind his 100% personal responsibility for his behaviour, MLC or no MLC. 
« Last Edit: November 17, 2019, 07:26:08 AM by Acorn »
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Offline Not Your Monkey

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2019, 07:34:27 AM »
I just wanted to add something here to what i said on the other thread because I don't want to give you the impression I am saying to wait it out rather than divorce. I said that about my own husband a simply because he is a bit zombie-like at the moment so it is more a hypothetical for me. But your H seems to be quite in charge of his facilities in terms of being able to plot and manipulate the situation and that is worrying. SS's comment that his brain is not "functioning properly" gives it a much more neutral spin than it deserves. This guy is trying to destroy you.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2019, 07:36:29 AM by Not Your Monkey »

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2019, 08:04:26 AM »
I agree with NYM.

Do NOT confuse what's going on here with an MLC. The guidelines or the way to "pave the way" according to this site do not apply.

There's no caring where he is in the "process". Even if it IS an MLC this is unacceptable behavior he's displaying.

You are being abused and it only gets worse once they get themselves into this kind of state. I agree this abuse is intentional. Not some fogged up brain excuse.

 It's time you got yourself physically safe. You cannot fix this and you must not feel sorry for him. if you have a place to move to on the 5th you may want to check into a hotel before then or stay with a relative or friend  if possible. Take all your personal papers ,clothes you need whatever is sentimental to you and leave when he is not home and don't tell him you are doing it. No note nothing. I'm concerned about your physical safety.

If it seems an overreaction you can make or accept apologies later.

Don't answer you phone texts or anything. You need to be somewhere you can think straight and not be emotionally manipulated.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2019, 08:47:15 AM by in it »
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Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2019, 08:43:45 AM »
I agree Caroline,

MLC or not, he is being abusive and there is no way you need to take that.
Watcher is right, if you have read any of his threads his W if very abusive and controlling.
 
These are the types you can not trust, their anger goes off the charts, so there may be more than just a crisis going on here.  Watcher got out and away from his W and crazy MIL and is doing so much better.
That's what we want for you.

Just keep yourself safe, Caroline, we care.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline CarolineTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2019, 08:46:02 AM »
Hi all moving the discussion to my thread.

@Watcher
He is trying to control my daughter (from a previous marriage ) as she is very narcissistic and will do anything if you give her money which he is doing. I have been no contact with him since I received these papers. Will be easier once I am able to move out. He does seem to want control and seems to hate that I am wanting to move out. It seems he wants to flip the switch to me wanting to move out on my terms to him having me thrown out so my leaving is on his terms.

@Acorn and NYM,
It is so nasty and I do feel that it is emotional abuse. I have been trying to not rock the boat and more than necessary since my daughter wedding is the 30th. My attorney plans to file for divorce for me based on inappropriate sexual conduct and also send the OW a letter to cease coming on our property the Monday after the wedding. I know he is going to be livid, and feel even more loss of control since I will be filing for divorce from him, but my lawyer said it will help me get my attorneys fees paid and a possible one time alimony payment for moving expenses. I plan to go to the domestic violence center this week to see what resources they have in place because he is abusing me and I think you all are right I have watered his actions down and believe that my love for him has colored what I am seeing. In my heart I have asked myself multiple times why he is trying to destroy me, so you are so right about this and I don't think there is much he won't do at this point.

@ In It
while I know he is not himself and in MLC. He is also very vindictive and his actions are very calculated IMO. I am really realizing that I am being abused...

I have gone from minimal contact to NC since Wednesday. One of my concerns is that my lawyer says that I don't have a valid reason to not tell them where I am moving to. Tomorrow in court I can say with honesty that I have not signed a lease yet. The townhouse becomes available while I am in Texas for the wedding. So I sign the lease on November 26th.  I plan to at least spend as much time there as possible until I can move my property which I would just come here to sleep and just won't say that I have a place yet. My attorney is submitting another property agreement since his layer says he wants one. But think it is for show to say he is trying but I doubt he will agree to it. My attorney said it is not that we are moving closer each time, his are completely different each time.

I am worried that he will have me followed again by a private investigator to find out where I live when I move. But I have already ordered a security system and my sons are going to install it before I move in. I know too that the boys only visit the house because they come to see me, and that once he realizes that they are going to go NC after the wedding and I move.. I am sure he will blame that on me as well...

@NYM
I do know you were not saying not wait it out versus divorce .. I don't want a divorce but I believe that I cannot fix him by staying and that he will have to come to terms with himself and God before he could ever be the man I deserve to have in my life... I don't think remaining in the marital home will help that.. I think I can faithfully stand for my marriage in my own place and beginning my healing and leaving him to head to rock bottom all by himself.. I believe he is just going to get worse going forward...

Thank you all so much.. i needed the reality check and the support.. I needed the virtual hugs too!!



Caroline

Offline Acorn

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2019, 08:54:24 AM »
You are listening to many advices here and take what’s relevant to you.  Wise lady.  Since you appreciated hugs, here are some more:  (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

I’m sure you are documenting all of his horrendous actions. 
Did your lawyer suggest that there is enough evidence to file for a stay away order after you move out?
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2019, 08:56:04 AM »
Caroline, your lawyer must not understand what is going on, because you have every reason to not tell him where you are moving.  It's for your safety.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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