Author Topic: My Story Living in Limbo  (Read 1047 times)

Online in it

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My Story Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2019, 08:56:25 AM »
Tell you're stupid lawyer that you are being abused and afraid for your own safety THAT's why you do not want him to know where you are going.
If that lawyer hasn't figured that out by whatever papers your H's lawyer has already sent, you need a smarter lawyer.
If your H was being abused as he says he's been..don't you think he'd leave? But he's not, he's staying and he's projecting his possible behavior on you.
So before this escalates PLEASE see if you can find a different place to live sooner than the 5th. You have a right to feel physically safe.
Don't worry about him blaming you for anything.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline Loyal

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2019, 09:08:08 AM »
Caroline, so sorry you`re having to put up with this crap. I`ve just read several of your posts and your H seems to be one of  the extremely abusive, nasty and manipulative MLCer`s that may very well start abusing you physically as in my case.

There are a few of us whose whose MLCers fit in the same category as yours and talking from experience, your H is out to destroy you in his present state of mind and won`t give any peace and quiet until he`s accomplished just that, which is why you have to protect yourself  and look after your own best interests.

It`s also very inportant that you remove all things (personal possessions, passport, bank statements and all important documents) that he doesn`t get his hands on them. You probably think your H would never stoop to such a level but my MLCer not only stole many of my possessions  but also removed one of my business files.

So before this escalates PLEASE see if you can find a different place to live sooner than the 5th. You have a right to feel physically safe.
Don't worry about him blaming you for anything.

« Last Edit: November 17, 2019, 09:26:14 AM by Loyal »
Me: 56 (when he left in April 2017)
MLCer: 57 (when he left in April 2017)
Together since: 1986
Married: No
Children:No
Begin of P`s MLC: around Spring 2010 with breaks inbetween when he behaved like his pre MLC self.
OW: YES , he`s living together with an old spinster who just happens to live up the road.
Animals: 1 doggie, belongs to both of us but MLCers has abandoned him too.

"Surrender to what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be"

Online in it

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2019, 09:32:30 AM »
Caroline, run your situation passed someone in Domestic Violence. They will identify it for you, if that will help.

If you google the Domestic Violence Power and Control Wheel you may see you situation there. Or look up what are the signs of Domestic Violence. Or Abusive men. Or even the question Am I being abused? There might be a check list.

Please do not be ashamed of this. It happened to quite a few of us and we just kept ourselves believing it was something else entirely.
MLC or whatever anyone what's to believe it is?

YOU do not need to put up with any of this. abuse or go through any more mind games manipulation or BS.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline forthetrees

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2019, 09:46:02 AM »
Strong hunch that after you visit the local DV center, they will be willing to support your unwillingness to reveal your new location to your spouse. Though, it will show up soon enough on a people search function. To avoid that, try to get a post box for your mail, a letter from the DV center to support having your address for electricity, water, sewer, wifi, etc. only listed with a link to the PO Box. When you do a mail forwarding, start it now with the PO box already set up. If the only link between you and the townhouse is a lease, then he cannot find you. Alert your employment that you now use a PO box and not to reveal anything about you.
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

Offline CarolineTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2019, 09:53:02 AM »
I don't think she truly understands because she said she could objet but that we don't have a legal reason not to tell them.. I think we absolutely do have one...

I am going to talk to her tomorrow and make her keenly aware of this .. I am not worried about it for tomorrow since I have not signed a lease I can say that I have not made a final decision and that his delays and lack of willingness to agree to any property agreement on personal property  has impacted my ability to determine an accurate move out date.. I also plan to tell them I am looking at a job in another county and that it would be financially detrimental to sign a lease at this moment ( I did look up one so I won't be lying about it in court) plus pointing out that he is trying to make me miss my daughters wedding to move on his date....

Of course I am signing at the end of the month when the townhouse is available...
Caroline

Offline Acorn

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2019, 10:00:08 AM »
I don't think she truly understands because she said she could objet but that we don't have a legal reason not to tell them.. I think we absolutely do have one...

I am going to talk to her tomorrow and make her keenly aware of this .. I am not worried about it for tomorrow since I have not signed a lease I can say that I have not made a final decision and that his delays and lack of willingness to agree to any property agreement on personal property  has impacted my ability to determine an accurate move out date.. I also plan to tell them I am looking at a job in another county and that it would be financially detrimental to sign a lease at this moment ( I did look up one so I won't be lying about it in court) plus pointing out that he is trying to make me miss my daughters wedding to move on his date....

Of course I am signing at the end of the month when the townhouse is available...

I’m ridiculously happy to read this, Caroline.   :)
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Online Treasur

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2019, 10:13:50 AM »
Caroline, I am concerned for your wellbeing too so i am glad to hear that you are seeing the abuse for what it is. And that the reason why matters much less right now. Some of your h's behaviour is very peculiar indeed...and I agree with others that it is about control. Which is the core of abuse imho.

I think the suggestion about getting support from local DV folks is a solid one and hope you do this asap, if only bc it would frame your lawyer's POV and advice better. I have the sense that you are still trying to keep various balls in the air as if you were dealing with something more 'normal' and capable of fair mindededness -  the wedding, your plan to return to the house to sleep, the legal responses and possessions etc. You may need to consider letting some of these play out differently in order to keep yourself safe....? Jmo. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this but others here have been where you are.....have had to make tough short term choices sometimes...but they have survived and prospered and you will too.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2019, 10:15:21 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Watcher

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2019, 10:18:55 AM »
Caroline,

My W contacted the local DV group to use against me. Now that's part of her destroying me campaign. I think hers is called Women Aware.

She made it clearly known to me during our June court proceeding which I took as a threat.

Yea they will do anything.

My attorney says they do offer valuable advice. So it's worth looking into.

Online in it

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2019, 11:08:08 AM »
Yes I would rethink ever going back to the house once you leave it. To sleep or even to get anything.

After you leave if or when you have to go back to get anything, take someone with you. Even better, contact your local authorities to go with you. Have someone there.

I know this sounds extreme ? But you cannot trust him anymore. Better safe than sorry. Err on the side of caution.

If he starts trying to get buddy buddy with you? Do not believe it. He's trying to throw out a crumb to reel you back in and mess with your head.

You are in a whole different category now.  No more poor Hubby and MLC. OK? This is about you now Caroline.

Read sweetie, read online about abusers.

You may think he'll have no problem with you leaving.? Or coming back and leaving again?
He will, he'll be losing more control. He'll hate that, then try to control you. It could end up with you getting hurt very badly or worse.

I didn't think the ex would have a problem with it. 
I was wrong, and that mistake cost me a visit to the emergency room for ex-rays plus years of trying to recover from the damage that was done.

Don't be me. Be smart and aware. Take the focus off him and put it on you instead.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2019, 11:24:07 AM by in it »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Living in Limbo
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2019, 12:05:37 PM »
Why would the court care where you move?  They don't. There should only be a move out by xx date(if you need to have one) and  of course a date to sell the house by or divide the assets by.  There should be a support amount to start being paid by xx date.

All the things your Hs L are asking for is spaghetti against a wall and I am not impressed with your attorney's responses to the crazy.  Overpriced used furniture in exchange for everything else? That is so funny! I'm not sure what state/country you live in. Not community property I assume?
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

 

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