Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 16  (Read 2591 times)

Online Treasur

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My Story Re: BURNING MAN 16
« Reply #100 on: December 03, 2019, 12:56:41 AM »
Watcher, you are so funny  :)....and the further away from crazy you have moved, the funnier you get which seems like a good recovery sign to me.

Yup, none of us are surprised about the appraisal thing are we? Not even your L I suspect. I guess normal people dealing with your w are just playing catch up on your months/years of experience of Bonkers. Just like a marathon though....20 mile mark now, Watcher, just keep going. 2020 will see an end to these things bit by bit, one way or another.

I like the idea of 'Watcher does Paris' though  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Whyus

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« Reply #101 on: December 03, 2019, 02:12:32 AM »
UM...… That GIF is what nightmares are made of. Its horrific (though I couldnt stop watching it tbh :o)
Sounding good Watcher, a 4 pack of Toilet paper? What were you thinking? No wonder she is how she is, that Kind of behaviour is simply not acceptable.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018

Offline WatcherTopic starterTopic starter

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« Reply #102 on: December 03, 2019, 04:44:00 AM »
Hi Treasur, Whyus.

Well 7.5 months NC is my record from March thru Oct 2018. Then I fell for those brown eyes and got derailed a month when she came looking for me. Could have been more than just the eyes. Just sayin.  ::)

4 more months of NC ensued and then she came to get me again and I got derailed for 6 weeks. Yes I can't just blame her as I was also a willing participant.  ;)

Currently I just entered month #7 of NC and I do feel much better. I've said this before when I am in contact I know it's wrong and I just feel it all over my body.

All I have to do is listen to her words as she speaks to know nothing changes with her. I probably wanted to have hope or just believe that we could have gotten through her crisis together.

Well I knew quickly while in contact that it's impossible for me to survive as I slowly start to drown again. MLCers like to drown their victims. I don't believe its personal.

I mean, I was a lifeguard in college, so I'm a good swimmer. I can tread water quite well ,however, I would have drown eventually.

Last Spring I knew it was bad. I knew I needed to escape. She did me a favor by bringing her mother back and kicking me out. The next phase needed to be forced. We needed that showdown.

Yes we really needed a divorce. Again. It's not personal. I need it to save myself first. Oh I'm probably still not comfortable about it and I'm sure I will still be plenty nervous as it moves forward.

We had no movement in her crisis. I was stuck in an abusive cycle. A lot of which I downplayed because men don't get abused.

It really just fell on me to try and get out of limbo and so I did with much encouragement. Yea I dragged my feet a bit as I was guilty myself of trying to solve the great mystery of MLC for years.

I enjoyed my life with her. My mom says I am guilty of my own revisionist history now at times. However, she ended that life of ours in 2015 and it took me awhile to accept it.

Yes my W suppressed me for years. She didn't want me to outshine her so I gave myself away through the years to stay "happily" married and keep her satisfied.

Each time I went back to her she immediately began the domination campaign. She sought to take things away from me. You know. One's individuality. In crisis, she is not a big fan of me just being me, eventhough, she said I had to be my authentic self. LMAO....

That's MLCer code for just submit and comply to my demands already Watcher. In reality she controlled her version of my authentic self. It was all illusion. My authentic self was not a reality in her world. She seeks domination.

So, yes, NC is my freedom from her crisis. It's where I can breathe and enjoy life. I'm fairly confident I will not fall for her brown eyes again, just sayin.  ::)

Nope. I would much rather prefer a complete woman and she is just not there. So we will see what happens.

Enjoy your day
Thank you

Wow no more dial up service. Hero Spouse finally got high speed internet. Congrats for the upgrade. LOL... Oh Whyus you completely missed the Coup btw. Probably enjoying your life and weekend like that UrsaMajor. Another follower of Hero Spouse indoctrination.

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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« Reply #103 on: December 03, 2019, 09:15:10 AM »
Watcher, you are so funny  :)....

Ditto! Ha ha

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)

Offline WatcherTopic starterTopic starter

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« Reply #104 on: December 03, 2019, 05:21:19 PM »
Hi Rose.

So S16 didn't go to school today. I had to text him finally and then I had to wait. He is still a typical teenager. He was probably sleeping and sometimes he just doesn't get back to me.

LOL the phrase I always hated in reference to the MLCer (monkey braining), is solely reserved now for S16.  ??? I haven't heard from him in a few days so I always think the worse.

I always get that same feeling in my gut when she ran away with the 2 boys in 2015 after BD. So I was going to the marital home to check to see if there was any signs of life. Thankfully he texted me in time. That's my anxiety trigger and it's only reserved for the 2 boys.

IDK. He is into week #3 now with this cough. Yesterday he went to school. Today he didn't. I won't be able to see him until Friday now.

I went sneaker shopping looking for a pair of Brooks Ghost 12's for running. They are supposed to be really good. I had to buy chapstick for my bottom lip which I bite on too much during Kickboxing and had to pay the marital mortgage.

I'm still dragging in Kickboxing. I've gone 3 of the last 4 days. Yesterday was canceled for snow. I'm taking awhile to get back up to speed. Well I am approaching the dreaded age 48 in February. Everyone knows that's the year we hit that wall.  ::)

At least I scare the other guys in the gym with that one. MLCer is non compliant with the appraisal. I know that comes as a shocker. Well maybe I should be the good LBS and just give her the house as she is the poor MLCer afterall. That would be Agape.

IDK maybe I should drop the divorce and wait until the MLCer is ready to divorce me. She may need more time. The MLCer maybe just not ready and I really don't want to come across as a pushy inconsiderate LBS afterall.

IDK. Does the LBS have rights ? Sometimes it doesn't feel that way with the things I read on this forum. LOL....

I don't really need to see my kids. MLCer needs them more. Maybe in 10 years I can see them with MLCer's permission of course.

I can keep paying MLCer's mortgage and just live at my moms house forever. IDK.

So tomorrow night I'm going to a concert and I apologize in advance for my GAL. Maybe I should ask my MLCer permission to attend.

Remember when MLCer drove me to the Jason Aldean concert in May. That was so cute/controlling of her. At least she dropped me off right up front.  ::)

I don't remember signing a contract on this forum that stated I had to kiss my MLCer's ass. I believe I did plenty of that already.

I'm in a different place. To stay focused on her would just keep me on that shelf waiting for the next cycle of abuse.

So what are we doing now, loyalty oaths.  :o

I even apologize for referring to her as MLCer. That word seems so dirty now. She's just misunderstood. I love how the LBS is painted as the villain by some sanctimonious people who have absolutely no firetrucking clue what others have been through in their crisis.

Sorry my W doesn't want to play checkers. However, she'd like to beat the sh!te out of me with the checker board for sure.  ::)

I think your right Treasur. I think I'm healing finally. Not only have I found my humor again, I also don't give a flying firetruck about opening my mouth.  ;D LOL.....

As for the non compliant MLCer, I will only be concerned come mid January if the hearing gets delayed.

Have a good night LBS  ;)
« Last Edit: December 03, 2019, 05:28:29 PM by Watcher »

Online in it

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« Reply #105 on: December 03, 2019, 05:39:36 PM »
Sooooo does this mean I can put all the 2 by 4's and 4 by 4's away?

I'm going to assume you are being sarcastic when you mention dropping the divorce?

You have paid your dues and more, I have some idea of what you went through and I didn't want you to have to do it, but I wasn't able to explain it to you. You had to decide when ENOUGH was.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline Thunder

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« Reply #106 on: December 03, 2019, 06:19:56 PM »
Sorry Watcher, no big surprise, but did your lawyer say they will be charging her with contempt charges for disobeying a court order? The judge will love that one.  ::)

Goodness she just thinks she can keep thumbing her nose at the courts while you are paying the HP for her parents to live in your house for free, while ruining it.

I'm just glad you are back in kickboxing, Watcher.  It does help with anxiety during all this.
I know you're being funny but I don't blame you for being upset.

Maybe your L will be doing something about this.

Try to have a good evening and don't worry about anything tonight.
Like Scarlet said.."Tomorrow's another day."   :)
Let it go until then.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2019, 08:13:45 PM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Acorn

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« Reply #107 on: December 04, 2019, 02:59:12 AM »
Watcher, you cheeky man.  And very funny with your tongue in cheek post! I must say your observations are particularly sharp and insightful.

You are healing, alright.  Your own brand of humour is coming back.  That’s no small fish, in my humble opinion.
I noticed that with me AND my MLCer, return of humour was one of the shining indicators that we were healing.
Good for you!  I look forward to reading more humour in your posts. 

Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline WatcherTopic starterTopic starter

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« Reply #108 on: December 04, 2019, 04:57:16 AM »
Hi Init, Thunder, Acorn.

Yes I was being very sarcastic Init. I would need MLCer's permission to drop the divorce anyway ::)  No I need to get divorced. I agree with you that I just had to know when to tap out myself however I do appreciate your effort for trying.  :)

IDK where this misconception about Thunder being a softee comes from.  ::) She only told me 3.5 billion times to file for divorce. Give or take a few. In May Thunder sent me a PM and it crushed me. Obviously not her intention.  :)

I knew I made a mistake and I had to extricate myself. I felt that I had let her down by going back to that abuse. Look I did listen to everyone's comments. It just took me along time to process it.

Last November I just ran with her. I didn't live with her. However, Anjae was very vocal when W broke my 7.5 months NC. Stay away from her Watcher. She is manic.

In the Spring her parents left and I wanted to see for myself if there were any changes. Unfortunately/fortunately not. Thankfully, W took me to court and that forced my divorce filing. The lawyer made the decision for me and I probably needed it that way.  So I needed to go back last Spring for it to happen in hindsight.

LOL Acorn there are controlling LBS on this forum. I know I cannot be the only one seeing it. Maybe they are not legit LBS as their spouses may not be legit MLCers. Hmm....

IDK, I think some may have just run for them hills, just sayin.  ::) There are some who wax poetic about RCR and I really don't believe they have ever read an article.

OK I don't want to appear to be insensitive so I will say my W ran for them hills herself to get away from me.  ::) My W is probably scared to death that she had this lunatic man who wanted to stay married to her lunatic self. LOL....

I think the proper term is drop the rope Acorn. Some may have misinterpreted that comment and thought they really were supposed to tie their spouses up in rope. IDK. That maybe the confusion.

Sorry RCR, were we supposed to tie our spouses up in rope OR drop the rope ?

OMG I want to run for them hills myself and I'm just reading it. I don't point this out to people because they have to learn the hard way like I did.  ;)

I'm certainly not swearing any allegiance  ::) nor justifying why I am member of this here forum, lol.

Ok I'm at work and then it will be Stars and Strings concert time tonight.  ;D Sam Hunt, Dustin Lynch, Chris Janson, Runaway June, Matt Stell, and Blanco Brown and Old West.

The last 2 I just threw in as I really dont know who they are.

Enjoy your day ladies

Thank you

Offline Thunder

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« Reply #109 on: December 04, 2019, 05:33:44 AM »
Well Watcher, if she meant tie them up, they'd be tied up for a very, very long time.   :)

Too bad we couldn't just throw them in a rubber room until they came to their senses.  LOL

Seriously, I just believe we all move at out own pace.  Some people are ready to throw in the towel very soon after BD, others take much longer. There is no right or wrong amount of time. 

It just takes as long as it takes and no one should feel bad, even if they took what seems like a long time.

I guess with your W connected to the hip with her mother, was your breaking point.  She was going to chose her mother every time.
That and her taking you to court.  It would have been endless court appearances every time she felt entitled to something.

You made that decision Watcher, you're too stubborn to do it because people told you to.   ;)

You stopped all that now.  I think you're doing really well.   ;D

Enjoy your concert!   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."


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